AAAAAH!



So much to say. Blog still under renovation.



THE SERIES OF EVENTS THIS JANUARY :



Andrew and I turned 1 year last January 24.



I joined this year's Fashion Exposure, and I had to back out of representing Journ in Ms. Lia Nite because I was so much under pressure. I din't win and some girls think I don't deserve to anyway but I didn't join so that I could win anyway(just thought of clearing that up).



Mr. Rivera will be leaving.



I have had a series of suicidal attempts. (Yeah I can be really dumb at times).



A few girls at the dorm have been shitting at my face, and I'm so sick of it so i'll just let that one go.



This isn't my blog's final lay-out, I just wanted to see what it's "going ta" look like.



WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS MONTH:



Valentine's Day. Enough said.





...Okay so I'm at Nebo right now and it's 8 PM. And I've gotta run because uhm...of so many reasons.





SHOUT-OUTS:



Lance - Belated Happy Birthday. :D



That's it.



GOTS TA RUN!

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SO LONG TO ’04



So long to the year that has brought me my most happiest, my most saddest, my most traumatizing, my most passionate, my most hardest, my most depressing, my most maturing, my most strongest, my most sexiest, my most confident…and my most unforgettable - so far.



I would like everyone reading this blog - whether you know me that well or not - to know how thankful I am for having the chance to meet such people in my life. And as my tradition, I would give a tribute to all the people who meant a lot to me this year - (in random order) :



ED. For not giving up on me on those days when I was so stubborn, when I didn’t listen to your advices, and for all those hugs you’ve been giving me. And for being mad at me right after I did the dumbest thing you could ever imagine. Thank you for ALL the understanding, and for continuing to be there for me. For not leaving me in the times that I needed you the most. And even if you did, you did it to prove something - that I am strong enough to face the trials God gives me. I love you.



AYAH. For not looking down on me. We’ve been friends since 1st year high school. We know SO MUCH about each other, and through the years the proof just gets stronger and stronger - that there is nothing that could break this friendship. And I mean nothing. You’re more than just my sister. You’re the voice inside my head.



MAYA. She never forgets to remember. She reminded me of the person that I was. Of what I’m worth. I’ve changed. But reminded me of things that I shouldn’t have forgotten. For accepting me of who I really am. Of who I really am. This girl and I have been through a lot as well. Maya - my Jimminy Cricket. Pushing me to do better. And be who I am supposed to be.



BAN. For not changing the way he is, It’s like “he’s once a ban ban, and always WILL BE a ban ban”, and I love him for that. If he ever changed, it was always for the better. And he’s just so determined. That’s what I really love about him.



JAYS. For running to me whenever he has problems. For making me feel that I’m one special friend and that I’m also worth running to. And it was also because of him I went past through one of the most horrible years of my life. Though he is hurting right now, I can tell he’s also one of the people with the most strongest faith in God. Through him, I am reminded that YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE.



GEORGE. For not being afraid to stand up for himself even if it meant “him against all odds”. For showing no shame to admitting his being vulnerable. For showing no shame to admitting his weaknesses. His frustrations. That - to me, is a real MAN. No pretensions. All purity. Long live people like him. My advice though - WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?



FRANCO. For being my very own DR. LOVE. For the non-stop advices. For being my shoulder and my organizer all in one. For snapping me back to reality. For being a great, great friend. For trying to bring out the best in me.



PEEPO. For pushing me to be at my most mature self. For the countless times we’ve been analyzing my relationship problems, and for all the comfort he’s been giving me. You too, are considered one of my rather few true friends.



BASIL. For the endless mocking we’ve both been doing since the very first time we became close. For verbally banging my head on the wall. Thank you for the hugs and for caring so much about me.



KARL. For making fun of me. For being the life of the party. For simply being the person that you are. Please be serious with her this time. Oh, and..I love your nose, please don’t get a nose job.



JAJA. For still being here. For being patient. For letting go. For being a really, really special friend. I treasure our friendship in a different way, a lot better than before. I’m glad things worked out this way for both of us, and I still consider myself lucky for once having you that way in my life - and for still having you now, in a better way. For old times sake, I love you. And I’m happy we’re both happy with our separate lives. You know we both deserve it.



CHOEL. For the endless telephone conversations. For always being by my side even if it just meant dialing my phone number. For making me your radio. For ALL the advices, for all the jokes, for all the green jokes, for all the laughs, for all the nonsense things we’ve been sharing, for all the times we both waited on each other while we take a piss, for teasing me, and making me face reality the hard way. Literally one of the truest friends I have.



LANCE. For still making me feel so special, like I deserve everything that I have in this world. For saying stuff like “ I miss you “ on times when I least expect it. And for still, in a way making me feel…weird. In a good way. I will miss you. Truly.



