WHY IS IT CALLED HOLDING ON?

When in a relationship, the words “I’m holding on to you forever” is turned into a cliché.

When we found that one person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we take all sorts of risks to keep them. And sometimes, even if you’re in the brink of letting go, you hear that little voice give you a little bit of encouragement and then you think : Okay, I’m holding on.

Because it’s worth holding on to.

And for people who eventually have been let go (I have once been that person), we say, “I still want to hold on”. Maybe because of the simple hope that one day, while we hold on to their shoes while we’re at the edge of the cliff, they would see us – and decide to take us back.

Or, they can make us see the cold reality. They let us slip from holding on to their shoes, and let us die. They let us fall off from the cliff. Not knowing, that it would not just kill us emotionally, but that we may never be able to get up again.

And worse, Love again.

Some of us are just lucky to be able to get up. Lucky to make it up again. Lucky to find someone again. Lucky to love again.
And maybe, find us the right ones.

But for some, why are the right ones, the ones who turn out to break their hearts?

And now, my first official wonder;

I couldn’t help but wonder…When did finding the right one become wrong?

You’ll just never know. Unless you end up in church, would you?

But then are we willing to risk that much, to put all our emotions at stake when we know that one day this might not just work? That one day we might just end up alone, and one day we’d be back in the market, looking for another buyer? And that the process just might never end?

Until the right one comes?

When is that gonna happen? Aren’t we all afraid to end up alone, but at the same time, aren’t we all so afraid of getting hurt over and over and over?

Love. Jeez.


THE “ME” PART OF THE STORY.

Anyways. It’s been a while since I talked about my life, and what’s been going on with me lately. So here, the juicy details.

Brace yourselves… DUH. Like my life has been anything but stirring.

March 28.
It was classcard distribution, and the only thing so substandard was my grade in Photojournalism grade which was a 1.75. That was the only grade I had that started with a ONE. My mission was to have at least a 2 for my lowest this sem.

But it was my fault anyway. I had a number of absences, I didn’t pass some of my assignments, I missed a quiz and didn’t pass the final major assignment. I still consider myself to be lucky I got a 1.75, not a 1.00. Because that would definitely…destroy my buzz.

After the classcard distribution I had to wait for my cousin, Chi at Nebo for more than 2 hours ( I din’t have any choic…I “fixed” my blog – didn’t turn out exactly the way I wanted but I’m pretty much pleased. Anyway), we headed ta ATC, and Lance inadvertently got on the same van we were in.

We checked out for Havaianas, unfortunately there were none, but we bumped into BILLABONG, and I was dying to get me this Billabong beach bag, and I also loved their swimsuits! I am SO gonna get myself one before we head ta Bora this May. I cannot not go without new swimwear! And a suntan lotion, and a beach bag, and new Havaianas.

Afterwards we headed ta Powerbooks where I promised myself that I would buy this book, THE FASHIONISTA FILES. I don’t understand how they cannot have Paris Hilton’s “Confessions of an Heiress”. Grr. Chi so wanted a copy of the sixth Harry Potter book so she decided to have one reserved. She had ta pay 500 bucks for it. Hmm. I bet it really is worth it for her. Because she is one helluva Harry Potter fan.
Our next stop was Burger King because we were craving for it for like forever, and then we watched Miss Congeniality 2. Cool movie. It was okay. Sandra Bullock was hilarious, as usual. And heartbroken. Watch it.

After the movie we checked out Olympic World because I have to canvass for my stuff. The Yoga Mat, A top and shorts that I needed for working out. I’ve also been thinking about getting a sweater, a turban and some socks. For Jogging. Ha ha.

Lately I’ve just been religiously working out. C’mon, it’s summer! The only time of the year we get to be permitted to show a little skin off the beach. I guess it was a slap in the face when I saw Jennifer Lopez’s body. And Andrew has been helping me with it.


March 30.
I enrolled for Summer Class, but we had to claim the registration forms at 4 PM, and it was like, 11! So we decided to go back tomorrow.

