i asked him if he ever took me seriously...then he said that it was unfair and unreasonable for me to think that way, but then he said he can't blame me..and that i will always be a part of his life... THAT'S IT? that's all i'll ever be? A PART? when i think of him as MY LIFE? THIS IS WHAT I GET? i just wish you guys were there...you guys witnessed US...and i wish you heard ALL the talks we had...because by then, you would say that you'd never think that this is where we'd end up. but i'm not closing doors on him. things changed, and they still could. it still wouldn't end unless we meet...there i would know where i'll stand. i'm not stupid, i'm not numb...i guess i'm just strong...or maybe a fighter... but now, all i could do is cry... because he's gotten over me, he dumped me first... and when he gets a girlfriend?that means suicide for me... i know how ja treats a girlfriend...and i couldn't bear thinking of him doing it to other girls...he said i deserved someone better than him...damn..he just couldn't see that he is the best that i could ever...ever have. and still have. Choel told me that i'm one who's perfect...cus of the way i have been looking at things when it comes to Ja... Abbie...full of hope... but if you look at my eyes, all you'll see is pain. i just can't accept the fact that things are over...no....this is not how it's intended to be...this is not what's supposed to happen. C'mon...i'm only 16...things could change...i could still have him back...what if i don't? what if he finds someone?does it mean that...i'm never gonna find someone for me? or is it that no guy would ever want me?is this is all i am?trash?life isn't gonna be the same without Ja...at least knowing that i have him...where do i start? how should i put one foot in front of the other? how should i live life?but i guess i can't...there's no life to live anymore...

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