CALOI. For wanting to kick every guy’s ass who goes in my way. (in a bad context ), and for giving some of his precious time to help me stop crying. My kababata. My sweet friend. My partner in pulling an all-nighter ( over the phone, that is. )



CHARLENE. For being so nice to me, and for helping me go through one of the hardest nights of my life. Looking forward to meeting you.



GAIL. For helping me keep my head up, for giving me much confidence. I look up to people like you, who knows how to fight. And just keep fighting. For learning how to let go, to accept the mistakes you’ve committed, for sharing the same pain, the same experiences. We truly do share the same theme song. I love you.



DARLIN. For the non-stop comforting and serious talks we’ve had. I’m so glad I met someone like you.



JUNO. For being the best canteen-pal ever. For sharing the same appetite as I do. And for being you. Because of that, it was never hard to be your friend. For caring this much.



SKY. For being the tough girl that you are. For making me see things in a very different point of view. For giving me much hope, and for making lunch a “fun-ner” day-to-day thing. For being the smart ass that you are.



PEPET. For making life seem more…child-like and easy. For making me laugh. You’re one of the medicines I should have handy in my emergency purse.



ANTON. For the free rides (when we’ve already paid 10 pesos each. Haha). And for being as carefree as you can imagine. You remind me of myself sometimes and I love you for it.



ATE NOEMI. For sharing laughs with me at the recollection. Another living proof that first impressions never really last.



UPPER. For polluting my brain with such ideas of running around the dorms trying to scare other dormers, for further teaching me the art of tong-its, for making me love photography more, and for teaching me the value of friendship and strongly holding on to our own beliefs - and respecting each one for it. For all those pranks we’ve tried to pull off and for being my laughing and puyatan partner. Long live the girls of Polca 6.



CAMILLE. My dorm mate since 1st year who will be leaving this year. I couldn’t imagine that day coming yet, because I’ve always pictured you being there when I get home, and then you bombard me (in a good way) with all those stories you couldn’t wait to tell. For knowing how to really calm me down, and for showing me what being strong really means.



ERIC. For being such a sweet person, for saying that I was a blessing in his life, too. Eric is officially a part of MY club, and we both know what it’s name is. He’s really very mysterious, which would actually always make you wonder what’s going on in his head. He’s a very deep person, but he’s direct - and that’s what I like about him. Thank you for all the inspirational things you’ve said Eric. For all those things that you’ve been showing to the whole world, and not showing. You know what I mean. You’re proof that time heals all wounds.



HONEY. A living proof that I wasn’t the only one who had lost love and had gone through such a tragic experience. We might not have spent an hour together or told each other that much secrets but she is one of those people who truly values me as her friend and I feel the same way towards her. Thank you for making me strongER. And for making me realize that I DO have the rights to stand up especially when those damn byotches try to bring me down.



ZEE. For all those afternoons spent at either HUBCAFE or HUBSITE, for all the times he’s treated me, and those times when he acted like my big brother, for showing that he cared for me as his friend, and for showing his concern. I miss this guy so much. Thanks for all the encouragement.



LEN. For still being there, although we both know that things just aren’t as they were. Even so, I still miss her. I miss the way we were. The simple us. When we spend the day with each other doing little things that we believed made us happy - like, i.e., dining out. And nothing can change the fact that once we were the best of friends, she is a big part of my college life, and that we were…inseparable. I still love her.



EYA. For her patience with me, and with everything. For being a friend who is always willing to fight for you, who is willing to go against all odds just to prove the people against you wrong. A person who strongly fights for what she believes in. Those are just one of the traits I love about her. She’s also very brave… She definitely is, my one of a kind friend.



TOM. Simply for being the person that he just is, and everyone who knows Tom loves that about him. He’s also one of the people who would automatically notice when something’s wrong and he just won’t hesitate asking you what’s the problem and how could he help and all that. And he’s just so fun to be around with. He simply cracks me up.



DITAS. Sure, she’s my high school math teacher, but she taught me so much inside and outside the classroom, and I will never forget all that. She was also considered my best friend, and someone I can STILL count on - all the way from Texas.



JAY. I miss him, all the good times we’ve shared. I believe this is one street-smart friend I have. A VERY VERY cool person.



ALDRICH. For all the good times we’ve shared together, and all those nights we hung out at the gate. For all the stories we’ve exchanged with each other. For teaching me so much.



JOYCE. For being a great friend, and for always checking up on me. For sharing her stories and her secrets with me.



