AAAH! Lalang…I woke up at 2 p.m. today, and when I checked my cell, I found out I had a text from Ja. It’s actually a quote saying he misses me… and..there. it made my day. :D and then something weird happened. I thought of what I wanted in a guy, and then suddenly… I realized…that…I want someone like Ja. Wait a minute. Is it the qualities..or is it still…Ja…that I want? Wow…this is…getting too confusing!!! Yada-yada-yada… i never knew that Ja would be ALL THAT. Honestly, at first I was like…wow…he’s hot…then we didn’t really mesh well at first. We used to have these petty fights in second year. And I used to think he’s really…suplado.mayabang. it’s like…he’s hot and he knows it. He’s gonna slam it in your face. Then we became good friends in third year...and there.. :D know what i'm gonna do? im gonna watch the high school videos i took. ja and i are on most of it. hehe... there was this time when we were in this compound in Jeddah, where we ( my barkada ) spent Christmas going around...and we had dinner at the rooftop of one of my friends' building...and then you could see Ja and i walking hand in hand...and there was a time when he even carried me! LALANG! :D damn...the good times...hehe...don't ya'll raise yer eyebrows!? ;p



i know ya'll don't really know what i'm talking about, and most of you can't relate to what i'm talking about,but... this is my blog, anyways... hu cares!!! yeah, yeah, yeah...abbie..whatever you say...



i'm outtie...



p.s.

i have this animated thingy of Neo...flying...ya'll know the part when he flew so fast to get to Trinity? yeah...i have it...LALANG! :D



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Actually, Lance..we have the same problem...i thought i got it all pretty figured out by now...but..i haven't... :D it's really confusing...sometimes it makes me think that maybe i'm not..like, totally over him, but then...i don't think of him the way i used to anymore...and...i haven't been making the "hush puppy eyes" whenever i see two people really sweet...not....REALLY REALLY SWEET, i mean, not the "guys-just-please-get-a-room" type...but..the cute...sweet type....whatever...

i probably just miss having one, but...to miss having a boyfriend doesn't mean i want one..i just..miss having one. and i don't need a boyfriend....c'mon...i lived...15 years and 3 months of my life without a boyfriend...i know that having one changes EVERYTHING. but... yes... THE PROBLEM IS CHOICE...if you choose to live your life the way he left you...or you can remember all the good times, move on...well it depends on what kind of situation you were left in...well in my case, i'm living life the way it was before i had a boyfriend...but i admit, it is kinda hard without anyone caring about you...you know what i mean...friends are different...and i just miss talking to someone about how my day went, what my future plans are,talking about anything...even stuff we aren't really related to. i remember talking to Ja once, at 2 a.m...talking about...you know..sweet nothings...and i just miss having a man...someone to pinch (regularly)...someone i'd hug...someone who'd always make me feel "beautiful"(whether it's true or not...just as long as he appreciates it..we were painting the school once, and i had paint on my overalls,my hair up,really messy..i was wearing this tight shirt and low waist jeans...just as i was coming up to him, paintbrush in hand...he said..."you look really cute"...and i just gave him this "are you kidding?" look..lalang..)...someone who'd take so many risks for you...someone who'd uhh...pay lunch for you..hehe...if ja and i were still together,i would've probably been telling him about all the info i know about the matrix...and he could either show off, tell me that he knows more...which we both do to each other :D and i just miss the way we do that. i mean, it's like...people in our batch called us "inseperable"..our heads are often stuck together...i just miss that... ARGH...but i'm not ready to do those things with anyone right now. as mushy as it sounds...i'm not ready to give love again...i can't imagine myself holding someone, hugging someone...and if i did...ja would always come to the picture. i'm positive, i am over him. i just don't know if i'm ready to...well...u guys won't understand anyway...and i think..at this point of my life...a boyfriend is just like... "hot sauce" for pizza. i mean, a pizza would still taste great without hot sauce in it..:) well....is it? .. ;(



hey...La playa..it's...spanish for "the beach", ryt? :D hope things are gonna be okay, lancy..



anyways...looking forward to seeing everyone...Lance...you know i had a crush on this guy,too...first sem...but he didn't like me AT ALL, so i was like..."get over it!"...so i did...then on the night of Ms. Lia Nite (it rhymes! DUH!) we ate out...4 of us...he actually proposed. HE WANTS ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND! i mean, i may have wanted him before...but i was on the "rebound" stage...and i realized that i may have not been ready to get into any relationship.but it made me feel good...somehow, it did... it's like...So, do i still "qualify"? hehe...



i'm outtie...

