i think i got it all pretty figured out...i think... like i said, things could change... if it did, it still could... and since, we're still young, there are so many possibilities...of course,,,the pros and cons...but..i guess it all depends on your faith...on how you see things...but since i just want ja so much, i'm probably going to take the risk...i don't know...i guess i won't lose anything in 3 years...well, yeah..you guys would probably think it's miserable that i won't get to be held, hugged and all that...but it's worth the wait! :)



...well...maybe not...but...then...it's just now that i've understood Ja's situation...i see it as a test...God's test...

Ja's thoughts of the "circumstances seem to be denying us" thing shouldn't really affect me..like what my good friend Aiman said...WE are the ones denying circumstance, and not the other way around...Ja said he pretended that he was okay, but then he can't...go on with ldr...maybe this is what drove him to thinking such things...and he thought of negative stuff...so it would probably be easier for him to move on...maybe Ja did it on purpose...to think of everything negatively...for things to be easier...



i'll be calling Ja on his birthday...and then i'll be telling him...stuff..i already have my lines prepared...but..it's still 91 days before his birthday...pray he answers the phone..i don't want Ja avoiding me...that would hurt even more..



but i still don't feel any better..i feel like i'm hanging to something i'm not really sure of...this is hard...God help me...

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