The Bat Vs. The Super

Here’s what I think : Most guys like Superman cause he’s got all these cool powers (duh). I mean he is, in fact, Super-man. Every guy dreams to be like him, normally he’s a clumsy tard with glasses (not that its not hot) but in his “red underwear with a cape to match” costume, he can do anything. He can save everyone. He’s got a solution to all the dilemmas even before Nelly and Kelly could even sing the song (man, I’m sorry. I just had to say it…) and can fix up all these catastrophes. He can get away with anything. There is nothing he cannot do (okay except that time when Lois had to save him, you know, in Superman Returns?)

Now Batman, on the other hand. Batman, is, no less, a man. All he’s got is this suit, the freakin’ Batmobile and all these other gizmos that help him bail out of trouble, or kick ass. He doesn’t freakin’ have xray vision and he needs someone to light up the dark night (uy, the Dark Knight! Sorry I just had to say it…I hope its still on when I get back home!) with his freakin’ cheesy logo (do you suggest I watch Batman’s latest flicks now? I’m still stuck with his love affair with Nicole Kidman, you know when Jim Carrey played Riddler?) just to know that Gotham City freakin’ needs him.

Every girl would want Superman. He’s tough. He’s got a heart to love. And deep down, there is this sense of wanting to be saved. Probably from himself. He’s loved Lois unconditionally. He isn’t using his power to get to the ladies. You know, like what Zach said about him in The OC? He’s just making his way, making a connection to this world. He’s just trying to fit in. And that’s what’s so freakin’ charming about him. He’s like…he’s flawless when he’s actually not. He’s the perfect mix of super, and man, and a lot more good looking than Bruce Wayne. Plus, he lets you hug him after he rescues you. Aww!!!

Batman is cold. Definitely. Hello, the suit?! Isn’t that enough evidence? Honestly, Batman is a lot more “Man” than Superman. He’s freakin’ human and he gets to do all these supercoowacky things. He doesn’t need superpowers or an x-ray vision (unlike Superman, he gets “some” every once in a while, there’s no need to feed his fetish checking out chicks’ birthmarks on all the unseen areas). Sure sometimes, Superman beats him to the finish line in getting things done (you’d tell me if I knew so little about Justice League, right?) but he is more man than Superman can ever be. Don’t tell me those cold ways don’t turn you on. C’mon. He saves you and just shrugs you off. There is no warm smile showing off his pearly whites. He’s like, “I effing saved your ass. Kbye.”

I kept telling myself that I should choose Batman over Superman. Superman is just a sad excuse for a Superhero. And he’s overrated. But you know what?

NO. I don’t want Batman. I mean he’s great. Sure. But every single guy in this freakin’ planet IS Batman. And what’s funny is, deep down, some of them are actually struggling to BE Superman.

I figured that they’re missing out the most important point between these two guys who fancy wearing their underwear on top of all their clothes. Batman is your typical human. He uses his head. He comes up with the latest gadgets and crap. Superman, well… all that superhero shit, that’s just a front. All he wants is to be home. And feel like he belongs here. Superman uses his heart. Above everything else. Batman is Batman. Superman… is Clark Kent.
Or Kal El…or C3PO. Whatever his real name is.
Superman, is in fact…human. In the most purest sense. At least his heart is.

Wouldn’t you want someone who’s human first, and man second?
I would. I don’t want to have to deal with pride and all the masculine shit the rest of the world puts up with. Pride is so tiring. So pretentious. I wouldn’t want that anywhere near me.
It hurts my eyes. Like when men scratch their balls in public.


So yes. Human. Therefore looking at everything equally. Sensitive about other’s feelings.
Human. Just… Human.


Do you think its ever possible for one man to like, stop being such a man everyday for the rest of his life, you know, just on days when its totally called for…like, let’s say, as a professional. At work. And apart from that he’s just…human? Human all around? Because I’m beginning to give up on both of them. Batman, Superman. Even at Wolverine (now don’t get me started on this dude).

The Bat is everywhere. And there is no slightest trace of the Super. At least not where my eyes can see.

So F U Lois Lane for having written that article that made you won a Pulitzer prize!
You drove him away.
Because truth is, the world definitely needs him.
At least each and every brokenhearted lass this ball of mass holds.


P.S.
You think in the end I'll be going for Joker? Everyone's been talking about how great Heath did.

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