I want my mommmmmmy!

These days I feel like wanting to go back to my childhood. I f*cking wish it was easy.

When I was about 6, I remember what my worries were. As far as I remember, they were... math, barbies, monsters under my bed... and bullies. Thinking about it back then, it felt like I was going through so much as a child. But then thinking about it now... makes me wish I was 6 again.

Looking at myself in the mirror last night...in my underwear,all drenched, my mascara running down my cheeks, my mind wandering off to the land opposite Peter Pan's...might have fooled you. Sure, I'm old. I'm 19. You might think that being 19 and all should make you...mature and strong enough to go through such a phase in life. You might think, "It's normal" and that I should know better.

But then, at the end of the day... I'm just a girl. Better yet, I'm just human.
(Not that I'm degrading myself using the word "just". But you know what I mean.)

Some people, even our parents expect so much from us. Like... I don't know. But they just expect you to...understand EVERYthing.

Sure, I'm 19. I should be "old" enough. But no. I don't think what I've learned from all the sh*t I've gone through is ENOUGH to make me BE in THIS world RIGHT NOW. I mean, I guess I was blindfolded all these years, and eventually God just took them off. I just wish he didn't. I wish I still believed that the world is full of rainbows and butterflies and flowers. And that the only thing that can hurt me is the boogeyman.

There are times in your life when you want to feel ALIVE. Like, riding a rollercoaster or something. But I guess the times that I feel most alive, is when life embraces me with it's cold, cold arms.

I don't know. Worrying about the boogeyman can get freaky. But these problems are definitely not JUST a pain in the tush.

I just wish these problems could all go away just by tugging my Mom's skirt. Like I used to when I was 6. Mommy can make it all go away.

I wish I knew all this then. Things would've been different.

But then again...


  1. this is the best time to approach mommy. really. :)

  2. I guess. But she's like, a thousand miles away....