I stopped believing in Fairy Tales.

(Disclaimer : If letting out my true emotions is the only way for stopping myself from crying almost every night, then I’m gonna do it. There is no use holding them back. And today, I am angry. So I’m posting an angry blog entry. Duh. Trust me, tomorrow I will regret saying this, as this is just a result of pent up residual anger. Lol. But I'm saying it anyway. )

Screw Walt Disney.
Screw Cinderella.
Screw Sleeping Beauty.
Screw Snow White.

Screw everything that makes us believe that there is such a thing as Prince Charming. Or true love’s kiss. Screw the white knights who would draw their swords for the women they love. As there is no such thing. No such being. No such man.

Screw love.

Snow White, wake up. You have to do this on your own. Arise from the glass coffin.
He’s never coming. You are alone. There are no seven dwarves. There is no true love.
There is no true love’s kiss. Wake up before its too late. Before you age without seeing life.
Without feeling life’s cold hard hand.

Screw Fairytales. Screw them for giving little girls hope that it will happen.
No man will ever do everything and anything for the woman they love.
They have never existed. Only in books. Only in movies. Only in songs.

I will never have my child watch these cartoons. A soon as she knows how to speak, I will give her the reality of life. The cold hard truth, that not all fairytales have happy endings. Prince Charming will exist only in dreams, never in real life. And if she meets one, it is too good to be true. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, waiting to pounce on her at her weakest. Waiting to take advantage of her. Waiting to kill her.

Screw Fairytales.
Screw them for making me believe in the beauty of love and the happiness it brings.
When, truth is Love is loaded with guns and knives. Fangs and Claws.
Love is not a fairytale.

Screw Sweet November, The Notebook and A Walk To Remember.
Screw the leading men and their roles. Screw the script and the plot.
Screw the cheesy lovemaking scenes. Screw the Hollywood kiss.
If these things happen in real life, they are only to last as long as a full-length movie.

But not forever.

Screw Shakespeare and “Romeo and Juliet”., who died for each other.
Screw the love language. Screw the thees and thys.

Screw marriage. Screw the belief that one woman will satisfy a man for eternity.
Screw fidelity. Screw loyalty. Screw faithfulness. Screw contentment.

Love is a nightmare.
Love is pain.

Love is non-existent.

I blame my mother who taught me how to love unconditionally.
I blame her for teaching me to never hurt others.
I blame her for correcting my mistakes.
I blame her for telling me the difference between right and wrong.

I blame my mother for being so smart, for knowing when its time to stand by my side or not.
I blame her for teaching me to always put others before myself.
I blame her for making me believe I can find someone like my father.

I blame my mother who taught me to be honest.
I blame my mother who taught me of love.

I wish I grew up not caring about other people’s feelings.
I wish I grew up having the conscience to hurt other people.
I wish I grew up not knowing what’s wrong from right.
I wish I grew up with a mother who stood by me even if I was wrong.
I wish I grew up with so much pride.
I wish I grew up a stone.
I wish I grew up heartless.
I wish I grew up without love.

As I would be better off not knowing it.

Heroes. Fuck that.
I am my own Hero. I will brave the wilderness by myself.
Broken. Scarred. Dying.
As I believe I am destined to never find it.

Find white knights. Find true love’s kiss.
Find love.

Because I found it once.
I found the only thing I was ever sure of in my life.
I found the only thing I wanted more than anything.
And it killed me.

Now, who wants to die more than once?


Let's do the hokey pokey!

The Rules:
I. Each blogger starts with ten (20 for me, I was tagged twice, heehee) random random facts/habits about themselves.
II. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their then things and post these rules.
III. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
IV. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

(Tagged by my Cakey and Dindy)


Les'get it on, yo. Shorty had them applebottom jeans (jeans), boots with the fur (with the fur), got the whole club lookin' at her (hey), she hit the flo', (she hit the flo'!) next thing you know.... Sorry LSS ko kase eh, its my alarm tone para energetic tayo sa umaga. Haha! ANYWAY.

HUWAN. My nose always gets really itchy in the morning. For some reason. Haha. Seriously. It reaches a point where I just try to stop myself from scratching it cos people might think I'm doing something else. But I always end up wishing I could cut it off, cos its so irritating!

