I can relate to that. :D Basil told me about this phrase written in front of his notebook. Lalang. Just thought of writing it down. Cool. I’m watching Crazy/Beautiful.

“ I remember most at 17. I remember the day we met. His smile, his touch. He can be anywhere when your life begins. When the future opens up in front of you. You may not realize it at first, but it’s already happening.”

Choosing the right guy to love is like browsing through Nars looking for the right shade of lipstick to match your skin tone. I remember, I was at ATC and I wus checking out all these colours, and I found this…orangy shade. I’m like, “Hey, this is nice…” but I tried it on and it didn’t go wit my tone… I got disappointed. But I thought, even if I liked it so much, I can’t get this colour just cus I like it. It has to go well wit my tone…so the saleslady gave me this dark brown shade…and they were like, “bagay…” so wit two people just nodding at me…I wus convinced… “Okay, I’m taking this…” I didn’t really like it that much, but it wus the only one that went well…I eventually learned how to love it. And everyone just kept on complimenting me whenever I wear it… just like that Chanel lipstick that I have… :D

People tell me to go this way…but I find their way hard. I mean, hey… I REALLY appreciate all these people texting, asking me how things are going, how I’m doing… and all the concerned people giving me advices…suggestions…and there’s Mark… the Mark who never let me down. The ever neutral Mark Launcel Panizales…. I decided… I know these are my friends and they do want the best for me…but this is my life. They probably do see more things than me since all of my guyfriends in the tropa dorms inside… I might not know what is happening inside but that goes the same for them. They don’t see things the way I do. No matter how hard I try explaining, no one would understand me, but myself… so I’m like…I’m doing things MY way now. People do think it’s wrong… Abbie’s dumb, Abbie’s stupid, Abbie’s desperate…this and that. I CAN’T DO THE RIGHT THING! If I do it’s gonna take months before this all gets resolved. I’m doing what I should’ve done A LONG TIME AGO. But now I’m doing it MY way. The way. It’s wrong, but it’s what I feel like I should do. I’m a girl? Is that why I shouldn’t move? F*CK that! … I have… GIRL POWER! ( ugh…reminds me of the days I loved Ginger Spice so much…) … let’s not consider sex. Let’s not say that just because I’m a girl I have to wait… in this sitch, I SHOULDN’T WAIT. I should move before things gets worst.