Sometimes, they come back.

Keyword being : Sometimes.

Remember this blog entry? I was so frustrated that I lost my fish’s tail. When I saw it hanging on Topshop’s accessories rack, it was love at first sight. Two months later, there was only one piece left. It cost me quite much but I didn’t care – the last piece was for me.

The day I lost it, I searched everywhere - and to no luck, I didn’t find it.
The day after, I even had the tea boy then at the office help me look around our office building for it – with help from the maintenance people (goodness I was such a diva).

I felt frustrated. As there were things I could’ve done to not have lost it. See, the fish’s tail that day was loose. My inner Abbie said it was best to keep the tail in the bag, but I listened to my horned ex-bff and decided to put the tail back, even if all I did to tighten its lock to the fish’s body was push them together using my hands.

I hate losing things that have so much sentimental value for me. And there it goes, the feeling of being restless.

A few days later I decided to get over myself. I was looking at the necklace and thought it still looks cute even if it was missing one of its vital parts.

A month passed.
As soon as I got home, Mama sat up on her bed and told me that she thought she might have seen the tail at the street right in front of our building. She said she was supposed to have a longer look at it, only car parked right on top it then. So we went down and started looking. We were kind of pessimistic about it since she saw people sweeping around it earlier, but then – there it was. All dusty and properly deformed, waiting for us to pick it up.

I held it tight in my hand as we got back up. For some reason I didn’t want to brush it off (as gross as that sounds). Mama and I thought we’d have it fixed as soon as we flew back home. But then we looked at each other and read each other’s minds. We decided not to do anything with it, and leave it as it is.

Looking at the tail’s imperfectly perfect deformations, it made the necklace look vintage. It looked as good as new despite one part looking old and worn-out.

I realized.
Even if we try to hold things together with our own hands, even if we don’t listen to that little voice inside of us just so we don’t lose them – if they are meant to let go, then they are meant to let go. Because sometimes, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how tattered they are, they will come back doing the unthinkable – making all things (look and feel) new. We do not have to dust them off. We must accept them as they are. For all we know, this one bent piece is all we need… to make us complete – yet again.

Conversely, sometimes, they don’t find their way back. And you have to stop wondering where they have gone, and just remember them as the one piece that used to make things complete, and that somehow, you are better off without them.
If they don’t come back, you’ll eventually get tired of the what-ifs.
And start looking at what’s still there – and not what’s missing.