Which was pretty much good news for me, ‘coz I get to see Andrew. Teehee. I called him in a jiffy and told him about it. Yay!

Afterwards we rode in Anton’s car (thanks for tha ride!), and he dropped me off at ATC’s terminal.

As I got down I headed straight ta The Body Shop were I canvassed (finally) a concealer and a loose powder. I checked out Beauty Bar to see if Philosophy had a loose powder but out of stock na daw (bummer) so I went ta get some notes and bought the ones I saw at The Body Shop.
And then I headed back ta Olympic World to see if there were any good sweaters being sold, turns out there were none. And this guy kept bugging me about my name, and just to shut him up, I decided to tell him, and when he asked me if I was with my boyfriend I just said “Yes!” ha ha.

Ew. I mean, I’ve been getting like, HI’s and stares from MEN.

So odd.

I hurried ta Starbucks because I was excited to find out if LEMON PASSION ICED TEA made a comeback and… IT DID! WOOHOO! That was the highlight of the day! The last time I drank one was last summer, when Andrew and I would like, spend our afternoons at ATC almost everyday. And whenever we entered Starbucks, they didn’t need ta ask us what our orders and names were. It’s like, when I enter, they’re like, “Hi Abbie! Lemon Passion Iced Tea and Ensaymada?”
I just smile.
So there I was today waiting for my Uncle to pick me up, and I was happily sipping my Venti sized, Lemon Passion Iced Tea, and it’s a type of scene that would happen repetitively for the rest of the summer. Mmm. I can still taste it. I can’t believe it only costs like, 90 pesos for Venti… Maybe because there wasn’t any Raspberry Syrup in it. But ohwell, it still pleased me.

It’s that type of drink you’d like to have before making out.

Oh my. Too much information? Ha ha.

March 31.
This is one heck of a day. I was supposed to get up at 5 AM so that I could work-out before going to school but then I was tooooo lazy to get up so I kept changing the alarm time. Ha ha.

I got to school at 8 AM, and hurriedly rushed to see my Andrew. In a way, I got to spend time with a part of his family. His cousins and brother. There's just something about them that makes me feel so at ease, that I don't have to play a part of the sweet girlfriend or something. It's like, I can be what I am in front of them and they'd still like me, especially his Mom, my Tita Dinah. The warm company that she gives...

Andrew really showed me that he missed me, he kept giving me kisses in public, and even with his family around. HE IS SO SWEET.

After finally getting my reg form, we met up at the canteen where they had lunch and I insisted not to since Chi and I will be meeting up at Festival (for a change!), and then they gave me a lift. All of them, they all were so humble. They're not like those typical families, where the Mom raises her eyebrows on you and give you a better look, or where their cousins and brothers don't mind you at all and give you this vibe... They act...just the way they are. No pretentions. No censorship. And that's what I loved about them most.

Andrew even texted me once, that I should've gone there with him...because it's a picture of the whole "family"...and that he already considers me to be part of it. Because I was his future wife.

Wife. Could you believe that? I'm too scared to fall for those words again but...this is just too good not to have faith in. And I trust him. I trust him, and I believe in what he says.

It's so rare to find a great guy who has a great family behind him. And not to mention, VERY supportive as well.

I guess...or rather, I believe. I'm on the right track.

I love you, Andrew. So much.

They dropped me off at Alabang's terminal, where we both didn't mind to kiss before I got down... and not more than an hour later, we were texting each other "I miss you" again.

Chi and I met up at Festi, where I had two Lemon Passion Iced Teas again. We watched Be Cool (one kick-ass movie), and had dinner at Ssbarro.

We were acting like complete idiots today. Laughing around like 12 year old girls who didn't really care. I guess I really am just more confident about myself now. I don't care if I make silly faces and laugh my ass off in public.

I'm having fun, who cares? And besides, I haven't really done anything that annoyed people - YET.

Whhooooo. I'm buying myself another Starbucks tumbler, this time it's not that BIG silver one.

I miss Andrew. I'm looking forward to Summer Class.

My cousin is an airhead. Well that goes for both of us.

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