I burned my tongue.

Whaddya know, its July tomorrow. How amazing is that. In a few weeks I will be crying tears of joy and my heart will be pounding like there’s no tomorrow, and trust me its not out of excitement. Its out of frickin’ worry that my money won’t be enough for my “needs” ! Someone wire me a thousand bucks right this second! Lol. I was thinking about all the stuff I spent my money on and I’m like, “WTH, if I didn’t spend that much I’d have more than enough!” But did I think about it then? Nooooo. Gah I am such a loser. But hey, no regrets (sure, keep telling yourself that).

O, Best, if you’re reading this entry, I can already read your mind. Don’t say it. Lol.

Last night, Pinnys and I were chatting and she showed me a video she made that got me all laughing. See for yourself!

Their freakin’ accents. Last night I told her I was marrying a half-brit. Lol. So effing sexy!
That's her getting whipped in the first part, BTW. Looool!


Anyways, she’s told me how excited she is to make a video with me and I told her I felt the same way! The Adventures of GEE and NEE! With adventure number one being : “DANCING IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC”. Lol. We’re gonna be “exchanging characters”, like she’s gonna speak in Tagalog and I’m gonna do my infamous fake brit accent. Haha! Watch out for that. That’s gonna be lollage.

Guess what, I picked out my own Japanese name. Ate helped me figure out something that suits me. My Jap name is : 夏美,which can be read as NATSUMI, meaning “Beautiful Summer”. She said it was okay for me since I was born in June, and June is a summer. And I love Summer the most out of all the seasons (yeah like I’ve ever experienced winter, spring and fall. There’s only tag-init and tag-lamig where I come from! Lol!).


I’ve been doing sketches of room arrangements for the condo. That’s how excited I am. I’m not very good at it, but I try my best to just make the picture look the way I want it to look. Its gonna take a few years before I get the look IRL but I’m totally looking forward to it. I’ll be taking photos and measuring and all that as soon as I get in there, since we’ll be moving stuff in. I will totally be buying more Home and Decoration magazines, I fell in love with Vogue living. Those free Ikea catalogues are of big help too.


Oh and check this out, Ayah fixed my tarha for me. This is what I looked like while I was high-end window shopping!

Do I make a purdy abaya lady?


Heehee! I’m gonna start wearing my tarha like that now.
No actually, let me rephrase that.
I’m gonna start wearing my tarha now.


SERIOUSLY??? SERIOUSLY!!!!
-Izzie Stevens/Meredith Grey

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“I couldn’t believe it…”

“…ITS IN MY HANDS!!!”
Those were the words I said, hugging it like it was an adorable little baby.
I had asked the kind saleslady how much it would cost me.

“Eleven thousand Riyals.”
Ohhhhhhhkay. It’s already planned. I start saving up for it by December. I have to order the Classic one, I still like the gold chain better than the silver, and its gonna take 3 months before it arrives.

Regardless on when I'm gonna have it, I know I’m gonna have it. Late next year or early 2010. I’m gonna save like 500, or 1000 or 1500 every month yo, probably alternately.
This is it, you guys. This is it.


The Chanel 2.55 (Flap Bag)

Remember I said that I’d buy like one bag for every designer, no matter if they’re “so last season” as long as I get to have them. Like Fendi’s Spy Bag, YSL’s Muse, Balenciaga’s Motorcycle, Dior’s Saddle (if they still make those. Gah), LV’s Mahina (thank you Ann), Hermés’ Birkin… you know? These would probably change but I’m def sticking with Fendi, YSL and Balenciaga. Gah. I’d do Chanel first since it has the heftiest price tag, and its Chanel. I’ve always been a sucker for Chanel.

Anyways, its all because we went high-end window shopping the other day. There’s this strip in Tahlia street that has all of the designers under its roof. It made me realize that if I saved my salary for two months I could totally get my hands on these sexy Chunky heeled Dior shoes. And GOODNESS, those really gorgeous steps from Burberry, that would’ve totally went with the belt Lance gave me from Hot Topic.

Its been awhile since I had heart-stopping moments, doing my signature halt followed by a gasp, landing my hands on my chest or grabbing the arms of whoever I’m with. Hahaha. And don’t forget the classic (more like overrated) “OHHHHHMMMMYYGOOOOOODDDD!!!!”

Jeez. So anyway, out of frustration, yesterday I decided to spend yet again, but on Topshop parin. Lol. I got these gorgeous chandelier earrings, the ones I told you about. I couldn’t stop thinking about them, and I was browsing through TS’s website and found that they’re out of stock in the UK already. Lol. So yeah, I got them anyways. Don’t you love their accessories? I noticed that they have better ones sold in Jeddah than back home. I’ve been addicted to Freedom stuff. I also got this layered pearl and locket necklace.

Aren’t they gorgeous?

By the way, I posted several entries that I typed offline, published them on their respective dates. These are entries that have been saved in my USB, never had the time (and mood) to publish them and all (please see June 2, 9, 12 and 17 entries).

Oh and check it out:
Bandstand gone bad. Hahaha.
I think its one of the coolest trends, really. Plus Cruise is back. Whaddyaknow.


