It's just so unfair. Things were going well... Of all people why us?

I slept at 11, woke up at 1 A.M. Paputol-putol pa yung tulog ko. The tube was left on, and I woke up ta the final epi of THE BACHELOR. I got the mirror beneath my pillow ( I keep one under 'cause it's been a daily habit of mine ta wake up every morning and see if I have any zits on my face. Vain, I know...), and I couldn't but notice a pair of bulgy eyes. That's what you get for crying for two consecutive hours.

The reason behind the sudden overflow of BAD emotions?

Don't get me started.

I was already pissed that I had lost ("lost") my allowance at home. (How the hell could that happen, right?) I wasn't done picking on what ta eat yet when he opened up this conversation:

Drew: May sumpong si Papa sakin...di kasi ako nag-exam eh...

Me: Huh?

Drew: Yung sa PMA...di ko alam na ganon pala ka-seryoso si Papa dun. Gusto niya akong mag-take, kase...baka mag-retire na siya eh. Nanghihina na daw siya.

Me: *speechless*

Drew: *turns back to the menu*

Me: So...ano...pano...???

Drew: Baka nga matuloy na talaga ako dun, Baby...baka next year daw.

Me: *mood gets even worse*... So, okay lang yun sayo? Kase parang wala lang eh..parang okay lang sai--

Drew: Hindi...*holds my hand* ..hindi okay yun, Baby...kagabi ko pa nga iniisip eh... Tayo.Ikaw. Ikaw yung unang pumasok sa utak ko nung kinausap ako ni Papa...ayoko...di ko kaya.

Me: *turns away*

**drew tries ta cheer me up by tryna close the conversation..there he goes, tryna dodge...but I insisted...***

Drew: Hindi, isipin mo nalang...wala akong sinabi.

Me: Sana diba, ganon lang kadali yun...


Later on I find him wiping his eyes. I bet he got teary eyed. I wasn't sure if he really was crying, though. But it looked like that ta me. I just turned away, I didn't want to think of what could possibly happen. It's like my head was surrounded by this dam that just prevented all these thoughts going in my head.

But I can't help it. What's gonna happen if he pushes through? What's gonna happen ta us?

And then it hit me real bad when I stepped into the dorm. And that's where I started crying. I undressed, wore a towel over my body and sat on the floor, just beside by bed...and then I thought of US.

All those times we spent together. When we acted like a bunch of kids. Those times when we did nothing but cuddle.... And I just couldn't imagine life without him. The future is now blurry. I couldn't imagine him being with someone else...

Shit. This sucks.

Watched "A walk to remember" and half of "Clueless" and "50 first dates" 'til like 5 A.M. I wasn't watching the whole movie though. Most of the time I'd just stare at our picture and cry like hell. Funny, you might think. But you just have no idea what it feels like to be in this kind of situation. I've been here already. I couldn't believe it was happening again.

No. No it's not. This is gonna work. God will help us make this work.

This won't end up like the first. Because I believe this is something different. God help us.

I decided ta lay down 'til I fell asleep. Woke up to my phone's alarm at 7 A.M. I had ta do this reaction paper for Speech. I sat on the bed and took out my Laptop, turned it on and started typing. This was the worst that I felt. I have never felt so down in my life. I mean, I know I feel down whenever we have a fight or something, but this was different.

How are we supposed to enjoy the moments we'd spend together knowing that that day might just come?

I didn't have lunch today. Not that I was tryna make inarte or something, I really didn't have the appetite ta eat.

What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to think? Actually, let's rephrase that last question : WHAT am I supposed to think right now? How am I gonna accept all this? Not that it's final but...it could happen.


Tomorrow, most of the COM and JOU students will be going on an exposure trip ta ABS-CBN. I gotta wake up at 5. Goodluck sakin.

There goes starting your week right.