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hehe...joel sais he's gonna see my blog...but i wonder how he'd react to THE EVIL thing i've been posting.... blah...noticed that the dates are in...french?

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correction...that was a Matrix Revisited VCD...y'all don't have to buy any gifts, people...anyways...basta...all of you are gonna be there at my birthday...

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AAHHHH!!! My Dad promised me to get me a book about making my VERRY own website... hehe...:D but i probably won't be changing my blog...hey, lance put a lot of effort in this blog...i'll just probably make another one... :D whatever...



Lance...esh?i told you it's gonna be okay...take it from me...the girl who once thought there was no hope left in the world. Listen...FREE YOUR MIND from all that! :) i'm gonna tell you what you told me before...YOU HAVE US... ;) i know, it's not easy to let things just go like that, but...just...since you like Nike, well, just do it... Ja likes Nike,too... hehe... hey, you promised me that you'd tell me when you find one...y'know...final flight, enter the matrix, animatrix....TELL MEEEEE!!! AAAHHH!!!! oh, and i owe you 20 bucks! :P anyways, lancy...i'm gonna be here for you,too...'til we find our other half...and we should be working on talking more often...peace...



hey...my birthday's fast approaching...don't forget...i want a Matrix Revisited CD, could be found in...Astrovision..in southmall..and...a Madonna "American Life" CD...and...Matrix Reloaded posters, a pair of Manolo Blahnik Maryjanes, a Bentley, a Komondor, a cheque worth about at least 50 thousand bucks, you know..to go shopping to Prada, Dolce and Gabbana, a wallet from..Lacoste would do... and... a boyfriend... ;)



honestly people, i just can't imagine myself getting into another relationship again. and even if i liked someone, i don't think the relationship would work.i figured, i'm just scared of falling again.i'm scared that i might be commiting the same mistake again...i remember telling Basil that i missed having a boyfriend. i do miss having one.but i don't want one. i guess. is it me? or...is it just that i haven't found the guy i wanna be with? i'm not thinking forever as of now, 'coz that would make me expect too much again,just like i did before...or maybe i have found a guy,but i'm just too scared to commit, or show it...or i'm just not sure of what do i really want...in a guy, in a relationship...or was it just too long since i had my last relationship that i don't know how to handle one anymore? it's like,i'm this...whatever...but..i'm okay... :D i have you people anyways.... ;)



anyways...i'm watching The Matrix...there are some things in Reloaded i don't really understand. so i thought i'd watch the first one again..and i've gotten a few info on the net..and learned that most of the names of the characters aren't coincidence..like Trinity,Persephone, even the ship, Nebuchadnezzar... hehe...whatever...DUH, ABBIE..no one's listening! :D



i'm outtie...

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y'all know what i want my blog to look like?uhh..the background would be the code...from the matrix...y'all know that,right? damn..that would be cool...tsk tsk...if i could let someone teach me...TEACH ME!!! hehe...whatever..

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...dreaming of zion awake..sleeping awake...



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YAY...another good news is...(aside from me having Tom Cruise AND Keannu Reeves at the same time, whatever...)...Ja and i are friends! that's a lot more better, though... :) at least it's....or..we're okay. :D



It's nice to see everyone again... and Basil and Bryan all crazy....??? ( i mean, Karl's always crazy...the way i see it, so far...)



I miss Ben. I miss Ben. I miss Nini. LEN!!! AAAHHH!?!



I have to compliment Keanu for that gorgeous....*tuuuutttt* -- censored... well..i want a piece of it! (SHUT UP, ABBIE!!!) i'm acting like this....lunatic... whatever. it's like how i used to dig Tom Cruise...he's got a great...bod. :D



SATC ROCKS! hehehe....I'm Carrie, I'm Carrie....



see, i told you my brain isn't working ..i didn't even get that "cliffhanger" thing Lancy txtd me..i'm sorry! my brain's all screwed!



i can't wait...TO GET BACK TO THE DORM!!!!! grrrr.....

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AAAHHH!!! Keannu made my heartbeat stop!