This is what happens when you try to be the trendiest person on earth. You try your best to outdo Tessa Valdes in “everyday” fashion, you only end up looking like a fashion victim. Haha. No one can outdo Tessa, I love her to death.



“You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, there’s no need to prove all the time that everything is going well, you shouldn’t be concerned about what other people are thinking, cry if you need to, it’s good to cry out all your tears. Because only then will you be able to smile again…”
Mitsuo Aida

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How old are you now, 12?

That cracked me up, then I said “No, Sir. 22!”
My boss rocks.
So. Let’s see. Number of times I truly laughed today: 3.

This has got to be one of the lowest birthdays I’ve had in years.
Thinking about it, I’ve never had low birthdays. Low Christmasses and New Years a plenty.
But birthdays? Rarely.


I almost had one on my 20th. I had just gone from a shoot and was suffering from dysmenorrhea. My shoes were killing me so I bought a pair of Havs and had a Passion Iced Tea and Banana Choclit Cake while I sat alone inside Glorietta 4’s Starbucks branch.


Luckily at that time someone was there to save me. As soon as I saw him, it eased everything away.
Then we had lunch at Bubba Gump’s and met up with Ann and Carlo after.
My birthdays have never been grand since I turned 8. But somehow today just feels…incomplete.
I know this is crass. But I just feel so…alone.


Dammit. Why am I even playing Jack Johnson’s “Cocoon” on repeat.
It makes me wish I was in a house overlooking the ocean, and I’m in my knickers, all snuggled up in a long white couch, with glass of wine in hand.
Jeez, man…Bad. Bad idea.

It was quite noisy at the office today. So I decided to hide in my bathroom.
I just stood there leaning at the door for a minute or two. Waiting for something to come over me. A brilliant thought. A realization or epiphany of some sort.
But I got nothing. Zero. My head is as empty as my he… Nevermind.

Happy Birthday to me.
Hope you had a good one, Abbie.

That was my original birthday entry that I was supposed to post yesterday. But then again God just knew the perfect time to cheer me up, which was at my time – the end of the day.

My bosses’ driver came rushing to my desk while they were both away, and handed me a long, thin box covered in a metallic silver giftwrapper. I asked him what it was and he jokingly replied saying “A bomb.” Before I could ask him whom it was from, he was too far to hear me and I already noticed a card – I took it out from its envelope, and it read:

“Wishing you a very happy birthday!”

It was signed by my bosses. I hurriedly opened the gift only to find one effing cool scarf from DKNY.

I loved it, but I was a lot more overwhelmed with the fact that they actually thought of giving me something.


Lance sent me a song from Metro Station titled “Shake it”, which I played on repeat na and it got me super hyped. From then my day just got better. I texted Ayah and told her we should get together at one of my bosses’ fine dining restaurants in Tahlia, where we could just lounge and smoke shisha or something. We set it to next week.


As soon as I got home I checked my accounts and saw that my friends have greeted me, saying the most heartwarming things, which was just what I needed.


I was chatting with Lance and Jay again, slowly coming back to how we were before I screwed them over. Thank God.


I decided to take out the scarf from its plastic, removed the tag, folded it into a headband and tied it around my head. I retouched a little, put on some hot pink Shisheido lipstick and I was off.

Ma, Pop and I headed to Jarir. I had to buy supplies for the office. And then I bought myself a new book (Brendon Burchard’s “Life’s Golden Ticket”, was supposed to get Coelho’s “Brida”, but they ran out of stock. Dammit), People Magazine’s July and Vogue Living’s S/S 2008 issue. Oh and how could I forget, that pinoy magazine Ma and I proudly call ”Istar Istodyo”. I’m a sucker for anything that mentions KC Concepcion. It was my first time to buy Vogue’s “Living” edition and it rocks just as much as the magazine does. I gathered new ideas for my room!


And then we headed to T.G.I.Friday’s where I had one of the best-tasting BBQ Ribs EVER.


We vibrated back home at midnight, and I stayed up until 3 AM chatting with Lance and replying to birthday greetings and messages.




My birthdays have never been grand since I turned 8.
But as I continue aging another year, it gets grander and grander in such a way that I didn’t have to invite 300 people to celebrate my birth.

Sometimes, it’s the party that happens within you that matters the most.
- Me


Happy 22nd Birthday, Abbie.
You bet your ass you had a good one.

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Baxter vs Pippa

ROUND ONE. Haha!

I encountered one of the toughest quandaries last night while in Topshop.

BAXTER? Or PIPPA?
Help a girl out! Lol.


Baxter / Pippa

Baxter was a lot more comfortable. The Pippa looked just like my favorite grey ones from Mango (which I barely wear now cos I can hardly breathe in them), but it had the cut I like. Pipe jeans yo, pipe jeans. .. I never had one in that color, but it’s the same for Baxter as well. Besides, Baxter jeans are like one of their bestsellers. Its the pair of jeans that somehow started it all. The first time I wore them was for Seventeen’s Favorite Model Presscon. Lora (Gahol) made me wear them with this gorgeous black corset. She also requested I wear them with my own gold gladiator sandals. That was like 2 ½ years ago.


