Would you want more cheese in that?

March 8 2004
I remember feeling so excited about how the future would turn out to be that I forgot how to live day by day. Enjoy what I have as of the moment. The last time I was in the relationship, I thought way ahead. I wanted a pretty big house. Just enough for all 5 of us. I wanted 3 kids, girl first. I wanted to settle down abroad, I always imagined my firstborn daughter sitting at my hubby’s lap while he reads her stories by late afternoon at the couch outside the porch. On how the sunset would reflect on their faces. On how my daughter would end up sleeping on her dad’s shoulders. Just the thought of it makes me cry. That’s gonna be another chapter of my life. But then all those dreams faded. I thought I had found that one person I could spend the rest of my life with. But I just thought way ahead. And I fell for all those plans. They were marked in my stupid head that things were SUPPOSED to end up the way I had pictured it. With the person I had pictured it.

But things change. They can get better. Lucky for me, I believe it did.

It came through Andrew.

There are times when I would find myself going there – to that dream. But I stop myself. I have learned the art of living each day to the fullest. Sure we do talk about children but we don’t really take it that seriously. C’mon, we have a lot of time for that. :D I’m just leaving it all up to God.

For now, there’s just so much to love about Andrew. The innocence, the sweetness, the doodles he writes at the back pages of his notebook, the *blinks* he does, his smile, his arms, the way he gets jealous and still deny it, the way he’s give me kisses on my cheeks for more than 5 times (hehehe…), the way he hugs me SOOO tight, and the way he pinches my nose, and would you believe? The green jokes. I have eventually learned how to “ride on”. And we’d laugh of course. There’s also so much to know. I do think it’s not easy for Andrew to open up about his feelings sometimes. When I got to read the stuff at his notebook I was shocked… in a good way. I never knew that’s how deep his thoughts and feelings were. About me. He’s like this male version of me and it irritates me sometimes, cause I see myself in him, and I go : “ OH MY GAWD! …that’s how irritating I am! “… Funny I found my very own “katapat”… :D

May 07 2004
I was on a ride home and I was thinking about Andrew the whole time. And then I thought of the things we do when we're together. When we just sit, talk and cuddle...I'd tell him about my childhood, and he'd tell me stories,too... and then we'd just laugh about the stuff we tell each other... and then in between our conversations we'd just stare at each other and I'd smile at him...then his hand would rub on my back...then the times he'd hug me and he'd feel my tummy...the times when he'd lean on my shoulder then gimme this really tight hug...then I'd feel him breathing on my neck...and then we'd just sit there...talking about how we feel...

He changed a lot. And it just feels good that he's learned how to be more open when it comes to how he feels for me. I just love it whenever he tells me how he feels.

And then it hit me, on that way home. While I was in the van with PINK BUNNY in my arms. How I just love telling him stories, and how I love the way he always listens to me even when he's really tired and sleepy... I could do that. I could wake him up when it's sunrise...while we're just lying there...and then I'd just tell him my thoughts...and then he'd still listen... and then I thought of how happy I really am with him...and then all those... just started to make me cry.

For the first time in my life...I cried with tears of joy over a guy.

Hey, don't find it weird. It's just how it really is. I'm not just in love.


July 03 2004
My Mum brought us at Ed's place last Friday night ta sleep over, (me and Drew..) They were all like "Asteeg! Your mom let you sleep over wit Drew?" hehe. Well, that's how close me and my Mum are. And that's how much she trusts both of us. I feel so lucky. My mum just doesn't know how much. But I am. I feel so fortunate.And I may not be Bill Gate's daughter, I feel like one of the richest kids...filled wit God's blessings. *sigh*.

Grabe. feels so good to wake up next ta him again. Thing is, when I woke up he was already awake, and he had his big arms around me..I even caught him staring at me. Haha. :D As much as I hate him looking at me, I just LOOVE it whenever he does. What irony. :D There was this time when I was falling asleep, and I just peeked and he was staring! He's like... "Ang cute!!!" hehe. Aww. *kilig*...one thing I love is whenever we'd do that nose to nose thing and he'd end up kissing it. Gawd, that guy just loves pinching my nose. I don't see anything so different about it. Mmm...

September 25 2004

3 days ago was MR.CET. Hehe. It was a big day for my Baby. It was a big day for me,too. I had to be his P.A. in which I volunteered to be. No one else had to be. :D It was one heck of a day that I wouldn't forget. One of the "moments" is when he was in his formal attire and he was looking at me,I gave him a flying kiss and he kissed me back! haha. Minus the hands, of course. :D My Baby won Best in Formal Attire and Model's Pick. :) After the pageant I ran ta him backstage and gave him a big hug. :D And of course, it feels good ta actually be there backstage ta dress him up, fix his hair, and we even manage ta give each other a kiss before he goes onstage! :D :D :D It feels good ta pick up after him. hehe. After the pageant, we both decided not ta go back to the dorm since it was 9P.M., we ate dinner at Arroz...his hands were on my waist, and he just kept pulling me closer ta him,and he kept thanking me. That night, he was nothing but extra sweet ta me. He forced ta sit beside me at Arroz even if we both couldn't fit on my side of the table, and he just kept giving me a peck on the cheek. Then he'd just keep saying " alam mo, mahal kita!" over and over...*kilig*... :) And then we crashed at Ed's, before we hit the sack we sat on the parking space and we stargazed. We were looking for our very own constellation. I found one that was sorta like a diamond when you connect them, and when I pointed it out to him I said, "do you know that 'diamonds last forever?' " Then he said, "Talaga? Sige, yan na lang ung constellation natin! :) " ... Aww... Because just like us, we both would want our love ta be like a diamond. Something that lasts forever.

Oh man, and its not even close to Valentines Day.
Oh shoot me, I am totally head-over-heels-over-mountaintops-and-popsicles in love.
And that didn't even make sense.
But I am.