BACK TO BEING LONELY...



Nah. It's not what you're thinking. I just miss him, that's all..



Weird. We actually call each other BABY. And it's weird we both thought it was okay since we both called our exes, BABY. He actually didn't want to at first, but I'm like...it's all in the past anyways... and "he" doesn't come to mind when I call Andrew "Baby". It's all about Andrew now. :D I just love that guy. It's nice cus we're still in that getting-to-know-each-other stage. So much to know...I think it's a good thing... :D



I'm lonely cus he had to go home...so I'll be stuck at the dorms tonight...til tomorrow afternoon not seeing him. TIL SUNDAY!!! AAAHH!!

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FINALLY.



It's what everyone has been saying about the relationship. Yes guys, you heard it right. RELATIONSHIP. I'm in one now. AGAIN, Yes guys, you heard it right.



Friday night, I was okay wit things. I was convinced that things were going the way they should. We were laughing. Like friends do. We were talking. Like friends do. We were practically acting NORMALLY.



I had accepted that things were over. But not totally. Like I said, I knew it was okay this way cus we had more time to get to know each other...(less ilangan )...



But then it all changed when I rode that bike.



Thank God...Ed...Leah... all the people who told me to "fight". One of them was Lance.



We're just taking things slowly right now...



Today I've been affected wit the way people have been reacting but then... anyways...what matters is that...FINALLY. :D



I love the guy. If you don't like him, I guess I can't do anything about it. :D One way or another...people could be like... WHY THEM? ... hah... the hell I care... basta! We love each other and that's it. It's what matters. :D

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FEELING THIS



It sure is one of my favorite songs nowadays. It's one of those songs I play in the laptop REAL loud whenever I'm in the shower.



Actually we're sleeping out tonight. God help us. *tee hee* ...



This is one weird day... but I'm happier with things this way... I HAVE TO BE!



Anyways..this I can't really say anything but... what?



Let's drink to this? hehehehehe.... Actually I already did. Last night. Kewl I drank by myself. They were calling me CHERRY ABBIE. Cus I turned red again... I didn't even know what I was doing... (HELLO? It's what happens when you're drunk right?).... oh whatever... but it felt good cus it made me sleep well...it did! :D I didn't have to go through all that thinking. WORD.



Can things just remain this way? I'll be reallu happy....Please, God... let them just be this way...

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GOING AGAINST FATE



When fate takes you in a place you don't wanna be in, you can change it. It's your life. You have what they call is "FREE WILL"...and you have every right to use it.



They're like, if I didn't do all that it wouldn't end up this way. If I didn't take this long it wouldn't be this way.



But I expected him to understand. He said he did. And that gave me the assurance that I can hold on to things for the meantime. Get myself together and finally have to guts to say "YES". I thought I was still in this stage of liking him so much. I said I needed time. He said he could give me time. And that he would wait for me. And that he won't leave me no matter what. I believed in every word he said.



He saw me around wit other guys, but I explained that I can't just cut things off like that.



For less than two weeks I got "ilang". It's happening. I'm falling. But i was SO scared.(F*CK! I've always BEEN!) Because that could mean that I could end up getting hurt again. But this time came. I thought THIS IS IT. But then just as I did, there it goes...down the drain. Flushed in the toilet bowl. It's like I was spit out or something.



On that Friday night when we sat beside each other in Ed's starex and then giving each other flying kisses just before I logged in I thought everything was fine. I was at Leah's dorm waiting for her ta get her stuff and I was smiling to myself. And then she popped out the question : Kailan ba, Abbie? and I smiled. I'm like... Eyah, konting konti nalang.



We barely talked (this I admit is totally my mistake..) but then we still texted. I told him about what I was doing and all that. But then when he said I LOVE YOU as a joke I took it seriously and it made me back out a little bit. He always wanted to tell me how he really felt but I didn't let him. That's where I went wrong. But then, in that span of time that we weren't talking, why didn't he approach me and ask me what was wrong?



And then, unexpectedly...he stopped. He lost interest. He lost it. He let it slip.



And now he acts OK. Like he's... not hurt. Like he never really felt anything for me. It's like we switched places. When Ed would joke about us, he'd say ... "SHUT UP"... Hey, that was my line. Is this how I made him feel? I didn't mean to. I didn't have any intention of hurting him. That's the last thing in the world I wanna do.



And they're assuming I just miss the attention he used to give me. BULLCRAP. If I did, i could've just gone for anyone and make papampam in front of him or something.



The thing is, should I be the one doing the talking FIRST most of the time? I make pakipot! Naturally! It's what a girl does! Think about it. It's like I'm that guy holding up this red cloth waiting for the bull to come after it. That's what it was all about. But did he come near me? He did. But we didn't talk.