BEN. For reminding me of how the tropa was, and for somehow reminding me of why I am where I am right now. For the never never ending support he’s never failed to give me, even if he is far away.



to all the people who will remain forever close in my heart - (in random order) :





TITA DINAH. Who’s also like my Third Mom. She looks after me as well, and is very (and I mean VERY) supportive of me and Andrew. She calls me up, asks how I’m doing, tells me to take good care of her son. She’s such a nice mom, and I believe my boyfriend is also very lucky to have her. And I’m very lucky to have known her and get close with her. We tell each other secrets, and we have pretty much a lot in common, too. I love her.



KAYE. Haha, this girl, on the other hand - we barely talk to each other, the only thing that binds us is texting and emails. But little by little I can tell we are getting to the point of really getting to know each other, and who knows? One day we’ll be super close - and I’ll be like her big sister or something. Though I really can’t wait ‘til that happens. :)



CHI-CHI. My favorite cousin, been together since birth, only that we’ve been separated during our teen years, but that didn’t keep us from being close, or being ilang with each other. We’re like sisters. We goof around a lot, and we haven’t had a fight yet which I am very thankful of (but we did have kid fights when we were young. What do you expect right?) We have a lot of differences but that’s what keeps us together. And I love her so much. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my cousin. She’s DA BOMB! Haha.



LOUIE. My cousin who’s also a brat. Haha. One of the things I love about this kid is his being sweet and maasikaso to me. Always make sure that I have something to eat when I get up in the morning, races to my room to inform me that there’s good food on the table, asks me if I want anything to drink, and has his own little way of showing his love. He’s very smart when it comes to GAMES. Ask him what’s the latest and he’ll sound just like a GAME MEISTER. Which I believe he is.



MARO. This girl, who is often times my partner (aside from CHI of course) when it comes to teasing Louie. I tease her a lot, too. But we get along fine. She’s also very smart…and sweet. It comes up when you least expect it though. She’ll hug you when you’re buying groceries, and laugh with you even if it’s her you’re making fun of…



TITO FRANCIS. The Family’s goofball. Really, that’s just him. I love it whenever he’s in a good mood, and he’s driving in the car, we always laugh. He is such a clown. And I mean that in a nice way. He would brighten up your day with his jokes and his stories. Which he never seems to run out of. He’s also my second father. Would ask you if there’s anything you need, how you’re doing and all that. A very reliable father. I admire him for everything that he is - in spite of the obstacles that he has faced in life, he never gave up.



TITA LYN. For not forgetting to bring me pasalubong whenever she came home, for once giving me a hug and kissing me on the forehead when I got up, for attending to my needs whenever she’s around, and for never failing to make me feel part of the family. I will never forget that.



MAMA FELLY. For all the blabbering she’ been doing, for never failing to remind us to hold on tight to our bags. Haha. For being with me at the church at Christmastime, and I will always remember that conversation we had. For always making sure we have something to eat, and that all our needs are provided. She may blab around A LOT, but that’s how she is. And I still love her in spite of that.



PAPA LOY. Even if he’s not here anymore, I will always - always keep him in my heart. And I will forever cherish all the good times we spent together when he was alive, when he spoiled Chi and I by giving us almost everything we wanted. For “baptizing” me as MALDITA. I will always be my Lolo’s little spoiled brat.



KUYA RICHIE. Who’s turned uber-fat since he got to the states, and never fails to send us a box full of clothes, magazines and food. And whenever we talk on the phone, kulang ang 1000 na load samin, we literally talk about ANYTHING. Miss him, can’t wait to see him.



ATE JOY. My favorite person. Always felt sooooo close to her. We still keep in touch even if she’s a thousand miles away, we’re like sisters. She’d always attend to our needs first before ours.



the people who brought me into this world (also the ones who can take me away from it if I screwed up, haha) :



MY DAD. Who has every intention of spoiling me ( Mom always goes in the way ) especially when it comes to the latest gadgets. My Dad once told my Mom, “Is there anything I couldn’t / didn’t give to my daughter?” It made me break down. My Dad may not be the cheesiest Dad, he doesn’t put his emotions OUT THERE, but he always makes sure that I feel his love. He may have been strict, but I guess parents do that for a reason. I love you, Pop. And I miss you.



MY MOM. Who is - and will forever be MY HERO. My Mom has (with no doubt) made me her little spoiled brat. Well I surely don’t always get what I want - when I want to. I have to wait a little. Haha. My mom who pushes me to dream higher, and assures me that with determination and lots of hard work, I will, one day be where I want to be. Sometimes I think she’s too good for me. I didn’t deserve a Mom as good as she is. I just love her so much that I want to hug her right this minute. She’s my best friend. My worst enemy. My original partner-in-crime. I’ve said that before. But I realized, My Mom and I? We’re soulmates. I think in our past lives, we were still a mother and daughter. I am truly lucky to have her to look up to. My Mom is the best. My mom is my safety net. My mom is my hero.



the people who have inspired me this year :



CARRIE BRADSHAW. Her personality, her character - everything. Sarah Jessica did a great job in playing her role as Carrie. I love Carrie. I love everything about her. Enough said.



