A little more personal.

Parts of some of my journal entries. Just thought I’d share them with you. It helps me become more optimistic, because it makes me think of all the happy and hard times Andrew and I have gone through to get to where we are now, which is still together.

May 09 2006 4:40 P.M.

“….Sometimes what I really don’t understand is that Andrew and I can be so alike, and so different, and yet we stick to each other. I know I don’t want him out of my life, but does he feel the same way?”

11: 28 P.M. of the same day

“I totally had fun with my babe today. I just hate that I get so moody sometimes. I’m happy that he knows how to apologize now, and admits his mistakes, and that he’s still there for me even if I’m acting that way. Aw. I love you so much Bub.”

May 19 2006 1:06 A.M.

“….I really do feel bad about ever having to leave school…I know that I will really miss Andrew so much. I love that boy so much, I really do. My Babe. I wanna marry him. I’m so thankful God gave him to me.”

June 19 2006 10:21 P.M.

“….I’m just happy that even after all these girls running after him he chose me. And he still wants me….He always assures me anyway. And I believe him. Its just so bad that lately it looks like I don’t trust him, when its those damn girls I don’t trust. Its like they always push me to do something extreme just so they’d stop….I can’t wait ‘til I (really do) have him to come home to.”

June 22 2006 12:32 A.M.

“….I really pray we’d be married and that God will help us go through life together. Because like I said, I hate having fights with him but its only him I’d like to have fights with ‘coz…I love him. And nothing beats the making-up part of it.”

July 02 2006 11:38 P.M.

“….God, do I love that boy. Always shows me how much he loves me. Today I was by his window watching the making of Superman Returns and the sequel is already planned to hit the screens on 2009 – three years from now. I was actually scared because deep down I was wishing Andrew and I see it together. I will always remember this day – the day I seriously thought (and got scared) of the future….the wait is always worth it. God, thank you because you gave Andrew to me, thank you for helping me go through all the trials with Andrew and in life. Please continue to bless me, God. I love you, and I love Andrew too. I love him with all my life.”

July 16 2006 1:09 A.M.

“Andrew, I cannot wait to marry you. I really do think…I believe. You’re the one for me. Its you I want to spend my life with. Its you I want to come home to…It will always be you, Andrew. I love you so much. God knows how much.”

September 15 2006 2:14 A.M.

“…Andrew and I are a lot closer now. I feel like we’re in a new phase in our relationship. There are times when I get really sick of what’s been happening with us. And how he acts and all but I never get sick of Andrew. I might have said that but I don’t mean it. I was just totally infuriated…You’re freakin’ it, Andrew.”

September 23 2006 12:18 A.M.

“…I know change is the only constant thing in this world. But I’m praying that our love won’t. Andrew is the love of my life. He is mine and I am his. In so many ways. I’m glad we found each other. I regret ever taking all the time we have for each other for granted. I’m really going to miss him so much. God, please make us both strong, that we go through every trial you have for us together. I pray that you’d still be in the middle of our relationship God, keeping us together. Like you always have. Because we both know how much I love him. I love you, God. And thank you. For always giving me the best. Even when sometimes, I am not worthy….. You’re the one for me Andrew, I just know it. I love you.”

December 2 2007 10:30 P.M.

“…I have to trust him or else this relationship won’t work. *bleep* more months before we see each other. I pray God will continue to keep us strong….This trial made me realize that its Andrew that I want. Its Andrew that I truly love. I want Andrew. I’m gonna marry Andrew. Andrew is my everything…. He is the love of my life. He may not be perfect but he stuck by me. Now that we’re in a long distance relationship, he still stuck by me, by my side. Honest and Faithful. I have to keep trusting him…God really made me realize that I belong to Andrew. Because when I thought I was losing him to someone else, I felt like dying…It felt like I was gonna die any minute. I will marry Andrew. I will bear his children. I will take care of him and I will make him happy…the happiest man for the rest of his life… I am blessed because I have him and he is faithful, and he loves me. God please make us stronger. This is tough.”

Relationships are never easy. Trust and Love has to be on the same level. It won’t really work out if the other one is on top. This has been one of the toughest points of our relationship. He has a new life now. New friends. New classmates. Its hard to accept the fact that I don’t know much about his life anymore like I used to. I’m still finding it difficult accepting that fact. In the past three years and 5 months of our relationship we were practically like husband and wife. We did everything together.

“….Please don’t worry. I love you and I will marry you. Just trust me….I love you.”

I will hold on to that. I will hold on to that with my life.
I’d die if I lost you Andrew.