I'm not sure I'm supposed to say this. I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to say it without sounding like I'm bragging or something. I don't want God to punish me for saying so much, knowing most people might misunderstand.

I'm dysfunctional but I feel like I'm supposed to say it. If I get up eight hours later and I feel that this is wrong, I'll probably delete this. Ha.

See, I haven't been saying much...about the things I'm currently facing now, been ranting to close friends, and my family of course. This is by far the biggest mountain I have to climb. I wish it were just my journey to take, but it's not.

They say people closest to God face such trials. There are those cliche times when I ask Him why'd it have to happen to us, when we barely did anybody any wrong. I felt like we've gone through enough to face another problem THIS big. "Why not this person? She's the one who should suffer, she deserves it more than I do..."

See, I know there is a bigger world outside. With people facing much bigger problems than I am. Lately, I thought about the people in Haiti, and Chile - and I would sympathize with their ordeals. When I think about my situation, and how much God is helping us, and showing us His presence in our lives, I feel so blessed.

I'm on Facebook a lot and I would see my contacts' status messages. And although I understand that it is their lives, and their pages, their businesses, I couldn't help but feel proud of myself.

Yes, PROUD. I am proud because my family and I are growing in Christ, that He is showing us His love, and that He is teaching us things, a lot of things through these experiences. While I am happy for my friends who live their lives partying around the metro, whose biggest problem is what they're going to wear to the event tonight, figuring out what to do to get the attention of the hottie they've been eyeing all night, boys, boys, boys, fame, getting attention from people... I have to say that I am proud that THIS is what I have to face. That I may not be successful yet, yada-yada-yada, but I am thankful that God is showing me so much, and blessing us with so much.

I may not have what most people have, or aspire to have. But what I have is God. I have my family. I have my friends. I have Andrew. I am not blessed with money, or fame. I do want these things, these earthly things, maybe God will bless me with that, and success, and so many others in the future. But for now, I have joy in my heart just seeing God work in my life. I just have to keep working to strengthen my faith.

In the end, whatever we have on earth won't matter. Yes, you might leave a mark with people with your awesomeness.

But what has it done for God?

Lord, this is one hard trial to face. But I claim victory. And though I am not perfect, though I tend to forget, though I still sin, though I end up gnawing my own words, only YOU know how thankful I am that in spite all this, YOU have kept me and my family strong. I want to learn how to lift it all up to YOU, and to trust YOU with everything that YOU have given me.

I know we will win. And we will win because of you.

I love you, Jesus.
Thank you.