DOO. I like the smell of new post-its. I always shuffle them in front of my nose and just sniff it until I’m immune to the scent. I’m such a proud weirdo.

DREE. Most of the time, I don’t conform – and I don’t do it on purpose. For some reason I like things ten years after (okay I’m exaggerating, but you get my point. ) it became a hit, or what most people would find weird. Let me cite some examples : I loved The OC two years after everyone went crazy over it. I like the way scene people live their lives (more like their beliefs) more than how they wear their hair. Listening to bands whose music most people have never heard before. I don’t do it for the sake of being different, to be honest. Its just how I roll, going the other way most of the time.

BOR. I like making up new words that people end up thinking I’m stupid or something. Haha. Most of the time I like putting the word “age” after every word, like lollage, skypage, coolage. Then there are words that I “revamped” : Superfisticality, Berserked, Randomosity. Words that don’t make sense to most. Hahahaha.

BAYB. I don’t just watch movies for entertainment. The reason why I love art and experimental films is not because its in the scene now. Its because they make you think. I grew up with my parents owning a video store, and back then, I’ve seen films kids my age have not or have no interest in seeing. This has eventually outgrown to my belief that movies just shouldn’t be there to entertain or inform people. Most of you know this, too – movies and films are also there to make you think. Its amazing how the shortest films you’d ever see can actually be life-changing, make you believe in something new, stuff like that.

SEECKS. I look for more baggage to add up to my already complex life. I think I find a thrill in living a complicated life, for some reason. My brain is always in traffic. I hate it, but I believe that subconsciously, I crave for it. And I end up attracting it.

ZEBAUN. I yearn for finally becoming a woman. But I get so scared shitless actually making my first step to becoming one (see?? see how complicated I am?! Dang nabbit!)

EYT. Most of my closest friends are boys. I love my girlfriends to death but my boy friends have always been so understanding. Its like they can read me more than some of my girlfriends. I also love the fact that they're not pretentious.
NOIN. Cliché as this will sound, but I really love to learn how to speak French among other languages. I own a French dictionary, and I have this "How to speak French" CD but I totally plan on getting this french tutorial thing that comes in a package, like how Flor did it in Spanglish. But not like an entire box of it. Hahaha.

DEHN. I dream big, but I have no idea how to accomplish them. I need some good ass-kicking from the pro -- Lance Pro. Hahahaha! Lately I believe that I can accomplish big things, I just don't know which foot I should put forward first, where to start. Sometimes, how we begin is the hardest part.

HELEBEN. I am very sensitive when it comes to music, in terms of how it can affect my mood. Sometimes, no matter how happy I am, hearing a particular song I hate can already ruin the moment. Haha. And I know I am not alone in this one.

I have several things I am dead sure I will accomplish before I die : Surf, Learn how to dance, Appear in a play or MTV...the others I can't tell as it will make people think I have hydrocephalus or something. Hahaha.

DERTIN. I feel sexiest with a tan, long wavy hair and super long, fcuked by a mascara wand eyelashes. Love it. I will get that look when I get back home. Weh.

BORTIN. I have a difficulty standing by my words, especially when they're like really big things I've decided on. Trust that I will change my mind an hour later (sometimes less). That's why I can't make decisions unless I am dead sure of its outcome. Its a bad habit, really. I always tell myself its best to take risks (ah. easier said than done).

BIPTIN. I grind my teeth when I sleep. It used wake someone up in the middle of the night. Hahaha.

I realized how much I love being in love -- even when I'm not in a relationship, I'm still in love!! Haha! For real! I'm a love addict, love addict!!!! Right now, I'm in the process of falling in love with myself. Hahaha.

ZEBAUNTIN. I have proven that I am your classic, ends with a cheesy kissing scene type of hopeless romantic. I find myself being the corniest person on earth to still live this way. But hey! Its good to know that I love truly.

I prefer watching a series that I like on DVD rather than being ahead of everyone else by watching it once a week. I'm not very good with cliffhangers. They suck. I like to get it over and done with once I start. Which also explains that time I first saw The OC on DVD. I started at 9PM and didn't stand up until I had to take a shower for my 8AM class. (It was the first time that I actually had the guts to do the mellow headbang in the front row during my terror professor's class!!!)