(Lol, they told us to do a wacky face but only Ess and I ended up doing it!
From left to right : Me, Yen, Claude, Camille, Jing, Essy, Sharon and Saab)
I loved those jeans. I should’ve bought them!


So last night, I got the Baxter jeans. But I’m thinking about getting the Pippa sometime this week, too. Okay. So much for asking you for help 'no? Goodness. Last night I asked Ayah to convince me that I didn’t need these gorgeous pair of pearl and crystal chandelier earrings from Freedom at Topshop. I didn’t want to let them go but they cost too much. I swear if I wasn’t flying home soon I’d def get those. *clinches fist*


I’m gonna have them altered a bit in the P.I.


Anyways. A guy called Ayah last week asking for anyone she could recommend for this TV show in the Mid-East (Saudi TV), who can talk about the latest trends, to show that the Mid-East has a take on fashion, too. She recommended me. He called me last week, but I didn’t get much info. Ayah says I’ll be on TV but from what I heard from the guy its gonna be a phone patch or something. That would be totally cool either way. But the thing is I have work on Wednesday. And they haven’t called me again to confirm. But oh well. We’ll see.

Oh and I guess CONGRATULATIONS are in order (belated nga lang):

To my friends Carissa Francisco - Cardona , Lora Gahol - Fornacier, Ahmed Selim for tying the knot (WOOHOO! Wedding bell-ES!! Except for Ahmed, lol) and to Mika Lagdameo for bringing Tyler Nicholas to the world! Congrats you guys. I sure can’t wait to have gone through the things you just did. You deserve everything that you have and will have!

Oh and I wanna thank Bianca for using my photos for her article three days ago! O-yay.
Thanks Kaberday and Up for telling me, and Paul for posting it! Heehee. Here, I grabbed it from his Multiply:


Woohoo!

Okay that’s about it.


P.S.
I just called all of Topshop's branches and it turns out, I should've bought those size 6 Pippa jeans last night as well -- all that's left is size 8! Oh noes. Good thing though my friend Kuya Rey will call me as soon as there's new stuff. Weepeedoo!




Taken probably 4 years ago. How's that? Haha.
Me, Ben, Joyce, Lance and Gail
How nostalgic.

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That daunting feeling.

Have you ever felt like you’ve known someone for what seems like your entire life, but the longer you stare at them, you feel like you’re looking at a stranger?


I do.


Most of the time I close my eyes, shake my head and take a deep breath whenever I get that feeling. But as soon as I open them, I realize that none of it is helping.

I’d chant the words to myself.

“You know, you know, you know.”

You know who this person is. Deep down I get a chill in my spine.

It felt so weird. I’ve had these photos ever since and it always felt like I could easily define how I felt. Now its just a big black question mark.

Who is this person? It was like I had amnesia. I tried to remember details of what happened the time the photo was taken. It somewhat feels like I was with an entirely different person at the time – not the one I was in the photo with. Which is really strange, since I’m supposed to know who that person was, as he will only be a memory now. A lot’s changed. I’m supposed to keep how things were intact in my head. For he is dead now. And I don’t know who this person is, taking the exact form of who I knew.


It’s been that way for quite awhile.


Yesterday, the electricity at the office was down for a few hours. I took my i-mate out of my bag and started clicking on the picture folder. Next thing I know, I was staring at our photos again. But today, something felt different. I stared at myself, lying next to that “stranger” I was lying next to. I tried to go back to that time. The person I was with was holding his phone and taking photos of us while I was holding my phone, with my media center on my right side, watching stored eps of Sex and the City’s fourth season. The photos looked like they were moving according to what happened at that time. But I shook my head and focused on myself.


And then the strangest feeling came over me.

I didn’t know who she was.


I remember, during SJParker’s guesting on Oprah, they were talking about knowing who you are in your 20’s. And SJP said something like “You’re not supposed to know yourself at that point, you’re supposed to be searching for yourself… that’s the fun of it”. And Oprah agreed. Then it hit me. All this pressure of falling in love with myself and knowing who I am – its not supposed to be so hard. Everything will come in its own time, I guess. This is life’s journey, this is what we’re supposed to be doing and for once, without any pressure whatsoever.

Boy do I need to start over. With the cleanest and shiniest gold slate I could have.

I have to provide myself with a silver platter this time. They have to come from my own sweat, blood and tears. And with God’s help that really might just happen.


Moving on to something cheerier.


So. The high-maint, fast paced life of the Big Apple, the laid-back vibe of California, or the perfect mix of high-maint, laid-back air of Londontown? My Kuya Richie in CA has already been convincing me that he sees me working in NY. My cousin Sarah and I have already been making crazy plans on our escapades when I get to London. So. What will it be?





"I feel like I become somebody else when I do the pictures. I don't like doing pictures as myself. I like to be made into somebody different."
- Kate Moss

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It was long and hard.

…THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!! (infinite lollage)


Anyway. Sorry, that video just really cracks me up big time. Oh man. Don’t you just love Steve Carell?? I’ve never really watched The Office. That makes me and Lance both. He was like, “Who thought the Office was this funny” and I said, “Well its got to be. Its freakin’ Steve Carell!” and then he says “I know right?” Haha. Its just that whenever I saw it on the telly, I’m like “PFFF!!!” then go and channel surf some more. I never knew what I was missing on! But Lance says its okay anyway since there are compiled videos (like the one I posted yesterday) for people like us. Lol.


SO. What I really meant about the title is that yesterday was like one of the slowest days I’ve had. It was one long and hard day, really. It felt like I had two days in one! Have you ever had that feeling? I actually thought today was Monday. Word.

Anyways, last week, Pop came by the office. I was surprised. Turns out he passed by the bank which was just a floor below our office. Tito Oscar rang me and said I had a visitor. The first person to pop in my head was Kuya Dennis, since he just landed in the Kingdom a month ago. I got really shocked when I saw Papa sitting on the chair opposite Tito O’s table! I hugged him right away like we haven’t seen each other for 10 years when its only been 2 hours since we parted ways at home. Cute. Lol. I introduced him to my boss as well.

Speaking of my Pop, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!


So anyway. I am so getting a punching bag. Why did I ever decide not to get one. I remember talking to my supermodel friend Roldan (naks) about it and I was like "Kukuha ako ng punching bag! Pero ayoko lagyan ng picture! Kase imbis na suntukin ko, kukuha nalang ako ng kutsilyo at sasaksakin!!" and he replied saying " Hahahaha! WASAAAAAAK!" Lol.

Have I told you, two weeks ago I got this Yoga instructional set. I was thinking of really trying Yoga now since it will give me inner peace, learn how to be in trance when I need it the most. I was trying to be more Ryan than Sharpay Evans-like. But now I’m totally leaning towards Sharpay. I think anyone in this point will, except God. And so I did try it last night, followed by a semi-hardcore workout. But I think I should’ve done the work-out first. Lol. Anyway, yoga was fun. I want to be “boneless” so I guess its gonna work. I can now lift my legs up to the sky, aligned to my face, with my arms supporting my back. Amazing. But I bet 5 year olds can already do that. Bummer.


…So yes. I am so getting a punching bag.
Ohmygoodness I am so forgetting the essense of Yoga. Here, maybe if I hold the tree position for more than 5 minutes on each leg, it will help.




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Fully Loaded.

I was watching Herbie: Fully Loaded last week. Lol. But actually the entry title has NOTHING to do with Herbie.

Anyways, Pop came by the office last week. I was surprised. Turns out he passed by the bank which was just a floor below our office. Tito Oscar rang me and said I had a visitor. The first person to pop in my head was Kuya Dennis, since he just landed in the Kingdom a month ago. I got really shocked when I saw Papa sitting on the chair opposite Tito O’s table! I hugged him right away like we haven’t seen each other for 10 years when its only been 2 hours since we parted ways at home. Cute. Lol. I introduced him to my boss as well.

Speaking of my Pop, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!

So yes. I am so getting a punching bag. Why did I ever decide not to get one.

Have I told you, two weeks ago I got this Yoga instructional set. I was thinking of really trying Yoga now since it will give me inner peace, learn how to be in trance when I need it the most. I was trying to be more Ryan than Sharpay Evans-like. But now I’m totally leaning towards Sharpay. I think anyone in this point will, except God. And so I did try it last night, followed by a semi-hardcore workout. But I think I should’ve done the work-out first. Lol. Anyway, yoga was fun. I want to be “boneless” so I guess its gonna work. I can now lift my legs up to the sky, aligned to my face, with my arms supporting my back. Amazing. But I bet 5 year olds can already do that. Bummer.

Hay. I have a small fist, thus, my small heart (is that really true? It somehow feels that way to me), so it can only hold so much anger for months. I have to let this out before you guys end up visiting me in jail. I have to turn this fcuking anger into something positive.

…I am so getting a punching bag.



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Please vote for my Adoribel!

CLICK ON THE PHOTO!


She deserves it, and I love her to death!

Thanks you guys! BTW, will be updating again soon. I've been back to being dysfunctional again lately but thanks to my good friends Ayah, Lance, Best and Baban for helping me a lot! Baban and I are both very excited about me surprising him in school when I get back home! Woohoo! Lol.

Will be replying to comments ASAP.

One of today's highlights is when Eya told me that I remind her of Carrie when she saw SATC today! GAH! I love you Ya.






Photobucket



This is really hilarious. Since Jaybo and I don't talk very often anymore (blame it on me), he showed Lance this vid and Lance showed it to me at 8 AM it already got me laughing from there. Hahahahaha.


...That's what SHE SAID!!!
P.S. It reminds me of that BSB song now.

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Ang araw ng Kalayaan.

*Dahil ngayon ay araw ng Kalayaan ng Pilipinas, napagdesisyunan kong magsulat sa Tagalog.


Kahapon nang pauwi ako sa bahay, tahimik akong naka-upo sa kotse habang nagmumuni-muni at pinagmamasdan ang mga taong nasa paligid ko.

