I don't mind being laughed at.


I don't "like it, like it". But its something I've gotten used to. You could add the word "sadly", but looking at the bigger picture, its the people on the other end you should feel sad about.

I remember one of my favorite scenes in Elizabethtown, when Orlando and Kirsten are on the phone for hours, and Orlando's like " And who says we have to listen to 'them'? " and Kirsten says, " 'They' do! " And that's exactly what I mean.

Am I a bully magnet? I mean, I try not to be. I don't really see why people always connote me as someone who tries too hard. Maybe I do and I don't see it. But should that matter? Because I don't think I'm trying too hard. Sometimes I even think I don't try at all.

Anyway, what sparked up the inspiration to write this blog entry was an incident that re-occured yesterday. It started in 2nd Grade, when I wore this yellow bandana to school and my male classmates laughed at me (please note that I was in a provincial environment and people weren't really used to see others dress up and stuff). And then in 6th Grade, my classmates called me "The Christmas Tree" because I liked accessorizing my hair so much (yes, I was inspired by Jolina. I was a huge fan of hers and I'm not going to be ashamed of that). In high school, people started to appreciate that I liked to dress differently. Majority of the students voted for me as their "Trendsetter" and it was even published on the school paper. In College, there were a number of times where boys would point at me and laugh at my outfit. Some, you could say I was ashamed of. Sneakers paired with a floor-lengthed knitted skirt, what was I thinking? But I felt like wearing it that day. Oh, and how about my gold sling bag that some found funny-looking? Or that chiffon and silk top with pretty ruffled sleeves that they said made me look like I had feathers, even calling me "Mulawin"?

None of them stopped me from wearing what I wanted, from doing what I wanted. The only difference from then and now, is that I no longer sob about it. Maybe because Mama's no longer here, and she was the only one who assured me that I'm fine just the way I am. I still have my Dad, and Andrew, my siblings and cousins, and friends - people who don't really mind that I dress unusually.

Someone recently told me that I have the tendency to be "off" (see latest Formspring entry), and I guess she's right. I do like to do things out of the ordinary. I don't like looking prim and proper. If I do, there's something always odd about it. Its definitely why I get a few hypes on my Lookbook photos but who cares, right? It definitely used to bother me so much, but... I'm honestly blissed out that it doesn't matter now.

So, yesterday - I wore this to work.


Not meaning to sound racist, but a couple of white teenage boys were at the lobby and they srsly laughed so loud everytime I passed by. It should've made me feel bad, and intimidated. I mean, they're white. I proudly come from the Third World, and something like this should trigger my inner Bruce Banner, but it didn't. To be honest, I was initially embarrassed, but then I thought to myself, "its best to ignore them". And about the fourth time they saw me, it was like I wasn't even there. Paramore was right. Sometimes, ignorance could be your best friend.


Fashion-wise, I don't think you'd always see me looking all neat and polished and girly (maybe if I'd be blessed to be able to continue modeling when I get back to the Philippines, then I'm definitely up to looking the part), but when I'm my own stylist, I never really felt like trying to belong to the IT girls. Maybe its because I know I can never pull it off. I remember blogging in Tumblr about how I would always look gusgusin at the end of the day. Maybe its because I find it so tiring to be high-maintenance. I don't have the motivation to keep my hair in place and organize my bag - you know, stuff like that.

I'm grungy by nature. I'm different (as cliché as that sounds), and I like to try things, and I've embraced that.

God knows how much I wished I could look like those girls, who do it effortlessly. Neat, mukhang mabango and all that. But its not who I am, I guess.

Its why I look up to people like Agyness Deyn and Garovs - I know I'm nowhere similar to these girls but I adore the way they express themselves - its the same level of guts I'd like to achieve, srsly.

So. Maybe my wanting to have thick eyebrows doesn't really go with my face. Maybe I like to add pieces to my wardrobe that I shouldn't just so it could look perfect and pulled together, but I'm stubborn like that.

Fashion is the only thing that I have where I don't need to follow any rules but my own. Like I said, its an art form. Know where you stand, know who you are. That's the only way you can carry yourself with confidence. When people laugh, when people point at you, don't feel bad about yourself. Feel bad for them. They don't have the same feeling of freedom running in your veins.

People could be giving you constructive criticisms but you'd know when its "constructive" or its plain insulting.

You know what, if you're doing your thing and it makes you happy, and you're not hurting anyone or getting in the way of their business, then you're all good. Because nothing else should matter.

Its your face, its your body, its your life.

Embrace it. Love it. Make the most out of it. We're only young once and we certainly only have this life to live.

8 comments:

  1. Sorry but I cannot understand. Why are they laughing at you when you're looking so pretty?

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  2. i love this abbie! :) still think youre the coolest :)

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  3. haters to the left! lol. well i get the same thing too ate abbie. and at times all that's left for you to say is: I actually really dont care :) let them be! you are one of the most beautiful people i know inside and out :)

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  4. and oh! you remind me of a pants-wearing asian Cassie Ainsworth :)[major ~cool points haha]

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  5. Oh my! My sister would love those shoes! :)

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  6. I could not agree more, Abs. There's no one else to please but yourself. And I look up to you A LOT for that. :)

    P.S. I wore sneakers with floor-length skirts too. My classmates laughed at that outfit, too. In short, mahirap magbihis sa probinsya! :p

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  7. Well-written, Abbie. That is the attitude! And just consider all the laughing as a compliment. You stood out that's why they noticed. Btw, I like your outfit! I can't pull off such look so I salute you!

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