He thinks I'm playing around. He thinks I'm still into some guy. But I already told him back then that it was him I liked.



Things went wrong but weren't they supposed to? Things like that happen to test you.



Guys, getting into a relationship doesn't happen "JUST LIKE THAT". I mean, for someone like me, who has gone through a lot...my definition of a relationship is DEEP.



I always say this, but you DO NOT know how much shit I've been into. How much pain I felt. You CANNOT blame me for being like this. I DID NOT want things to be this way. I DID NOT want to be this person. Always running away from things. All I wanted is for someone to UNDERSTAND that it takes time! It takes time... but when I say something I mean it.



He shouldn't have given me all these promises if he didn't mean it. He shouldn't have showed me how he felt if he wasn't sure...



He wasn't supposed to be that good. But he was. It was too good to be true. And then he slipped.



" Abbie, what's wrong wit you? you've become so silent these days, you're not as fun as you were anymore! " ... - i thought no one noticed. Everyone's acting so normal. Not that I want them to be affected... I just...



I want those days back. I get so desperate. Where is he?



How can guys just make you fall? and then he says things, you fall for it and then leaves?

Is that what they're good at?



What's wit the pride? Why are you mad? WHAT WENT WRONG? Why did you let it happen? Did it get to your head? Did it? What everyone is saying about you?...



I had a lot of guts to say all those things but then you didn't do the same. I know I might have stepped on your ego but it's no excuse for not hearing me out, for not really understanding my side.



People stop blaming me for ALL this, please. It's hard enough for me. I'm not the only one who made a mistake. I want to start over but he doesn't. We bump into each other and it's like this cold air. He's giving me this face that he's OKAY. "Oh, poor girl..look at you? YOU DESERVE THIS! after all you did to me! Now look at me? I didn't lose ANYTHING...and I'm doing great...I've never been better..." ... I thought it might be running in his head...



But then, for me... it keeps running in my head.



I want him back. I need him back. Because I love him.



It might sound cheap to most of you. But I need to let this out. A girl can only take so much.



I've been wounded before. Here's goes another one.



I thought I would be happy with him. I knew I was. Ask Gail. Ask my dorm mates. Whenever they ask me who I think I'm gonna be happy with...I answer....



I just hate to think that when I tell him all this, he's gonna think of it as bullshit. F*ck that. This is how I feel. I can't believe he doesn't have faith in me.



I admitted my mistake. What else am I supposed to do?



And how can he just tell me to forget about him? Why does he find it so easy?



If only I could go back...way back December... i would've...just went for it. I couldn't have been regretting all this.



It might sound stupid...but for as long as I could hold it, I'm not giving up. He might be saying it's over. But things aren't too late for me. They're never too late for me. This time I think it's my turn to fight. I just don't know how to start when he's not even letting me in. Giving me a chance.



How is the fight supposed to start?

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RAISE YOUR HANDS TO HEAVEN



And pray.



I don't wanna say anything...about anything... I just wanna leave it at that. But yeah.... there are those times you wanna know...let it out. Friends are there. But who has the... oh well.



Today was okay.... Open house was fun. Everything went pretty well. Actually If you think about it... it's fine. We all had a blast. I wus just pissed at Ban cus he din't wanna come in the dorm... He wus ... SHY? Argh. Like we were never friends.



Anyways... haha...the ISO program? funny everytime I remember it i think I sucked. And the singing part? wait. Did i even sing? JOKE!!!! ;p ;p ;p oh well...there's like a lot more opportunities for that.





IT'S A SUNNY DAY



But you're not around...



And is there anything I can do about it? MAFI.



Every question leads to the same answer. It's like I'm stuck in this labyrinth. (THANKS LANCE.) Sorry my brain isn't really working that well. I remember yesterday I couldn't multiply 6x4. GAWD!... what is wrong wit me? (everything! haha..)



... Let's all drink to this. Naw, Zee...it's just that I need an outlet. okay? :)

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FROM ONE GIRL TO ANOTHER.



MEDICATION:

Abbie Alodia Alducente Almasco

Production date: September 2003

Expiry date: January 2004

3x a day, 6x a day?Drink anytime you want. But stop when you get sick of it.

Side effects: Lazyness,you start to lose interest, can also turn you into a complete ass. It is also capable of making you forget your name. And the things you went through. It can also make you feel angry and numb most of the time.






Cool right? but come to think of it. Maybe we all are just some sort of medicine to people.



And they expire. Or they just never work.



Oh, and the title? I felt like it. It's true. It's what I feel towards...



I never thought I'd feel this pain again. From someone I did not to expect to hurt me. I knew it. I just knew it. It's never been easy trusting someone. That's also why it ended up like this in the first place. But he was supposed to understand. It's not that easy letting go of people.



