i've only had 5 hours of sleep...last night, ryt after i logged out, i just felt... bad. and cried. this morning, our neighbours were playing the radio so loud that i got up at 8 am...after that, my cousin and i couldn't get back to sleep...i felt miserable and i cried again. i can't let go of jaja...no,,,not jaja...not the jaja i know... ja is so hard to let go of. i know, i should hate him for this...but i can't...i don't know what's gotten into me... i know..it's like, i should've felt this before...but i was positive that ja still loves me...somehow...but now i've totally lost him...and he thinks it's that easy for us to get back being friends...just like that. after all that...he let's me go just like that...he fell out of love just like that...just like that... reality is...soooo...hard to bear...i won't last with my eyes open...i think i have to blind myself from the pain..pretend we're still together...NO! i'm not obsessed..i guess i just fell too hard...i think i'm still falling..which makes things worse...and i can't do anything about it... that's what hurts me most...i feel like my eyes are about to pop out of my face...



would you imagine? he said that i have been thinking too much, that's why things get worse, and that binibigyan ko ng meaning ang mga bagay na di naman dapat? THINK TOO MUCH? OF COURSE! He's my BOYFRIEND for chrissake! tell me, if you were in a relationship, and he breaks it off with you just like that, and tells you not even a year after that, that he's already gotten over you? D KA BA MAG-IISP NUN? WLA KANG KWENTANG GF NYAN! i've tried everything to make this relationship work...he's the coward...he's the one scared of trying...



well maybe he did try..it's just that...we're far from each other...maybe i didn't see his pain,too...i mean, i know ja loved me... and i also have been very judgemental..but you can't blame me..i guess i can't blame him either...



God, please help me get through this...

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