ENOUGH!

Just stop it already, its too much.
Its way to painful to be in a situation like this.

I do.
I do know myself too well.
And what's stupid is I know what I'm going through and I know what's gonna happen.
But did it stop me?
Will it?

Am I ready?
Am I willing?
Am I capable?

Wake up, Abbie.
Wake up, you idiot.
Its totally not happening.

I know what I'm supposed to do.
But I choose not to.
Because its something new.
Because its something that happened before.
Because its something I've been looking for.

It doesn't have to be today.
Tomorrow, maybe.

But one thing surely has got to stop.
Question is... which?

You won't understand, because I intend it to be that way.
Its way too complicated to understand.
Its way too stupid to say.

But I did.
Because I want to.
Even if its not right.

That's just how it is.
But hopefully not how it ends.

For once in my life, I think I'm brave enough.
Because its here.
Because its in front of me.

And that - rarely happens.

But its not going to be that easy.
Who said it was?

IT NEVER WAS.
But it might be.
If God intended it to happen.
If God intends it to happen.

I'll end this with a prayer.
"Please lead me to the right path. Please guide me to the right direction."

You gotta be kidding me.

Jeez. This really can't be happening.
ENOUGH, I say.

ENOUGH.

...........

Olshmulsch. Don't mind me.
It's just something I have to get out of my system.
It will end eventually.
Soon I hope, before the pain kills me.
Before it gets to my system.

Hurry, make it stop.

Make it stop.
Make it stop now.

...........

Don't make an issue out of this.
They're just words.
Take them as they are.
This has no meaning to you.

And Yes, I'm okay.
You don't have to ask me that.

And it's not about me and Andrew too.
We're totally A-OKAY.
So scratch that one out too.

Its just something....
you don't know.

Even I don't know.

Yep. Its that screwed up.

0 comments: