What a week, this week. I'm so happy, because everything's steady. Not very sine wave-ish. Thank you God. Okay, let me get started as I have a couple of posts lined up as drafts that I have to get to.
1.) DREW'S LASAGNA. Last week he made it out of Cauliflower. This week we went with Traditional red sauce Lasagna and I wept because of how good it was. I couldn't even take a photo because I just wanted to stuff my mouth the moment I smelled the melted cheese. Thinking about it now makes me cry again.
2.) MINDY. Not just the latest ep (which was precious because IKE AND DANNY, ugh) but this photo of her that was posted by Sonia months ago - I'd just seen it the other day! Queen.
3.) MY FAVES INTERACTING ON TWITTER. Elon Musk and Aaron Paul? Then these three? GUYS. I can't. I mean I know this isn't the first time they've spoken in public like this, much to everyone's glee - but this is just too cute.
4.) DINNER WITH THE GIRLS. Supposedly the night we were meeting our friend Shoukry but we had transpo problems, we ended up having Wings (and Stings, LOL) and lots of laughter for Dinner.
5.) AFTERNOON WITH THE GIRLS. I haven't hung out with them like this in a long time so it was kind of refreshing to be in the company of these two. They're hella crazy. I'm the boring one in the group, obviously.
(Thanks for taking this photo, Nofati!)
6.) LAYLA'S GOURMET. Nof and I met Rai (after a year, LOL) at Layla's Gourmet, which Rai discovered recently. We had so much fun, we didn't even notice the time. Ambiance : 100%, Food : 75%, Company : Off the chain (also I kick it old school with the Percent-grading system).
7.) GREAT FIRST WEEK. One of the best things ever. Thank you, God!
8.) GRACE CODDINGTON BIOPIC. WHAT.
9.) ADELE'S "HELLO". I mean. What a way to start the Weekend.
10.) OCTOBER 30. I know this'll sound confusing - but yesterday, I decided on a date. On the 30th of October, I "launch" my new and improved, next-level (Abbie Standards, so nothing major. LOL!) blog. I CANNOT WAIT.
You used to call me on my Cellphone / Late night when you need someone
Guys, guys, guys. I can't help but post this. I can't help it. It's too good. My Drake fever is back. Huhubells.
You got me down, you got me stressed out
These days, all I do is wonder if you bendin' over backwards for someone else, wonder if you're rollin' up a backwoods for someone else / Doing things I taught you, gettin' nasty for someone else / You don't need no one else, you don't need nobody else, no / Why you never alone / Why you always touching road / Used to always stay at home, be a good girl / You was in the zone/ You should just be yourself / Right now, you're someone else
I've been living under a rock, so I just recently found out about Kiana Brown. Girl is dope. I can't. Her cover of Drake's Hotline Bling is still my favorite but imagine how happy I was seeing her do what I actually (and I kid you not) had planned on doing a year ago : recording a Duet (of sorts) on some of my favorite songs. Would I be sued if I do this myself someday soon, because honestly, cross my heart - this was definitely something I thought of doing.
Anyway, this song by Miguel is my favorite off his album.
I definitely had no intentions of writing this week's THT because the Sandman knows how terrible I've been feeling these days. He knows because I spent nearly the entire week in his arms. Forcibly. He's been asking me to give him space but I couldn't human. But yes, it's all about perspective. I can't help but be thankful and grateful as I should be for these the awesome things that happened this week.
1. CANNOT DISCLOSE. Let me start off by the biggest and one of the best things that happened to me this week, but can't say. I don't know what's the point of me mentioning it but I'd like to look back on this post one day and remember. And be thankful. Really thankful.
2. WE GOT WET. This, you probably already know if you've read my blog in the past week. I posted a Video Blog of me swimming with these clowns. I love these jerks.
3. NOF'S BIRTHDAY. I'm never the type of person who likes to plan things and work on surprises because that really isn't the type of person I am, I'm terrible at doing them, and I proved it by how terrible our supposed SURPRISE Birthday for Nof went. But alas, none of our efforts went to waste because even if she wasn't surprised (she didn't give us the chance to surprise her, there was NO CHANCE we could have succeeded), we had loads of fun. I still laugh to this day remembering it.