And now he's happy...in someone else's arms. Someone I did not even think of...



God help me.

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EXPIRATION DATE?



Oh my God. Is that what this is all about? They give you "TIME" to think? And if it doesn't happen? BOOM! It's all over? OVER? BENITO?



I know I made a mistake. But that doesn't mean I don't deserve a second chance.



And if it doesn't happen, then I guess I'll just hafta regret it.... It's my fault. But I do want it back.



I just pray it's not too late. Because I don't wanna lose it this time.



I know some might hate me for this. But this time I think I do want to be happy.



But right now I feel nothing but fear. Confusion. Should I? Should I go for it now?



HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS NOW?

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DON'T WE ALL ?



No matter how scared we are, we all want to.

"You have to look past {beyond} the paint"... We all want to see what's really there, don't we? I know George and I are feeling the same way.



MY IMMORTAL...



Whenever I think funerals, this song comes to mind. I feel sorry for Joseph. I don't know how to feel exactly. I heard it this afternoon when Mommy Odeng announced it ta all the dormers. Len and I will be going to church tomorrow. Tonight I might pray the rosary.



SONGS ARE SUBSTITUTES TO VANILLA FRAPPS.



You don't know my name, I promise, My Immortal, 'Til my heartaches end, Feeling this, She will be loved, Sleep All day, Officially Missing you ... a few of my favorite songs right now. It's what you might hear me sing...they make me feel bettah.



WORDS.



From the heart. Words that can be felt, not said. Is there such a thing? It's what I need. I don't need anyone ta say anything, not yet. I just want God to give me a sign.



GOD BLESS SABRINAS.



THANK GOD! i won't be wearing COCONUT SHELLS!

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COCONUT SHELLS, ANYONE?



Haha! Thanks Leah, for helping me come up wit that title. :D Drichy is convincing me ta wear it on the 20th, because we’ll both be representing GUAM. (Whoa! He said I could be GUAM MATERIAL. WORD! ) But I don’t know…I’m not sure if I should show off that much skin, and besides, hindi pantay yung skin tone ko! :D Yesterday we slept at 5 A.M. watching American Pie (1 and 2). And yesterday wasn’t much of a good day for me. It was the day from hell.



” TARANTADO!..”

…”ang sarap mambatok!” … The words that my prof in Comm Theory blurted out after I gave him my reason on why I wasn’t able to do my research. I did not feel like crying but I felt like kicking his balls. How dare he say something like that to a student? I mean, I know he has every right to get mad but he has NO…definitely NO rights of cussing a student. I know I did make a mistake but he shouldn’t have said those. He did apologize, but after he did :



*Mr. E looks at Abbie and asks*

MR. E : Ms. Almasco, do you know your assigned topic?

ABBIE: No, sir. My groupmates and I have not discussed about who’s reporting what.

MR. E. : You have the syllabus, right Ms. Almasco?

ABBIE : Yes sir, I do.

MR. E : Hindi ka naman bulag para hindi mo makita yung mga nakasulat na topics diyan diba?

ABBIE : *really really REALLY pissed* NO SIR, I’M NOT.



I felt like saying more. I felt like doing more. This time I felt like standing up, kicking his balls and breaking his nose.



On our 30-minute break I had the urge of seeing Ed and vent out. Because when things like these happen, I can see that he feels my pain. It’s like when I talk to him, there’s nothing else on his mind but me, my problem, and how to help me. It makes me feel like I have someone on my side. ( I’m not trying to say my friends have not done or made me feel like this, but at this point I needed Ed. I know you understand what I mean. ) Unfortunately, he was still on his way, but I’m thankful for ate Kai because I told her about it and she listened. She also told me something about experiencing something similar back in high school. I left the canteen wit a smile on my face but then just as I went past the SBC the smile turned upside down. I was going back to class. The 30 minute break was over. I texted Ed. THANKFULLY, after class, which was about past 3, I found Ed and a friend of his sitting on the sidewalk in front of the dorm’s guard house. “Finally..” I thought to myself. We were talking and Andrew showed up. Another sign of relief. Then a few minutes later I head to my dorm and they head to Ed’s starex.



THE INNER DIVA…it’s in me - somewhere…



I turned the T.V. on, tuned in to MTV waiting for I PROMISE to play. I dressed up, wore that Nike cap Zee gave me the night before, fixed my stuff, then I sat on the bed chewing on Whammo’s and watching Britney Spears doing “surprise” performances on New York clubs. Suddenly, I took my voice recorder out and started singing. (I remember this one time, when I couldn’t sleep, and I was alone at the dorm, I recorded and voice, I sang STAY, SWAY, ‘TIL THEY TAKE MY HEART AWAY. I rewinded the tape afterwards, and listened to them ‘til I fell asleep. Weird, eh? Well I didn’t have anyone singing for me, so I decided to just…sing for myself! It worked anyway! :D ).



