This is the worst summer - EVER. i feel so ugly, i can't always eat the food that i want, even if the A.C.'s on, it's so freakin' hot, there's no one to talk to, no one who cares... and everytime i look at myself in the mirror, i just hate it. i hate everything about myself. and i hate it when i can't eat what i want to. i'm craving for ice cream right now but no one wants to come with me to 7-11!!!! i dont want to go there alone because it's 10 pm! and i had this REALLY hard time connecting to the internet! there are no good shows to watch on t.v., i cant decide what VCD to buy because... HELL! i don't know WHY! and i'm quite broke, which explains why i can't go out...I AM GOING CRAZY! things would be A LOT better if i were in the dorm! DAMMIT! i've been looking REAAAALY miserable these days! IT'S JUST...EVERYTIME I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I DON'T FIND ANYTHING GOOD TO EAT, THEN I COOK FOR MYSELF...and it just drives me crazy that there's nothing to do in this freaking house! and how do i keep myself busy, when there's ABSOLUTELY nothing to do here! AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIEND! not that i need ANOTHER ONE? i just hate seeing JAJA'S face everytime i close my eyes! i won't deny it to myself, but I AM NOT OVER HIM YET. that's the worst part. he doesn't even care about me anymore... and i'm still here...THINKING ABOUT HIM? I CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS! DAMN ALL OF YOU, WHO I CONSIDERED FRIENDS! where are you guys now that i need you? and to Ja, i never thought you would do this to me. i don't remember doing something wrong..that made us end up here.....AND I HATE PRETENDING I'M OKAY, BECAUSE I'M NOT! I'M TIRED OF BEING THIS MARTYR! acting like what you've been doing to me...has no effect or whatever... Hey...we were in that relationship together...how could you do this to me? i know, it's been 11 months since...but i still can't face reality...that we are over...this part just...drives me nuts.



i think i'm going to "jail" myself...



i survived life without you...without all of you...i don't need you now. i don't need any of you. to hell with everyone who hurt me....

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