How can we?


I've been watching a lot of news lately. Local, international. I'm kinda sick of itm really. There I am doing my make-up and Cynthia McFadden is reporting about the soldiers in Iraq. Then here I am drinking a can of Mirinda Citrus lounging on my super comfortable bed burping from all the food I ate, and Kara David's documentary on malnutrition is on TV.

How can I be laughing watching a Dave Chappelle video clip when mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters are grieving for the loss of a family member who just died in war? How can I be throwing my left-over food when there are children dying to have a piece of what I stuff in my mouth?

How can I be complaining about my life, complaining about the most shallow things when there are parents staring blankly into space thinking of how they're going to feed their children? How can I be complaining about how hard my job is when there are soldiers dying fighting for their country?

How can I just be sitting here? For the longest time I've wanted to help change the world. And I've always wanted to start with animals. What's stopping me? Fear.

Who am I anyway? What would make people listen to me? Would my opinion on the world matter to them? Would my suggestions make sense? Would my efforts change anything? Will it save a child dying of starvation? Will it make one's father come home without a scratch on his body? Will it help save the Polar Bears from losing their home?

How can we take advantage of life this way? When there is so much going on the world. Things that really matter. Nothing is supposed to matter more than this life. This earth. Why can't we understand that? Why do we have for things to get worse before we do something about it? Will we ever do something about it?

When will our leaders ever pay attention to things that really matter? And when will we ever learn to participate, help and be active with more meaningful things? And when will we ever think about our fellowmen? Our country? This world that we live in?

So its not our problem. But that could've been us. That could've been our fathers fighting in Iraq. That could've been us with nothing left of our bodies but skin and bones. That could've been us, losing our home to global warming.

Right now its not about just being thankful for what we have. Its about sharing what we have with other people. Its about making this world better for our children. For our children's children. So much people are suffering from far worse things than we can imagine. Is it ever going to stop? What can we do to make it stop?

Let's all pray for those who are in need... of life. I'm including them in my prayers tonight starting today. And that could be a good start for wanting change.

Maybe one day, in my own little way I can help one soul. Its not the entire population of Africa, or Bicol. But one soul. That will be a good start.


Hey, you.

Update coming up. I swear!
But don't hold your breath just yet.

To everyone who's left a comment and visited this blog -



Sorry, sorry for making your life...

Hmm. Not exactly quoting Rooney here. Hahaha!

Guys, it might take awhile before I go online again and reply to your comments. I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS, really appreciate it. Thanks for the birthday greetings, too.

Will reply to them as soon as the DSL at home is installed.
I'm at an internet cafe right now.
The mouse sucks.

Anyways, I really do miss hearing from you.

Sending my love to everyone still reading this blog!


Blinded blinding.

Before I thought it was as simple as planning everything from the gown to the petals to be thrown out by the cute little flower girls. Jeez I never thought it would be a lot more complicated than this!

Its like... Where do we spend more moolah on? The Ceremony or the Honeymoon? Its one of the things Andrew and I have been talking about recently.

We were never the type who would, whenever we go out on dates be one of the couples where the guy would pay for everything. And I like it better that way. Occassionally he pays, I pay (like when we go shopping for each other. Haha!)...

So does that mean he pays for his own suit? I pay for my own gown? Not a bad idea. I'd love Ivarluski Aseron to do my gown. And have Pat Dy take photos of the ceremony and reception,too. Maybe I'll take care of that. So. Where do we get married? Chucky told me the church up in Caliraya looks great. I'd love to marry in an old church. How about the reception? Fernwood Gardens? Too cliché? Hmm. Then maybe we can have our (my?) dream honeymoon in Maldives. We pay for own expenses too! Hahaha!

Oh and the guests! I have so many friends and I don't wanna leave anyone out. But I'm no Ayala to spend about a million pesos for my wedding. I'd go Avril over Katie on this. Close friends and family.

Or do we, while abroad, get hitched the civil way? Vegas? Too tacky!

Ugh. Help a girl out.

I'm confused. Do I get a car or do I get hitched first?

Do I stay long abroad? Andrew wants to raise our children in the Philippines. Best that they know their roots. So do we come home for good and find a job there? Does that mean we don't get married while we're abroad? Or do we go home to get hitched then go back abroad? But what about raising the children? Do we go for family planning and just keep earning and earning and earning enough before we bear children? Or do we bear children here (or wherever we would be by then) and bring them home when they're old enough to go to school?

See? This is serious.
Its kinda driving me nuts, actually.

Am I really there now? God I must be old!
Yesterday, wasn't I just dreaming about being best friends with Kate Moss?

When do we start talking about this? Is now too early? When is the right time then, and how do we finalize everything?

I'm 21. I have 4 more years to remain "single". I don't want to have kids when I'm 30. Its gonna be hard to keep up with them. But 4 years? Does that give me enough time to earn for all this? How about my dreams of going to Europe? Versailles, hello? I can't leave this earth without me ever sniffing dust from Marie Antoinette's bed!

Wait, really? 4 years? Maybe 5? Okay 5. That's final. 5. OMG! Seriously; 5 more years? Haha! Great! I partly feel "OMG-I'm-so-excited-I-can't-wait" and "OMG-5-years-OMG!"

Andrew just told me we should have fun and all and think about it later. But I can't do that, not without a plan. This isn't high school or college freshman days when you can just go with the flow. This is life. Life in its most serious state! This is my future! Our future. The rest of my life. His life. Our lives.


Oh my.
Oh God, help us.


Say what now?

Did you ever have one day in your life where you know you've said everything you had to say, no regrets whatsoever?

I wish I had.

Lately, I've had a lot of moments where I talk to myself, pretending to be sitting beside the person I had just talked to, saying things I SHOULD'VE said instead of what I had told them. Most of the time I come up with saying better things when I'm alone than when I'm around them, when I need to tell them how I really feel and what I really think the right way. Its kinda tough, most of the time I end up wishing I could turn back time to make things different.

Yeah, don't we all?

Dammit. My brain always fails me when I need it the most.