Ang mga taong nagmamaneho sa kasabay naming kotse. Ang kapwa ko Pinoy na naglalakad sa tabi ng kalsada at tila parang nakangiti. Ang mga trabahador na naglilipat ng gamit sa kanilang trak papunta sa loob ng isang tindahan. Ang mga mekanikong nag-aayos ng kotse sa autoshop.

Pinagmasdan ko silang mabuhay sa isang sekundong kurap ng aking mata. Buhay. Ano ba talaga ang buhay…


Matagal na mula nung nagawa ko iyon. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, hindi ko na pinapakailaman ang mga nangyayari sa paligid ko. Hinahayaang lumipas ang mga minuto sa loob ng kotse na walang napapansin, at walang iniisip kung hindi “Isa nanamang araw.” Wala na akong ibang isinasaisip kung hindi ang aking puot.


Parati kong sinasabi na kailangan ko ulit mabuhay. Kailangan kong maramdaman na buhay ulit ako. Naghahanap ng pagkakataong tumalon sa bangin. Ngunit hindi para mamatay. Kung hindi para maranasan, kahit sa isang saglit lang, ang totoong esensya ng aking pagkatao. Kung sino ba ako. Kung ano ang mawawala sa mundo. Kung ano ang nawawala saakin sa pagpawalang halaga ko sa aking sarili, at sa bawat segundong tumatakbo sa aking buhay.

Napaisip ako. Ito ang buhay. Hindi na dapat humangad pa ng kahit na anong ekspiryensya para maramdaman ito, dahil dadating ito sa tamang panahon. Ito ang buhay. Ang ngayon. Ang bawat paghinga at paggalaw ko…Dito ko dapat maramdaman na ako ay buhay.


AKO AY BUHAY.
Kinailangan kong ulit-ulitin sa aking sarili ng ilang beses.
AKO AY BUHAY.

Ako ay isang tao. Isang taong may karapatan, at may layang maging masaya. Maghangad kung ano ang dapat ay saakin. Isang tao. Na dapat makita ang sariling halaga. Hindi sa mundo. Kung hindi sa sarili. Nilalang ako. Hindi ng bansang Pilipinas. Hindi ng mundo. Kung hindi ng Diyos. Nilalang akong ginawa Niya at binigyan ng regalo ng buhay. Binigyan ng pagkakataong ipakita sa Kanya na ako’y karapatdapat para sa Kanyang pangako.

Ito ang buhay. Ngunit hindi ito ang totoong mundo. Ang lahat ng ito ay mawawala. At sa dulo ng lahat, isa lang ang matitira.


SIYA.




Maraming pang dapat pagdaanan. Maraming luha. Maraming tawa. Maraming masasaya. Maraming malulungkot. Maraming pakirdamdam na parang mamamatay ka na sa susunod na limang minuto. Maraming pakiramdam na parang wala nang mas magaganda pa sa kasalukuyang panahon.

Ang importante, ang maisip natin...ang mabuhay.
Mabuhay ngayon.
- Abbie Almasco


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“I think religion divides people…”

They looked at me with shock on their faces. There I was, the only Christian in the table. My bestfriend’s childhood friend on my right, and my bestfriend’s family on my left. I felt like I was turning red from embarrassment with what I had just said. But I continued.


“…its why I don’t think I have any religion right now.”


They explained their religion more. Deeply. We even watched a documentary after. It got me more interested to learn about them, their practices and beliefs. It also made me feel ashamed of myself in a way. They would ask me stuff about Christianity but it was either I didn’t know much or I just didn’t want to debate about it. I didn’t want to make a point by saying what I knew because it could only mean I’m pointing out that what I practice is right, and theirs is wrong. So I just swallow whatever they try to point out to me.


I knew they meant no harm. It was pretty hurtful in a way but I was in no position to argue with them. I just kept silent out of respect for how strong their faiths were, and how eager they were to make me know more about it.


I’ve been bestfriends with my bff since HS and never did our difference of religion get in the way of our friendship. We just respected each other for having different beliefs, trying to understand why she does this and I do that.


But lately she’s been talking me into converting. She shared things that happens in the afterlife, the punishments we would get for having done a particular deed. She went on about what else was in store after death for people who have not converted to their religion. Hours passed and I felt overwhelmed. At that moment I felt this sudden urge to learn more about it.


But I ended up feeling more lost. A lot of things went on my head. Suddenly I felt scared for myself, for my loved ones. The punishments in the afterlife sounded so brutal. Yet I didn’t know if it was the only thing that was bothering me, or the fact that my bestfriend is suddenly discreetly telling me that she wants me to convert.


I was stressed out for days, trying to figure it out. I didn’t want to convert just because I was scared of not going to Heaven. It is a big deal, and something to think about over and over – but if ever I do convert, its got to be on a deeper ground. Like a calling. Like being struck by lightning.


Religion has always been an issue. I’ve never liked Religion. That’s one thing I realized lately. My heart feels joy for people who have found their Religions, and are practicing it well. The only thing I don’t like about it is that they point out that theirs is the only one. That theirs is the only practice and belief that can save.


