When things get cliché.

Lovelife? Career? Career? Lovelife?

Which comes first? Which should be given much priority? When both makes you happy... When you both have been dreaming about both...a healthy career, and a healthy lovelife.

Okay, so... this is great. I mean, really great. I would get to do the things I'ce always wanted, the things I've always been dreaming of since I was 8.

Isn't so cliché? Things are going great with your career, and here comes... the rocky road of relationships.

Let's say, the feeling of having a boyfriend feel jealous over someone feels kinda good. Especially when it comes to wanting your attention all the time, yada yada... I love it whenever Andrew indirectly says, "Baby, I want you to be all mine". (Cheesy, I know) He's never liked me joining all those Fashion shows at school. He never liked other guys lookin' at me and sh*t. He always thought that I did them all for attention, because I LIKED guys drooling at me. He just has no idea. Sometimes it still hurts me that my own boyfriend thinks of me that way. But I guess it all comes down to the fact that he still has to know more about me. A year isn't as long as you think.

We texted about it (because we both let things out easier when we "write" them - it works that way for us), and I said sumn like "You've only known me for a year or so. My friends who knew me way back DO understand me...do know that this means A LOT to me"... And I guess he understood. But you can't help feeling that he's just not comf'table. Especially when he said "..I'll let you do your thing. Just don't drag me into those stuff..."

It kind of hurt and relieved me in a way. Thankfully...he didn't break up with me, or let me choose between "the two".

Anyway, it all ended with him saying that he's still going to support me. Even if it meant he won't be with me physically in those times that I'll be "out there". Andrew just never IS comf'table with the crowd's eyes set on me.

And IF he ever reads this (because he barely does, he says he never "got" me and my posts - silly, ain't it?), I just wanna say that I'm thankful that he's trying his best to understand me, and accept me even if it's kinda against his beliefs or sumn. I know it's not easy, but thanks for hearing me out, thanks for letting me do this, for giving it straight to the point. The truth hurts. It always does, but...you always gave it to me straight up. It's a WHOLE lot better that way. You might not understand my reasons for why I've been wanting to do this. But I also want you to know that this is for YOU.

I wish that after all this, one day you'd say..."I'm so proud of you, Baby."

OKAY LES CUT THE CRAP RIGHT NOW. (whew) Whenever I get sentimental I just get...lost.

Sometimes, when I think about the fact that I've gotten in, that finally...AFTER YEARS of dreaming that I'd see myself on the pages of an à la mode magazine...it's finally happening.

Guys...it's finally happening.

0 comments: