I’M GOING HOLY ON THIS ONE.



So, for those of you who think that talking religious sucks, SCOOT!.



For the first time I felt like it was worth crying over a movie. And it’s not just crying, the crying that you do when you’ve seen that Sex and the City season 3 finale. It’s not the type of crying that you do when you watch “My Best Friend’s wedding”, or that scene when Josh Hartnett dies in Pearl Harbor. I meant real tears. Tears from the heart. Have you ever watched a movie that changed you? a movie that had an effect on you, but you have no idea how…I have. And it had to be The Passion of the Christ. I just feel like it’s the most powerful religious movie I’ve seen. It had it’s own way of working itself into you. This was the only religious movie that kept playing in my head over and over. And no matter how many times you’ve watched it, it’s still a guaranteed tearjerker.



I will never forget the way Mary looked at the camera the time they put Jesus down on the cross. That look on her face that kinda meant like…”This is my Son, and this is what he did for you”… and it made me wanna say, “Sorry…” because knowing what he did for us, we’re not worthy. I just don’t know how we dared to forget what HE did for us…how could we just go on wit our lives living in sin. I know, we are human beings and it is considered normal for us to sin. But to LIVE in sin?... I don’t know how could I forget how to pray at night, and when I wake up. Why can’t I lie there for a moment, appreciate living again. Seeing another day. Why can’t I take a little of my time to thank God? Why can’t I pray before I eat in public? Why can’t I wake up early to go to church every Sunday?...how could I have done all this? How could I not think of what HE did for me? How could I forget about God… How could I sometimes blame him for the bad things happening in my life? I mean, we d o question him “why”…but how dare we blame him?... have you not thought of that?



My other relatives are not as religious as I am. I mean, yeah…we do go to church together sometimes but I can’t see their interest. I was the only one interested in watching the movie. I am not the most religious person in the world but I can say I still have my faith. I still know my stand. And I still know who to run to. And I’m holding on to that forever.



I just saw a Bible on the side of my bed and I opened it. Luke 6:37 says “ Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; you do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.” I know its hard forgiving. As I read the verse I thought to myself that it wasn’t easy.



It’s so hard forgiving a person who had given you promises that he didn’t know how to keep. Promises that made you expect, made you believe. It’s so hard to forgive a person who broke you into pieces. It’s so hard to forgive a person you once loved. It’s hard to forget the pain they caused you. and even if we’re both happy now, I still can’t think of how he could just let me go like that, and how he could move on with his life. And find someone new. I do not know how he managed to go on with his life and be happy knowing that he hurt me. Not that I still love him, I just can’t forget all the pain that he had caused, and how it almost lead me to not having another lovelife. It almost lead me to losing Andrew. And I could not bear thinking of losing Andrew just because of my fear…my fear of getting hurt again. He was the very main reason why I always ran away from love. Why I thought I would never be able to love again.



How do I forgive? How do I forget? How do I let the pain go? When all he could say is SORRY. Sorry and not mean it? does he mean it?



It’s so great how God can just forgive us. I don’t know why I can’t forgive that person when God can forgive people who have committed bigger mistakes…sins…*sigh*…I know God understands me for this.



ATE, ANONG PANGALAN MO?



“Huh? Bakit?” - that was my reply to the two small gurls asking for my name while we were walking on procession from the corner of the church. I didn’t give them my name yet, so they ran to their other friends (who were kids, too…) and they were pointing on me. “Ang ganda nya noh?” they were mumbling. I was flattered, of course. Hearing that from children. Hehe. Not that it’s getting to my head, I just appreciate them taking their time to look and appreciate me, too. Hope you don’t get me wrong. The two girls pulled their other gurlfriends along and the taller girl asked me for my name again…”tanungin mo na kase…” the two girls forced her. And she did… “Abbie…” I said. Then they ran off screaming my name. I thought it was cute though. Another memorable moment on a Good Friday aside my crying my eyes out over The Passion of the Christ.



I remember very well back in Jeddah…children were soooo clingy! And at first I thought it was scary. Oftentimes I go “what am I gonna do with you?”…hehe. but then I started loosening up. There was this girl named “Judy”, and she would hold my hand as I sat in the benches waiting for Tito Celso. She would tell me stories, and she’d always hug me. Sweet lil girl… Ja used to think I’d make a good mother. And Loriz’s sister. That kid was really pretty. Used to talk to her a lot. I had a bestfriend who was 8 when I was 14. Jennver. And she still is my bestfriend. Laila, Ja’s sister, used to tell me a lot of stories about Ja. There’s also something about babies. Whenever I’m in church, and there’s a baby carried by his mum in front of me, I’d go “GOOGOO!”…and smile…and the baby would end up smiling..ah! cute. I guess I got that from my mum. Gawd, my mom loves babies. She volunteered teaching in a kindergarten school for free. She even babysitted once. She loves children a lot. Hehe. I miss my mom.



Ohwell…



THE END OF THE WORLD.



No stock of Evian...anywhere! Makati Supermart, Shopwise... UGH!!!! jeez... :s

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