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It's nice when old friends show up...:) i have this kababata, call him Caloi...he texted once, asking how i was...the last time we saw each other was last year... and my friend, kenneth,who sent me a quote at 3 a.m. , and txtd til about 5...i used to...like him... and ja used to...get jealous... :P whatever... anyways....



thank goodness, i have my laptop back... :D



bayzil, that furreaking blog of yours is scary...well it's cool...but...that gurl from the poltergeist scared the hell out of me...i hate that gurl...grrrr...



lance....well, why look at things the easy way? it kinda makes things complicated sometimes, you know...you might be missing out on detailz...



ey george....wat up? :)



anyways...this is all for now... i'm kinda busy downloading the mp3's... :)

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i think girls are more mature than boys... i mean, probably i'm not speaking in general, but based on experience, gurls tend to be MORE open-minded than boys, more mature than boys... and it's because boys don't go through details...J.Lo was ryt...Men are N.I.D.'s....NOT INTO DETAILS... which doesn't make me wonder anymore... maybe that's why he...nevermind... at least, now i know i'm the adult in the relationship...and i have proof...i'm not as shallow as he is... :) wow... am i good, or what?



lance, you did a great job.... thanks... and "esh" instead of "tag" ...that's way too cool...you know what, you did it just the way i wanted it... ;) and because of that, you deserve a prize...i give you....THE EVIL JOEL.... hehe...kidding..i'm sorry, just that when i think of joel, one word comes to mind... MOCK... LOL...i'm a bad, bad girl...



anyways...i hafta bring my puppy, mimi, to the vet... so...i...gotta run.... :D



i can't go to Darl's debut...too bad.... :( the farthest is Quezon City....i'll be attending two debut celebrations...one in makati, and one is in Q.C. ..i'll be in the 18 cheerful wines, and the 18 treasures... they all sound new to me, but...hey...i'm a part of it! ;) i have a LONG speech prepared..and i've already designed my gowns...i gotta keep it simple though, don't wanna OUT-DO the debutante... hehe... :)

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this is soooo weird...i mean, instead of...being bitter and all that, sometimes, before i go to sleep (which is about 5 AM,) i usually...like...think about what Ja and i have gone through, and instead of crying over it, i'm actually SMILING...and then...i even laugh by myself sometimes...crazy?yeah...but it's weird...is this is a sign that i'm moving on, or what? this is..uhh...weird. just...weird...

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i think i got it all pretty figured out...i think... like i said, things could change... if it did, it still could... and since, we're still young, there are so many possibilities...of course,,,the pros and cons...but..i guess it all depends on your faith...on how you see things...but since i just want ja so much, i'm probably going to take the risk...i don't know...i guess i won't lose anything in 3 years...well, yeah..you guys would probably think it's miserable that i won't get to be held, hugged and all that...but it's worth the wait! :)



...well...maybe not...but...then...it's just now that i've understood Ja's situation...i see it as a test...God's test...

Ja's thoughts of the "circumstances seem to be denying us" thing shouldn't really affect me..like what my good friend Aiman said...WE are the ones denying circumstance, and not the other way around...Ja said he pretended that he was okay, but then he can't...go on with ldr...maybe this is what drove him to thinking such things...and he thought of negative stuff...so it would probably be easier for him to move on...maybe Ja did it on purpose...to think of everything negatively...for things to be easier...



i'll be calling Ja on his birthday...and then i'll be telling him...stuff..i already have my lines prepared...but..it's still 91 days before his birthday...pray he answers the phone..i don't want Ja avoiding me...that would hurt even more..



but i still don't feel any better..i feel like i'm hanging to something i'm not really sure of...this is hard...God help me...

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS? MAY 2! we should've been a year and nine months... and i even dreamt of him this morning...is it a sign, or..what? a year ago, i was in 22nd street, getting myself drunk over a ZOMBIE and a SCREWDRIVER...



I'm trying to forget that i'm addicted to you..what i wanted and i needed, i'm addicted to you...now it's over..can't forget what you said..and i never...wanna do this again..HEARTBREAKER...i'm addicted to you, heartbreaker....



when my mom sends my allowance, i will definitely be buying their album..and Madonna's,too...



i'm excited getting back to the dorm! and gail's gonna be my "neighbour"!!! :) :) :)



i like TLC's new song..DAMAGED...:)



the sun is showing up....not that much, but it is..quite..there..



yo, lancy...thanks,man....and, basil,too...you guys have been great LISTENERS... :) mwah..mwah.... :D



abbie isn't okay yet..but let's all pray that i would finally get to the end of this...i'm still hurt...just making things better for myself here...

do you guys know what the weird part is? just yesterday, i got the...the...chills down the spine...thingy going on...like when ja and i got together..the feeling is really unusual, but i just can't stop smiling and telling myself that "hey! ja loves me!!!" ... things are pret-ty strange.... whatever....



i'm gone,peepz! au revoir!

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