I don’t know if I’m saying this for lack of knowledge on each and every Religion out there. But I think God doesn’t want us fighting over something like this. He left us words, he left us rules, he left us promises and warnings. God’s words does not change. That’s for sure. I used to think that God is looking down on us and seeing all the change, he would reconsider altering some of the things He told His people before. But deep down I knew that that was the challenge. The world will change constantly, but God’s ways will never change. Our generation is starting to face the biggest challenges as our era is filled with tons of changes. In culture, most especially. What was taboo then is slowly becoming acceptable now. We have to start remembering God’s words and start living by them again. I salute each and every one who’s already on that road. God truly knows how hard it is for people these days to do that.


I surely can’t do anything about the people divided by having separate religions. But I just think that its best that we go on practicing what we believe in, and just respect others for what they do as well. Because no matter how righteous we are, at the end of the day, we’re still just human beings. We still sin. God will ALWAYS AND FOREVER have the last say in all of this.


He is the only one who knows everything.

In our hearts we will know that what we are doing is right. And God gives us signs telling us that He’s happy about it. We need not to boast about things like that. We need to share it. That’s two different things.

As for me and my bestfriend, I won’t let this get in the way of our friendship. She is to me what she has always been, my bestfriend. My sister. I know that she only wants what’s best for me, and is saving me from bigger sins I might commit and re-commit in this lifetime. Quoting her, “I just want to see my loved ones around me in Heaven. I don’t want any of you to suffer. If only I could carry you so we can get to Heaven together, I would. But you can only save yourself.” My ex-bff the red, black horned monster was whispering in my ear, telling me that my bff is judging me for being a Christian. But I know in my heart that that wasn’t true. She was speaking of God. That couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. You’ve always got to look at the bigger picture. Besides, its not like she’s telling me that she’d forget we were ever friends if I don’t convert. She just knows that I don’t have any specific Religion right now and I know she just doesn’t want me lost. I love her to death. Nothing will change that.


And me? I don’t feel lost. For some reason, at this very moment I have peace in my heart. I know a lot of you would attest to this and would find me weird or troubled, but deep down I just know that God has something in store for me. If its His will for me to find a Religion where I truly belong, then it will happen in His time. I’m still on a journey towards God. I’m not even halfway there yet. I just know that for now, God understands where I am. For He himself has gone through this. He knows what I feel like. It was stated in the Bible that only people who truly seek Him are the ones who would find Him. I have to be strong enough to take that big step. He knows I’m still weak. But what’s important is that I don’t forget Him.


I just know that I’m a Christian. What I have with God is more personal. Others see it as a good thing, others don’t. What matters is that I know where God is in my heart. I haven’t fully entrusted Him with everything that I should yet. And I know I lack in so many things when it comes to Him. But it will come. Just give me time.


Because God is.




"If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you."
- John 15: 18- 19 (The Message)

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This shhh is Bananas.

I slept at 2AM yesterday reading my old blog. My third, old blog. It was a time in my life where I believe I was at this small mountain peak of my life. Everything was so exciting. And I may have sounded immature but I made sense. Everyday I had a quandary to think about and figure out.

I wonder how I was able to juggle it all. I had a very busy life then. Busy but well-balanced. Was it what caused all my "AHA!" moments? Now that my life has been so-so, I have more time to think and contemplate on life, its beauty, its struggles, its weeds. But why don’t I seem to “have the mind” that I had back then?

What made me into this shallow person?

Is it because I’m miserable enough that I unconsciously stop myself from sulking more? Or is it because… Oh. Deep down I know I’ve figured it out. Maybe I’m gonna need an epiphany toilet. But lately I’ve been so lethargic to even think, that most of the time I can’t even answer “What do you want for dinner?”. I just say “Kahit ano…(Anything…)”.
Its like my wish was granted. I am on Auto-Pilot. Its not what I imagined it to be. I thought everything would move swiftly from there, but I never thought I’d want my old self back. I complained a lot that my head is always in traffic. And now I miss it.

I know I can’t take that part of myself back again. It belongs to him. And he let his old self die. He chose that road. And I’m sure I died with it. The only thing that sucks after giving your all in a relationship is that when it ends, you don’t know who you are anymore. But then again you should never regret loving unconditionally. It’s the best feeling in the world.

But dear goodness, I need to live again. I’ve got to become a whole new person. My kababata (childhood friend) Caloi told me that I should enrich my life. Do things I’ve never done before. And I always told myself that I’ll know I’ve made it once I finally have that Chanel 2.55 hanging on my shoulder. But in my heart I know that I’m yearning for something greater than that – Shia LaBeouf. Uh I mean, LIFE. To be in that rollercoaster ride 16 hours a week (because I need rest) until I leave this planet.

I have never been Plain Jane. Not that it’s a sin. I’ve just never been one. It’s one hell of a transition. I was never a party girl either, but I had loads of fun. I’m starting to realize how much of a sap I’m starting to become. Or maybe its because I can’t spend all my money since I’ll be heading back home in 9 weeks?