My aunt came with my uncle’s cousin, Tito Mark. We were told by the “traffic enforcers” that we should pass by Villa Isabel, yada yada. They were like “we don’t know the freakin’ way around here…” we passed by Villa Isabel anyways. And guess what – we passed by F1. Where Ed works out. I saw his Starex parked there so I told Tito Mark we could stop and ask him for directions. So I got down from the car and ran to the door, and asked for him. Andrew was sitting on the stairway, while Ed was in front of him, workin out. They both had this weird look on their face when they saw me. :D Whew. Thanks to all the people who gave us directions. :D



We went home, dropped my stuff, got my swimsuit, then we went ta Festi, then ATC, and finally got to Los Banos.



TAN LINES, MOSQUITO BITES, BROKEN NAILS AND KARAOKE MACHINES.



It’s 2 A.M. and here I am in front of my lappie and at the same time, scratching this bite on my elbow. My aunt’s sister has this place in Los Banos and they have a private pool. As soon as we got here I took out the swimsuit from my bag and ran to the bathroom and changed. In less than 5 minutes I was in the pool. :D of course, it’s the usual thing. Me and my cousins are like this pack of hyenas. Thanks to the “float” I actually got to stargaze while I was at the pool. :D

A few hours later, Chi and I decided to SING. Yes, sing. Hah! We have this Karaoke machine… I sang…let’s see..HANGGANG NGAYON, ‘TIL THEY TAKE MY HEART AWAY, INTIMACY, TOO MANY WALLS, LOVING YOU, ‘TIL MY HEARTACHES END…I got 97-98. :D



Ugh. I can’t hold out any longer. I’ll post this when we get home later. For now, I’ll hafta rest my poor peepers. :)

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GREY.



c jaja? he's a nice guy! we call each other 'muffins'...he's naturally sweet, a perfect gentleman, a loving individual and very understanding! (Libre!!!!) everytime nag-aaway kami, sya una sumusuko! di nya me matiis...dat's what i lyk about him! di yan sya mayabang sa ibang tao pero pag sakin nagyayabang yan! cguro kasi we're comfortable talking to each odr kya alam ko kung pano sya magyabang! anywayz, tnx kaka bo 4 everything!!! stay nice and sweet...



Muffins, eh?... well I don't know why I posted this here but I just felt like it. I shouldn't be feeling bad because...things, as of now are over... I mean, you know what I mean... It's weird, I even dreamt about it!



Last night I watched Ever After. And then it had an effect on me. I dunno.



Right now I'm sitting next ta Len, then Lance, then Drich...



OH WELL... so much for my whining...

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IN A RELATIONSHIP?



Hold that thought. I thought he wasn't IN one. It kinda excited me he had a friendster account. But then... IN a relationship? And the things she's been saying about him? That's how he was with me too! SHIT! It...It...It's more than painful. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel... This completely ruined my morning. It's like a slap in the face.

If any of you ever find me staring into "outer space" don't wonder why. I'm just thinking of how stupid I am. Wait. Is it really me or is it HIM?

How long have I been in the Matrix?

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FEELS LIKE HOME…



I stayed at home the WHOLE day. It’s funny cus I wasn’t bored. I guess if you have cousins like these you won’t feel bored. :D



I got this testi from my girlfriend Ann, and she said we PIG out a lot. Actually, if you get to know me better, and when I think my pigging out won’t affect our friendship, I’ll gladly pig out wit you. hehehe.



I just finished playing Mario Kart. :D I got 1st place! Hyuk… :D



Tomorrow, my “kababata” Carlos (I used to call him Caloi and he called me Junee ),might be coming over. He’s like “When I come over, let’s not stay there…” hehehe. Hiya daw siya. YEARRIGHT! We’ve known each other since I was like 3! I remember he used to come over our place and we’d play PLAY-DOH. :D When I got to see him again it was when I got to the Philippines. Which was more than a year ago. And when I saw him I’m like, “OMG! LOOK AT YOU!” hehe. We didn’t get to recognize each other anymore.



I also got to watch David Blaine on AXN yesterday. He’s cool. And he’s HOT, too. :D



I really miss you guys! Andrew and I barely “talk”… hmm… oh well at least I get ta see everyone next week. I’m not sure if we start on the 6th though.



I pray George is doing okay now. I mean, I know what he’s going through. And it’s also rare for a guy to be so open about how he feels about certain things and his problems. Most guys (as Lance puts it) goes around bushes. George goes straight to the point. George, don’t change that part of you.



My dad is already currently thinking about getting the phone. (God, please..:D )



G’nyt y’allz…

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