CINDY CHUPACK. For the wonderful scripts she’s written for SATC.



DENISE. She writes so damn good, and it makes me push myself further to where I would get to write as damn good as she does, but then I realized, you don’t learn things like that - it just comes out. She is so blessed to have that skill, and she has inspired me in so many ways.



TIM YAP / TESSIE PRIETO - VALDEZ. To put what you have out there. Fashion IS a statement. There are no rules.



PARIS HILTON. For surviving the scandal she got herself into. I admire that she had the guts to go ‘out there’, I admire the way she handled things. In a way she proved that things can still get better. She made a mistake, and gotten over it.



SIR RICHARD RIVERA. For telling me not to be afraid of speaking out, of putting my thoughts out there, to be who and what I want to be. For appreciating everything we say, for putting us where we deserve to be.



SIR ELVIN VALERIO. For trying his best to open our eyes, to realize reality through experimental films and documentaries. There’s something about him that inspires me to do better.





the person who will ALWAYS have my heart.



ANDREW. This was the year we got together. And though I may not have expected it to happen, I may have not expected us to happen, but God worked through his little ways and here we are, together for nearly a year. He may not have been the perfect boyfriend - at first he didn’t know how to handle me, he wasn’t there when I needed him, and he was still into other girls even if we were together. He wasn’t totally serious with me at first. He still had other things in his mind, and the way I saw it he would always think of me last. He was so insensitive of my needs, and he wasn’t willing to take any risks that are partly serious for me. All that mattered to him was things that would do him good, and not me. Not us. But then things started changing, it was like going through a really fucked up road and then ending up pretty much nicely. That’s how it should be, right? Starts pretty bad and ends up pretty good. Eventually Andrew has taken the risks, gave importance to my needs, has been serious, has made me feel special, I’ve become one of his priorities, still looks at other girls but at the end of the day I’m the only one he thinks of, he takes my hand out of nowhere and kisses it, he sings to me in public, and includes me in “the future”. We both have changed for the better - and no matter how hard it was for us to give up some of our attitudes we learned how to deal with it. We accept each other for who we are and realized that fighting is stupid. I said this before. I might not have been the perfect girlfriend, and he may not the perfect boyfriend, but we both have tried our very best to be all that we can be for each other. And here we are, still fighting. And with God’s help, we will continue fighting. All his imperfections, all the flaws and the wrong things, even that - still made me love him even more. Although I might admit, I still think that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him (or I might not just see it), I still and will love him no matter what. He never gave up on me and even if he wanted to at the worst times of our lives he still ended up not to, and that goes the same for me. I love Andrew. Andrew loves me. Isn’t that enough? … It sure is. This was our year ... It has to be our year.



the ONE I owe all these, and my life to.



GOD. He put me here on earth for a reason, for a specific purpose. I think I might have an idea of why he did. I’m to find out if that really is the reason why I’m here. I’m so blessed to have this life. I may not be the prettiest, the smartest, the richest, the sexiest, the most popular, the most adored, the most looked up to, the most inspirational, the most religious person… But I know, no matter what, God will always love me for who I am, and will accept me as his daughter, as his child. Although I know I have disappointed God in some ways. But I also know that if there is anyone who knows me better aside from myself, it has to be God. So I know - and I feel that he understands me. I have a different relationship with HIM. I may not go to church every Sunday, but I make it a point to visit him whenever I had the time to pass by church, whenever I felt down or whenever I felt so happy about something. I go there, sit down and just talk to him like he’s there right beside me. Thank God for all the blessings and the trials this year. Thank you, God. I love you so much.





SO LONG, 2004. I WON’T FORGET.



P.S.- My supposedly December 29, SATC entry:



AND HIS NAME WAS JOHN.



It wasn’t a happy ending. Things like these don’t have endings.



Just watched the last 2 episodes of SATC. I’ve never watched a series that made me pull off tissues consecutively and made me wipe my eyes like it was a leaking faucet.



As the curtain closed, I noticed that there was a rather large amount of used tissues on the side of my bed.



I couldn’t believe it. It was over.



So long to those nights of impatiently waiting for the show to start and how my heart skips a beat when I hear the opening song.



But then God blessed us with DVDs. Something I am very thankful of.



There might not be any more anxious nights, but there will always be my very rerun of the episodes I missed, and the episodes I did not dare to miss.



But then just like 2004 - SATC had to end. It did leave off though, a very inspirational ending.



I’m leaving it just like that. And as most girls would love to buy a shirt that says “I’m Carrie”, I’d rather not. I know I AM Carrie. By heart.



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