Some questions, some answers, someday.

But before that...
I don't know if its that or its just the effect of one afternoon talk full of horror flicks.

The Amytiville Horror. The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Silent Hill. The Omen.

I get so paranoid sometimes its driving me nuts.

Then recently I've been thinking about all the questions on Religion.

The Da Vinci Code. The Jesus Papers. The Gospel of Juddhas.

All these unraised issues about God, and how Jesus lived his life on earth.

When I read the book, my faith wasn't shaken, but my belief on the teachings of the church. And its too much of a sensitive topic to tackle. It can offend many people, I might say.

I have never, once in my life questioned the existence of God.

People around me have somehow put the idea into my head, that there are many possibilities that John Lennon's idea of God merely being a creation of humans, that God is simply a measurement of our pain. I'm not saying that they're wrong, or what they believe is wrong. They have the rights to believe what they want to believe. But I will always have my faith.

Sometimes though, I think about it and tell myself that maybe I'm just scared that if I start questioning, I will punished, and that karma will easily find its way to me.
Then I thought that I couldn't just let that go. The idea of God watching me, the idea of God being...God.

The fact that we question, well it will always be there. We're humans. God made us that way.


To question God's existence (in my opinion), is a SIN.
Its the biggest sin you can commit.

My muslim friends would always tell me that you sin even when you "think" about committing a sin.
And to think that God does not exist?
Just saying that gives me goosebumps.

What I'm really curious about, is how Jesus existed on earth. How he lived his life. What he really looked like.

What's the first thing on Jesus' mind when he wakes up? What was his favorite food? Who was his favorite disciple? What was his favorite animal?

You all know that Andrew (my Andrew) was a seminarian. So I'd always ask Mr. Self-Righteous about things I'm most curious about when it comes to Religion.

"Beb, wala kayang tinatago yung simbahan? Lahat kaya ng nakasulat sa Bible accurate? Ganon kaya talaga yung mga nangyari?"

Did the church leave anything out? Why didn't they publish all the gospels of the other disciples, or whoever wrote about God in his time? Is it because they thought they would only include the ones that seem to be true, what they only want the people to know, or that the bible would've been too bulky? Are there other things written that contradicts their teaching?

And then I wonder...what the church teaches us every Sunday (or even everyday) at Church, is this really what God wants us to know, or is there more?
Will God be mad at me for asking these questions?

Eversince I got to Jeddah, I would find myself talking to God like he's my friend or something. It was hard to practice Christianity in a Muslim country.
I would talk to him like I would talk to my Mum. Tell him stories, beg him for something like I was begging for candy. I would still do that today, every Sunday or everytime I feel like gravity is pulling me towards the Church.

"Hello, God. I feel like talking today. I need to tell you something.... and can I please...."

Yes, it goes that way.

Priests would preach the word of God, and say their Homily like they were still reading it from the Bible. If you really listen to them, you'd realize that some of them don't even make sense.

Sometimes its best to just pray or read the Bible. Sometimes you can feel God's presence when you're alone.

Wait, I'm contradicting myself.

So maybe we're not sure if the Bible states exactly everything that happened when God was on earth. But the Bible still tells us about God.
There are TONS of books. Tons of documentaries. Researches on Religion.

You may not be the type who would go to Church every Sunday, or pray the Angelus at 6:00 P.M., or pray the Rosary with your family (I miss doing that).
I also wish people in Hollywood would stop producing films that doesn't show any trace of God or God's power, or the simple trurth that good people will always win over the bad people. And when films touch certain issues like angels and demons, but show that God didn't even "try" to help, or win.

In hard times like these,
I say question anything about that except God's existence.

We may not have answers today. But we will. If we believe in God. I'm so sure that HE is the ONLY one who can answer our questions. Whatever our questions are. That's one of the many rewards we get for believing. For accepting.

Imagine sitting on a cloud, with hundreds of angels, a few playing harps, and God seated near you, where you can ask him anything that pops into your head, without ever having to excuse yourself to go use the bathroom, or drink water because you're thirsty. Because you will never feel that when you're there.

Imagine just being surrounded by his greatness.

Question everything else. But believe in God.
I know I will no matter what. I think you should too.
Have faith. Not 'cause you have to. Or you're left with no other choice, because you know in your heart that its true. That its really there. That HE is really there.
Because we both know...that it is the only thing that will save us.

From all of this.


  1. Personally, I think God is too complex a concept to be bound within the framework of words. You're very insightful, though. Interesting blog. Keep it up.

  2. TECHNORATI - Hey, thanks. :-)Yeah you're right... but all the questioning really made me think. :-) I really appreciate your comment, thanks! :-)