Ironic that the word LIE is in BELIEVE.

I used to hate reality. I used to be one of those naive teenagers who would rather make things up in their heads and live in Lala-Land just to be happy.

"Oh wow, this is so awesome, I'm so happy, I'm having a super time right now!! Oh yeah!!"

Deep down I just wanted to slit my wrists. Yeah I was emo. I think I still am. Deep down, there's still this girl who wants to go all deep on cheese, iykwim. But with the rate of how things went for me lately, I prefer to put on the "Hey this girl knows how to handle her problems! Awesome!" mask on and just sleep on it. I haven't even been blogging about my feelings. Or even writing on my journal, which is supposed to be my alternative to publicly baring myself naked in the intarwebs. I actually hate what I've become. I miss being the sponge that I was, absorbing things, letting people know how I felt, because to me, it was therapeutic. But for some reason I wanted to become all hard and shh, I went on "my thoughts you can't decode" phase. Lance even warned me about overdoing it, but I guess I went too far.

I would still hate on haters, that will never change. But how about how I feel on a daily basis. How am I supposed to let that out now that there are walls I built around myself. I don't like this.

I just don't know what to believe anymore. Sometimes, I don't even think I could believe myself, and how I feel. The hardest part is when you lose so much of yourself, you don't know which part of you is real - which part of you is still there, which part of you is gone.

The world is full of lies, but which one should I believe?