“I do, do I?”


I finally saw Sex and the City 2 the other night. To be honest, I loved both movies, but somehow I wished they weren’t made at all. Still, I’m glad they did. And I know this just doesn’t make any sense. Err.

When I asked friends and blog readers to suggest topics for my next vlog, my friend Danni asked me to talk about marriage (if life after the ceremony is what I imagined it to be). And I thought, "what an excellent topic". But since I’m the best vlogger the intarwebs has to offer (yes this is me being sarcastic), I thought it would be best I write about it instead.

We’re only months into our marriage, and to be honest, I already knew what to expect. I was briefed so many times, even before I met Andrew – that marriage takes a lot of hard work, to make it work. But sure, you cannot imagine the number of times I wanted to screw over all these Disney Princess Fairy Tales we grew up to know and love. It made us exceed the level of expectations in men, love and relationships. I’ve blogged about this before : there’s so much more beyond “happily ever after”. It doesn’t end in breakfasts in bed, roses on your pillows, and bursting out into song – there are tons of pages right after that, its just not there, but you have to turn it. That’s where all the bittersweet parts of the stories lie. That’s where, dare I even say it, reality slaps you in the face.

Right now, yes. This is how I expected married life to be. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. There are so much compromises to make. You know that level of understanding you had when you were dating, you have to give a hundred times more when you’re married. You’re no longer living for yourself, you now also have to think of your partner. Of course you’d say, I’m down for that, as long as I’m with the love of my life, everything will be easy breezy”, and yes, that could be true. But there are some days when you wished you thought about it more, when you thought about it harder.

Andrew and I had the privilege of knowing each other beyond dates in the mall. Although its not always the answer, but we were blessed to have that opportunity. We were already comfortable with doing things in front of each other, that used to be our SSBs. I knew his sleeping habits, although I do wish he’d make me his pillow and face my side of the bed more often (I’m still adjusting to that, but on nights when he would, its bliss). I have to remember that even if we’re married, we’re still individuals who would need a little time to ourselves on some days. Yes, its fun to do things together (I don’t know if married couples out there know what they’re missing out on if they have never ever cleaned the bathroom together with their husbands/wives – its awesome, to be honest! Doing chores together in silence, and probably with a little childish fun in addition, that’s the best), but what about the SSBs we’ve always loved doing when we were single, like Andrew dancing while he’s brushing his teeth, or me talking to the mirror pretending I’m an actress? We love each other, and sure, we’re comfortable – but there are things we both know we do when we’re alone, but just never comfortable to do it when the other person’s around. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever. God knows.

Marriage is supposed to be effortless, and at the same time, it requires so much effort. Its that unique balance of both that keeps the spark alive in marriages, which I'm sure I'll forget on some days.

When Andrew broke my heart once, I thought that was the hardest and roughest road our relationship will ever be on, and in my heart, I do know and pray that either of us will ever get stuck in that rut again. I know that marriage leads us to more roads, and not all of them are smooth. In all aspects, we will be tested. It’s a scary thought, if you ask me. But I am so thankful that God blessed me with a man who can still surprise me, in a very very very good way after all these years.

There are some things about Andrew that will irritate me, and surely the same goes for him too. But I left Andrew this message on his Facebook wall a week ago :

I know I'm always cheesy and mushy but I just want to say how blessed I feel that you chose me, and that I said "yes". I know I'm not perfect, and so are you. And that we have so much more to find out about each other, and they're not always going to be pretty. But thanks for choosing me, thanks for choosing me to be that sometimes pretty, sometimes unpretty little gift you'd unwrap everyday :) Just in case an asteroid hits me today, at least I've said what I wanted to. We have "Remember Me" to thank for ♥ Haha!

I guess that explains it all.

There will always be a point in your married life that you’d find yourself saying “This is not the kind of relationship I signed up for”, you know, like Carrie said. But then again, like the Vice Consul of the Philippine Embassy, Madame Dingal (who officiated our civil marriage) said this during the ceremony : “When you want to walk out of this marriage, look back on this day. Look back on this day and remember why you’re here. Remember why you made this vow”.

(photos by Aevan Caro)

Like I said, I’m only months into this relationship, and I have had those days. And I remember why I chose to wake up next to the same man for the rest of my life.

3 comments:

  1. great blog. learned a lot.^.^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it! Thanks for sharing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know the feeling and thank you for inspiring me over and over again :)

    ReplyDelete