Crass. I’m turning 22 in exactly 2 weeks and a day. And 24 hours before that I’ll be celebrating my one year in Jeddah. And I remember exactly what I felt like the day I landed here.

Ah. Whatev. I'm full of hate now, I just deny it.
A date with Peter Pan is the best remedy.
Sweet dreams, yo!


“Apparently, the brains found in our heads are just dummies. For most girls, their real brains can be found in their hearts, on the other hand, for most boys, it can be found in their balls.”
- Me

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Support Kate support Starlight Children's Foundation.

Because I have already spent more than my alloted budget on her collection (and because I've asked my Aunt one too many favors), I'm asking you, citizen of Planet Earth to purchase this personally designed top by the one and only, my woman (hah how I wish) Kate Moss.





CLICK ON ME!


Or for more info, log on to the official Starlight Children's Foundation Website.
Let's help Kate and Topshop make a difference (and look really chic doing it too). Who knew taking part of "saving the world" could look so rock glam? That's got to be the coolest thing you've ever heard.




"Its a sin to be tired.
"
- Kate Moss

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They tried to make me go to rehab, I said “No, no, no...”

SHOPAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, that is!!! Lol.

Anyway. I hate myself right now. I’m such an impulsive buyer (what’s new. I used to sing “Hey Big Spender” in my head whenever I prance around them malls – its not something to be proud of, really). But I’ve become a better shopaholic than I was before. If there really was a rehab for such a condition, I bet my shrink would tell me that I’ve improved a lot because yesterday, I bought only ONE THING that wasn’t in my list – an Aqua/Turquoise waterproof eyeliner from Make Up Forever (darn these Sephora sales people. Gotta love them).

So, here are the stuff I’ve gotten so far :

Nars blush in Orgasm. Nars lipgloss in Orgasm (multiple Orgasms yo! Lol). Benefit Dr. Feel Good. Chanel Imitable Waterproof Mascara in Noir. Diorshow Waterproof Mascara in Noir Black. MAC “Heatherette” limited ed collection Lipgloss in Boom Blast. Lancomé Juicy Tubes Lipgloss in Cherry Rock. Make Up Forever eyeliner in Aqua Eyes.


And here’s other stuff I’ll be “needing” (lol) :



Benetint from Benefit. Shu Uemura Mini Eyelash curler (so I can leave my old one by the dresser). Laura Mercier Foundation (in my natural skin tone). T. Le Clerc Loose Powder (in tan, for my future bronzy days).


And then a few more keekee (kikay) stuff that I’ll have to check out myself:


L’occitane Body Scrub (Delicious Paste or Verbena Salts Scrub). Philosophy Perfumed Shampoo (Amazing Grace – why does the name make me barf? I guess its okay, it smells divine anyway). Kiehl’s Body Crème (Crème de Corps). Origins Ginger Essence, Ginger Soufflé and A Perfect World moisturizer. Shu Uemura Depsea Spray and Cleansing Oil. Bed Head (Hook Up or Superstar). Murad T-zone Pore Refining Gel.

Then I’m good to go, yo!

So. Last night I also spent on a few Topshop accessories, too. Freedom!!! Haha. I love love love their necklaces. I also got this flower headband. So cute.


I was gonna get this pair of Gladiator sandals (they’re my addiction now. I wanna have one in every freakin’ rainbow color) but they didn’t have one in size 3. Boohoo. There were these gorgeous off-white chunky platform shoes that I drooled on too, but they also didn’t have it in my size. Olshmulsh. In a way it was a relief because I know later on I would regret spending so much.

I finally got my tanning products. The Jiffy Tan from Benefit and the Tanning Bed in a Tube from Too Faced. I couldn’t possibly get any more “Tan freak” than this, right?

Or could I?
Next target: Loreal's Sublime Bronze. Lol.


So there you have it. You have just gotten served with one of my superficial blog posts. Another day (que "There's only us, there's only this...Forget regret, or life is yours to miss, no other road...No other way...No day but today..." Haha I gotta watch my Rent DVD again).

Okay enough.


“...After all, heartbreak and break-ups are the hardest kind of work. So shouldn’t there be some sort of credit for enduring them? And if not, how do you retain a sense of value when you have nothing concrete to show for it? Because at the end, of yet, another failed relationship, when all you have are war wounds and self-doubt, you have to wonder : What's it all worth? “
- Carrie Bradshaw

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“We get it, you like to color.”

Samantha. You might not want to be like her, but you’ve got to admit that you can’t NOT love her!

Last night I chillaxed and watched that controversial ep of The Moment of Truth (yikes) and Oprah while I let my hair absorb the color (I went for Dark Blonde this time, but I’ll do the Leona Lewis-Keep Bleeding-Video hair color next month, I sure do hope it looks that way. Eek), and I screamed when the SATC cast were Oprah’s guests! I thought I missed it. My goodbeans. I loved SJParker’s hair color! Totally getting the exact same highlights.

