Kermit Tesoro, I LOVE YOU

Remember this April 2010 cover of Preview Magazine?
(srsly, who could forget a Preview cover?)

So tell me, how can you miss out on the shoes, love?

Meet the genius behind it : the one and only Kermit Tesoro.

Photos courtesy of Kermit Tesoro

I don't think I need to show you how much drool is on the page of my copy, featuring Kermit's skull-heel sculpted shoe. I just know I wanted to get my hands on one.

And so I came up with an awesome idea : to wear a pair on my wedding. Yes, my church wedding. I searched for a way to communicate with him, and when I did, I got something pretty in my inbox, tied with a red bow (btw - I'm not getting it anytime soon, I'm broke! But I did say I would be ordering, wee!)

Kermit Tesoro, you just made my year. I love you.

Read more about Kermit Tesoro on Style Bible's Designer Spotlight article on Kermit and Status Magazine's write-up on his latest collection which was showcased during this year's Philippine Fashion Week, Holiday 2010 - where I had the passes to his show but was such a loser for missing out on it.

Aww, look at that face. Look at all those wasted passes.
I love you John Caro, thanks for giving them to me anyways!

Looking at the bright side, there's always next season. And with someone as brilliant as Kermit, you're sure to see more of him. More, more, more. Yesplease.


Weighing Things

One of the things I'm not really comfortable talking about, is weight. Weight is overrated. I don't really care if you're plus sized (actually, I like people who look healthy). Its one thing to want to "feel" healthy and another to "look" healthy.

If you're plus sized, there's no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with your own body. If there's anyone I'm proud of, is that I have chubby cousins and it doesn't go in the way of how they feel about themselves. I love them more for that. They're very very confident and I wish girls would look up to them for that. They work with what they have and are proud of it to a point that they do make jokes about it to themselves.

I'm not saying its wrong to wish you were thinner, or meatier. What I'm saying is that its wrong to just let it affect how you live your life, and how you see yourself.

Recently, I saw an old friend and she brought up my husband, Drew, then mentioning about his weight. She said something like, "Nakita kita sa Facebook ha! Ang taba ng asawa mo! Sabi ko nga eh, "ano ba 'tong pinili ni Abbie.."" (I saw you on Facebook and your husband's fat! I was telling myself, "What kind of choice did Abbie make") And deep down, I was like "You're seriously telling me that?" I get that she was laughing, it seemed funny to her. It didn't to me.

Andrew is one of the most body-conscious people I've known my entire life. And honestly, he does hate that he's gained so much weight to a point that he's depressed about it. And because I love him, I do try to encourage him when I see that he's spaced out, wishful thinking about how much he weighed a year ago. Things like, "Its okay, you're still hot to me", or "Its okay, you can always get your old body back, anyway, like when you have the time to and stuff."

Whenever friends come up to us, teasing him that he's gained so much and that he should do something about it, I couldn't help but hate them a little. Seriously, my husband is not blind. He knows what he's dealing with, and he knows he's gained weight. There's no need to rub it in his face. Life is just so much different in the middle east. He's dealing with so many things. His weight is not something to be taken seriously right now, we have bigger problems to face and deal with. I'm the wife, if there's anyone who has a problem with how he looks, it should be me. But I don't really give a rat's ass.

When people ask me about how he's doing, I proudly say he's put on some pounds, and my friends can attest that I don't even make faces when I say it. His weight is not a problem to me. I do find it cute and funny whenever he lies in bed, acting all depressed about it though.

Second week of April

I'm blessed that I married Andrew. And I wake up to that thought everyday, whether he's got a bulgy ab, or a six pack. I can live with whatever, as long as its him. As long as he is who he's always been. That's all that really matters. Besides, my husband will always look hot to me.

Try to be a little sensitive about how people feel, especially about their weight. That comment thrown at me was offensive, because she doesn't even know what kind of a person my husband is. Please don't start conversations with "Wow, you gained weight", because its not just a girl thing, its actually a human thing, and its not just about vanity, its an over-all personality thing.

And since we're at it, stop telling me how much weight I've lost . You haven't been dealing with the things I have and I think anyone who's lost a Mother would go through the same stress and weight loss as I have. I am not stupid, or blind. Stop telling me to do something about it. I'm trying, its not just as easy as you think. And its not like I'm not aware of this fact, my skinny jeans are starting to become baggy and I couldn't hate it any more - my self confidence is lower than you could ever imagine, but then again, there are more important things to focus on.

Like dealing with the reality that my Mother is physically gone, and all I want to do right now is hug her.

Who would care about their weight when they've got something like this to face?


For Mama

For Mama from Abbie Almasco-Bautista on Vimeo.

Something I took at the condo last week. Its like my 25th Wedding Anniversary gift to her, because God knows how cheesy my parents really are, its no question where I got my addiction to all things cheesy (that includes how much I love having cheese in my plate).

I love and miss you Mama. My heart breaks everyday as soon as your absence sinks in.


'Til Death Do Us Part?

More like, " 'Til Death, and Beyond."

That's Papa renewing his marital vows with Mama before we took her to the crematorium chapel in Funeraria Paz, Sucat on the 12th of May, 2010.

It was something he was intending to do even before her passing, since May is the month they celebrate their anniversary, making this year their 25th.