NAYNDEEN. Batman has been emotionally hurting Catwoman. Meow, meow.

DWENDEE. I like looking at guys' elbows to check if they're neat freaks. Then their nails and toes. Hahahaha.

I TAG WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS!!! Or do you want me to gather all y'all in a circle while I go around with my right hand covering my eyes and my left pointing out my finger?

May background music na, its what I'm listening to while typing this entry! Haha!


If chocolates can't help, what can?

I'm eating white lindt chocolates, and they don't seem to help!!!!


I WANT TO EAT ALL OF THEM TOGETHER!!!! We used to do that after a very tiring day. Believe me, its like we don't know each other and we just eat everything up. Like how Cookie monster angrily eats all of the cookies he can get his hands on. HAHAHAHAAH!!!

I'm so sad that I get so angry at food!!!! I miss doing that, and passing out in the bed right after!

#($#@()$&*#@&$^#$%@$ !!!!!!


Last night I came home from the Derma, so exhausted. I was sad too cause we didn't have time to get a pair of Wayfs from Ballad (its really cheap there, but hey, they're not rip-offs ha). I went straight to my room, put down my bags, took off my flats and plopped face down in my bed. It was 9 something P.M. and I was already dozing off. I woke up at 2 A.M. to Ma covering me with a blanket we use to cover up the computer chair. And then I decide to freshen up and at least change to boybriefs before I head back with Peter Pan.

Its been a while since that last happened. I miss the feeling of being so tired and not wanting anything else but sleep. But to be honest, its been awhile since I had a peaceful sleep. And I guess I am not to blame for that. Haha. The last time that actually happened, I was...............

See, it would've really helped if I had like a lot of food with me right now.
Food makes me feel really full.....when I am full physically, I can feel full emotionally.
And for a whole hour, I'd feel like I don't need anything else. But sleep.
For a whole hour, I have my peace.

So throw them to me in a big basket right now if you have pity on me. Haha.
But then again, its not funny.
Not the slightest bit.


But she wouldn't listen.

I'm thinking of writing more personal stuff in my other blog, like I planned on doing before. Maybe short stories, poems and the like. Some true, some tweaked, some fiction. My attempt to be slightly Shakespearian, too. Yea right. I wish.
Its gonna be my outlet and crap. I'll tell you when the site is ready.

I've been totally swamped with work these days, but I enjoy the hype. It makes me not think about time and sulk in my usual misery. Lucky for me, I have one cold superhero saving me once in awhile. In his weird ways. Haha. But don't get me wrong. I'm still totally single.

I've seen "UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN" just last night (ah yes, what a loser), and I totally loved the movie. I can totally relate. I think I am in my Marcello state right now. Haha. Lol.

I'm listening to Maroon 5's "Wont go home without you". I loved this song even before it became a hit. People who sing this song, people who can relate to this... Do you think they're actually people who dominate the relationship? Do you think they're the ones who are like, doing everything for their partners? I mean, could it be, that they give so much, and they still end up being on the street, calling out their lovers' names on their windows saying "Just give me one more chance to make this right", when all along, they were the ones who have been doing the right thing... Goodness. Hahaha.

Oh I am such a drama queen.

Oh and guess what, I've got a new project : to be the asian Adriana Lima sans the height! Haha! Lol, seriously. She is one hot woman. I am so getting her tan when I get home. Hair color is in the works. I'm going blonde! Well not totally blonde.

Right now I'm eating Lindt White Chocolates. Mmmm. Hahaha. And then Lay's Ketchup Flavored Chips.

Oh goodness there are so many things I want to do with my life, for real. Learn how surf (swim first. haha), be a flight attendant, appear in a cover of a magazine, learn how to dance, be a part of a play, appear in an indie film.... GOODNESS. Why is choosing between what makes you happy and your future so hard? Do I really need to start saving up for my future now? Or should I make the most out of my youth by doing things I could while I'm young and single?

#$(@#()$*@*#$^#@^$ (**&! !!!!

Oh, the randomness of this entry.
Eat mah gobbledygook! Hahaha!


Back with a Tack!

What did I just say?

God knows what I meant.

I'm at work right now so I can't say much.
Just wait for my upcoming post.
And as usual, don't hold your breath.

I missed you guys.