Something gave me the creeps last night. Remember when I said that my Big IRL actually does start with a J too? Chris Noth, the guy who plays Big has a son that he named…ORION. From the constellation, Orion’s Belt… My Big IRL and I, our official constellation was the Orion’s Belt. Gah. Connect?? I remember he told me years ago that he would watch SATC and Carrie would remind him of me. Aww, shucks. Lol.

I’m not much into shoes though, but I can totally relate with the closet part. Always always always an issue with Carrie. I’ve dreamt of having a walk-in closet and one day, I know I’ll have one. With a white plush gigantic foot stool and a Cleopatra couch, two mini chandeliers (the ones from Ikea rock, and they’re really cheap), racks and racks of clothes, a dresser with bulbs (like those in dressing rooms), one leopard wall, a fluffy white rug, and a center table containing all the bling (you know how they display their jewelry in Mango?) Lovely.

DLing the SATC Soundtrack now (I love India.Arie's version of THE HEART OF THE MATTER! Killer lyrics talaga). I’m totally buying the original DVD set of SATC when I get back home. I only have them in original VCD copy, I want it in DVD! Rawr. I already have this book about the show, its hot pink and hard-bound with a snakeskin cover. Coolage, it was given to me about 4 years ago by Joel Garcia… I miss that guy! Lol, how random.

Oh, and just a thought.
I forgot that I took up Journalism.
I only speak the truth.
Lol. So maybe journalism really is my calling. Only you should hook me up with the fashion department. Hard news isn’t exactly my forte.

Anyways, spending a weekend at Ayah's again. Gotta go get ready. God willing we'd be off to Red Sea Mall tomorrow. Part II of my mission to raid Sephora (and maybe Roxy for a pair of flippies).

Seeyaloveyabye!





Big : "Should we get you a diamond?"
Carrie : "No. Just give me a really big closet."

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Lance told me about this.

But I can't watch the actual video for the best kiss award yet, but I love love love how this started. Ultimate lollage. And ultimate crushage on Chris Brown! GAH!




Hahaha. Sadly I wasn't able to watch it but I hope they air it on VH1 here soon. Or I might have just missed it live.

@)(*$@*$@&#$^@#^&$%@#^$

Great. I'm losing my sanity and I'm missing out on a lot of great things.

BTW. Starting tomorrow, I will end every post with either a Quote of the Day, Quandary of the Day, Conversation of the Day and what-not. Anything else I come up with.

I'm currently downloading some Jonas Brothers tunage to see if I might actually like them. I live in Mars these days that I've only actually thought of checking them out now. Haha.
Oh and whaddya know. I missed Oprah. I might've missed out on that ep where SATC stars guest on with Big. Dammit.

Mornight.


P.S.
I'm turning 22 this month.
Nice. Not.

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I did not need an epiphany toilet for this one.

Papa was screaming on the phone at the delivery boy who didn’t seem to get the directions he gave. The delivery boy was out of his car right across our flat. Papa kept telling him to look straight, in front of him. But the delivery boy kept looking at different directions. His screaming affected me more than the delivery boy did.


Actually I wasn’t irritated at the delivery boy at all.


Ever since I started working, screwing up, getting scolded and making up for it, I realized that my job doesn’t only affect my reputation and performance in the company, in my boss’ eyes, but also the work of others. And as someone who always (always always always) puts myself in one’s shoes I realized, in the middle in all the screaming that happened that night – that as workers, we have to understand other workers as well. Maybe some of us have already reached “that” place. Some of us have already been sitting in that perfect throne, with a perfect crown on our heads, barely messing up, barely disappointing bosses, co-workers.


But some of us have just began the race. The journey.

And its pretty normal to screw up. Just not all the time.

I wanted to tell Papa to stop screaming, probably it was out of pity. But most of all I wanted to tell him that his daughter was just like that delivery boy. And not because he was just a few years older than I was, but because sometimes we just …get lost.


Professionals. We’re humans too. We’ve got lives outside our jobs affecting us. And I know Papa might have had a point. But I didn’t like the earsplitting scolding. I’m sure he’d get hurt if ever my boss screamed at me that way, and I pray that I don’t – cause my boss already scares the life out of me, which is mostly a good thing because it pushes me not to screw up, even if sometimes, I do and I hear pretty hurtful stuff from him. But I am told that I need that.

Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.


Everyone starts somewhere. And in this life, somewhere can mostly be found way down there.

I mean, way down. As a child, Donald Trump certainly did not wake up every morning with a gold spoon in his mouth, did he?


But I’m going beyond the point.

I just wish that we would all be more considerate of our co-workers, employees, and heck, even bosses. Its always a give and take relationship. Being down there, you always have to understand. But being up there, you have to do just that as well.


I know I’ve got a long way to go with this. I just pray that I don’t ever have to cry in the bathroom with anything work-related. I guess I can handle crying in the bathroom about everything else. Just not work. Somehow this is the only place where I know in my heart I shouldn’t mess up.


And maybe its not because of my reputation.
Maybe its because I couldn’t take knowing that I’d screw up in the last resort to excel.
Because everything else has already fallen into pieces.


For now.


"As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?' "
- Carrie Bradshaw

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