Mama was Papa's first everything, and to people who doubt that, screw you. My Father is not perfect, and just like almost every other Dad, he has made some mistakes and have hurt us in the past, but he has always been faithful to Mama, and God has changed him to become a much better man, husband, and father.

He kept on telling me that his covenant is to stay single for Mama, because of all her sacrifices for us. Obviously, he makes me cry in front of him a lot.

Thank God for my cousin Mao, who took this photo. I was sobbing my eyes out during this. She was, too. But she's a pro - she was still able to take shots (I love you Mao).

I'm working on my "Mama entry".

I love you, Mama.


Coachella, Ella, Ella

I don't remember the first time I've heard of mosh pits and found out what it was exactly, but I'm sure I knew about it because of Woodstock (not Snoopy's feathery friend).

According to Wiki, The Woodstock Festival began in 1969, from the 15th to the 18th of August where 400,000 people gathered to listen to artists like Santana, Janis Joplin, Blood, Sweat and Tears, and Jimi Hendrix.

Like most people, I consider Music as one of the things I would love forever, no doubt! (no, not the band, although I do love them). When my friend Lance influenced me about adapting to the Scene culture, I then found out about music festivals like Bamboozle, Warped Tour, and Coachella.

Whenever I think about going all 60's, living the hippy life, camping with my friends on tents by the stage for 3 days, I think it would be AWESOME (understatement). And with the wide range of genres, and the chance to be a groupie? Mmm-mmm. In the spirit of Woodstock, there I will stand.

And because I try too hard (and because I like to daydream about going one day - which I will), I've printed out a couple of Warped Tour posters on A3 papers two years ago, and I added two Coachella posters last week and stuck them on my wall.

And because I've also been imagining what I'd wear to the Coachella Festival, here are looks I'd love to don when that awesome day comes (gotta love Looklet) :

And no, I'm not ignoring the blackhole outside my bubble today, or rather escaping it. This is my way of not hanging myself from a tree, thankyou.

Okay, not funny.


Sleeping Awake

At that moment, as much as I hated reality, I wanted to stay in it. Because I knew... if I wandered off someplace else with Dr. Seuss, I'd regret absorbing a little realism in my life. Even just for 10 straight minutes.

I've been resorting to talking. Not to my laptop, not to the intarwebs, not to Molle, but to people. Yes, real people. Okay maybe I still do talk to the intarwebs. I send lengthy e-mails to my siblings, my Aunts and Cousins about the blackhole outside my bubble.

I haven't been saying a lot, honestly. I try to be careful because not all people think alike. As much as I want to vent it out, I also have to keep positive. Some people stick to reality too much. It sucks the little hope you have left, and I can't deal with losing hope of any sort. Not right now.
Its finding the balance between reality and faith. It's that old cliché, you know? I don't know if this makes sense, but its like, The Universe Vs. God - which is crazy because God controls the universe. I just feel like sometimes, the Universe does things on its own.

If I had the luxury to slack off, I would. I'm in my office chair but it actually feels like I'm standing on a cliff. I'm tempted to jump but I hold back, trying to enjoy the drama saying, "Just like in the Movies, but nothing like it at all."

I'm so tired I couldn't even cry. I fight it - insanity. I try so hard to fight it everyday, apart from the usual demons, unfortunately both in my head and IRL.

I'm just not sure how I'm going to deal with this. God is always there, He's always heard our prayers. I'm just not sure how I'm gonna get by this.

You want to cry, but you can't. And there goes another movie on mute, playing in your head. You want to stop, but you can't.

But its all too painful. Its both bittersweet and not at all. I can't smile back at people today. My lips used to substitute for my heart, now it can't do it. I can't lie anymore. I want to stop pretending. But I don't want anyone's pity. I don't want to be that person who they think of and say, "Thank God I'm not in her shoes". That's too painful, because nobody deserves this. Not even the one person I hate the most. I used to think she did.

God is good, always. Trying to convince myself that these things happen to the best of us. God loves us. I don't want to ever doubt that.

This is too painful.


Guess who's back?

And yes, I was definitely singing Eminem's "Without Me" in my head. Oh goodness. Seriously it felt like I haven't logged on in forever when, funny I just realized that its ONLY been a day. Wow, and all that panicking I did at work trying to find a way to get the internet connection back at home. There is no way I'm settling that telephone bill RIGHT NOW. Thank you Ate Lorie for telling me about GO. If you're reading this and you're in the Middle East, seriously - try it. It's amazing. I LOVE IT.

And OMG its 2 A.M. I think our Driver would love to drag me out of my flat in the morning, since I come down late, like most of the time.

You have no idea what I'm going through right now. Let's just keep it at that because God is taking care of it. We claim victory. And I'm not sure about the bond that Bob Marley and Jesus had, but they both did say "not to worry about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright". Right? Right. God is always good, and He will always be. He's done so much for me and my family already. No need to doubt that.

So. I guess I'll leave you with a few photobooth babies? I'm off to bed. Shut eye, you're not something I could find in my fridge, but boy do you sound yummy to me right now.


Just something I took like 10 minutes ago.

I took Proenza with me to work yesterday.
Yes, I really was on the phone with someone.

Oh, and speaking of work - our internetz was cut-off. And no, its not that we haven't settled our bill. Its something that was taken out on us personally.

Wooh! Professionalism!