4. LUNCH AT TCF. Guys, I will never not be grateful whenever I get to sit my ass down on those comfy couches at TCF. I don't even order anything else. CHICKEN KATSU, ALWAYS. Every.Single.Time.
5. PINK CAMEL ISPAHAN CAKE. I got to taste the famous Pink Camel Ispahan Cake through my colleague who bought it as a birthday cake for a small party we threw at the Office and it has not left my mind since. I was so happy that the girls let me buy the cake for Nof. Not all of them liked it though (sadly), but the upside is they let me take home the remaining 3 slices (at the same time I also bought myself two large macarons while I was there). Guys, if you live in Jeddah, you've GOT TO TRY IT. IT IS THE BEST. I plan to buy myself a whole cake by the end of the month (see this post's Cover / Header Photo - that's the Macaron that I'm still saving in the fridge. I'll get it out the next time I'm drowning in feels). But also, this is the actual Birthday Cake for Nof. OH MY GOODNESS, SO GOOD.
6. ACID BANANA. Acid Banana finally put up some of the photos we shot with Fahad on their IG page. Their website will probably be finished soon - check it out every once in a while. They seriously have the dopest shit.
7. DISNEY PRINCESS. I'm going as one of my favorite Disney Princesses for Halloween. Hopefully I'll pull it off. I'm going to be sewing the costume myself. I had so much fun making my costume back in 2013 and I look forward to reliving the excitement again. And probably pricking myself from time to time.
8. DUNKIN' GIRL. Drew and I walked halfway to Sari and then took a cab to get me some Donuts at DD. Because as you all know, I'm a Dunkin' Girl forever.
9. CAULIFLOWER LASAGNA. I don't have a photo but Drew made THE BEST, HEALTHIEST LASAGNA I have ever tasted. I cried a bit after my first bite. I don't think I have to explain how much food makes me happy.
10. PURPLE. Let me leave it at that.
So yeah, my friends are helping me create a new beginning for my blogging life. Hopefully it works out well.
I remember reading from Paulo Coehlo's Zahir (and I'm paraphrasing) - how people could just pass by you on the street and not even know that you're carrying the world on your shoulders.
Life is happening around us. And I'm sitting here feeling the total opposite. I keep wanting what I can't have. I can't accept it. Accepting it will be the death of me.
It's a constant Sine Wave, really. Everything about me. Most of the time I stop myself from feeling anything because once things start to spiral down, I die. And then I'm back to being miserable. Do you ever feel that way? You're laughing your heart out and in a split second, you're back in your head telling yourself that this won't last. And that things will get shittier minutes from now and you'll hate yourself for being so fucking vulnerable. You allowed yourself to feel something. And now you must pay the price.
And you ask yourself over and over, you've already been here so many times. What's new? Why aren't you used to it yet? And you don't know. You never do.
When you reopen old wounds again and again, will you ever get to a time when you're numb? Why am I waiting for this to happen? I do everything with my heart. It's not like I would feel any less any time soon. Or ever.
I keep wishing, I keep wishing - the next time I'm as happy, I just want my life to end then and there. Because I couldn't handle another disappointment. I'm so tired of the lies life makes to my face. I'm so tired of temporary bliss. I'm so tired of achieving it from situations I can't be in forever.
I'm restless again. I've been sleeping all day. I've been wondering... If I'm even really here at all. It makes no sense. To be this dead inside and still be able to open my eyes.
I'm so close to doing it again. Somehow, I can't help but hope I would be braver to just end it all.
It's tiring. Having to be this way. It's tiring to love something so bad. And I just can't stop. Quitting has never been something I had planned on doing. And the threat of all this ending is just driving me off the edge, pushing me more. And I'm so close.
Immortalized the awesomeness of this day, best accompanied by my favorite favorite favorite, the very talented Troye Sivan. I've raved about his latest EP (titled "Wild", and is available on iTunes, click here).