Actually, Lance..we have the same problem...i thought i got it all pretty figured out by now...but..i haven't... :D it's really confusing...sometimes it makes me think that maybe i'm not..like, totally over him, but then...i don't think of him the way i used to anymore...and...i haven't been making the "hush puppy eyes" whenever i see two people really sweet...not....REALLY REALLY SWEET, i mean, not the "guys-just-please-get-a-room" type...but..the cute...sweet type....whatever...

i probably just miss having one, but...to miss having a boyfriend doesn't mean i want one..i just..miss having one. and i don't need a boyfriend....c'mon...i lived...15 years and 3 months of my life without a boyfriend...i know that having one changes EVERYTHING. but... yes... THE PROBLEM IS CHOICE...if you choose to live your life the way he left you...or you can remember all the good times, move on...well it depends on what kind of situation you were left in...well in my case, i'm living life the way it was before i had a boyfriend...but i admit, it is kinda hard without anyone caring about you...you know what i mean...friends are different...and i just miss talking to someone about how my day went, what my future plans are,talking about anything...even stuff we aren't really related to. i remember talking to Ja once, at 2 a.m...talking about...you know..sweet nothings...and i just miss having a man...someone to pinch (regularly)...someone i'd hug...someone who'd always make me feel "beautiful"(whether it's true or not...just as long as he appreciates it..we were painting the school once, and i had paint on my overalls,my hair up,really messy..i was wearing this tight shirt and low waist jeans...just as i was coming up to him, paintbrush in hand...he said..."you look really cute"...and i just gave him this "are you kidding?" look..lalang..)...someone who'd take so many risks for you...someone who'd uhh...pay lunch for you..hehe...if ja and i were still together,i would've probably been telling him about all the info i know about the matrix...and he could either show off, tell me that he knows more...which we both do to each other :D and i just miss the way we do that. i mean, it's like...people in our batch called us "inseperable"..our heads are often stuck together...i just miss that... ARGH...but i'm not ready to do those things with anyone right now. as mushy as it sounds...i'm not ready to give love again...i can't imagine myself holding someone, hugging someone...and if i did...ja would always come to the picture. i'm positive, i am over him. i just don't know if i'm ready to...well...u guys won't understand anyway...and i think..at this point of my life...a boyfriend is just like... "hot sauce" for pizza. i mean, a pizza would still taste great without hot sauce in it..:) well....is it? .. ;(



hey...La playa..it's...spanish for "the beach", ryt? :D hope things are gonna be okay, lancy..



anyways...looking forward to seeing everyone...Lance...you know i had a crush on this guy,too...first sem...but he didn't like me AT ALL, so i was like..."get over it!"...so i did...then on the night of Ms. Lia Nite (it rhymes! DUH!) we ate out...4 of us...he actually proposed. HE WANTS ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND! i mean, i may have wanted him before...but i was on the "rebound" stage...and i realized that i may have not been ready to get into any relationship.but it made me feel good...somehow, it did... it's like...So, do i still "qualify"? hehe...



i'm outtie...

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