"One Bite, And All Your Dreams Will Come True..."

It was the 19th of February. Just like that, there was a rush of mixed emotions. God just kept wrapping His arms around me, that's one thing I knew for sure.

Its been about a week and two days since my laptop was stolen (the trunk of my Uncle's car was forced open at the back of a Jarir Bookstore on a Friday night), and I wouldn't say that I'm completely over it. Just recently my Husband noticed that I was quiet and bothered and all I ended up saying was, "I miss my laptop."

You must understand, for someone who's dreamed of having a Mac for the longest time, and finally having it - I wouldn't say that I'm way too materialistic but like I've mentioned in previous entries, that laptop meant a lot to me because it had a very strong connection of me and my Mom. I don't know if you'll ever understand where I'm coming from. But it was more than just a laptop to me. If it were a person, it would be my best friend, seeing me in my most down, and most triumphant moments in life.

And yes, talking about it makes me miss it more. Here I am again, my heart's broken pieces scattered on the floor, reminiscing days when we faced each other every single day, and almost every single minute. Can't help but blame myself again for one stupid decision but... I know that God already taught me a lesson here and that He's already done His part, that's for sure.

I just keep praying that if it never ends up in my arms again, that whoever has it will take care of it, and love it more than I did. Of course you've read this line before. Just felt the need to say it again.

With Proenza being gone, blogging became quite a challenge for me as well considering the fact that Andrew's laptop won't work without it's power cord plugged in, and I can't take it to work because it's huge, my office PC won't let me go through the Blogger website, and my schedule's changed, I barely get the time to sit down at home because our awesome God has called me to be used mightily in His ministry and I cannot and won't complain.

Andrew really did the best he could to comfort me, and I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with a husband like this. And not to mention, my Brother, who got Proenza for me, generously told me that I didn't need to pay him for Proenza - instead, to save up the money that was supposedly meant for it and he'd get me another laptop instead.

How amazing is that? It also explains why I screencapped that photo on the Apple website.

I'm not losing hope of finding Proenza yet, but I'll just patiently wait for God's signal. I'll just do whatever God tells me. I just pray really hard for the best. Pray for me too?


Hebrews 13:5

*late post / entry typed on the 20th of February

At times like these I know I should be feeling something else. Severe depression - after everything that's happened in my life in a span of 4 years. Relationship issues in the past with my then boyfriend, now Husband, Andrew in 2008. Having my heart broken in 2009, Losing my Mom in 2010. Losing my laptop to theft in 2011, which was 2 days ago, by the way.

Petty, normal, usual to some. I'm sure there are far worse that others have gone through, but each one has his/her own path and we all face different challenges. For me to judge that their problem is petty is quite rude. But I won't deny that I sometimes judge people for being so superficial when they make such a huge fuss of thinking what to wear to a party. I guess I'm not alone in that. Sorry, I'm not being all self-righteous but I guess you're feeling me a bit.

Some people might think these things would never happen to someone who is trying their best to keep a close relationship with their Creator.

I was brushing my teeth at work today when it dawned on me that believers are never really exempted with trials.

People go through the most unbelievable situations sometimes - but the difference is, people who try hardest to hold on to their faith end up feeling the kind of comfort that no one else could give. We are blessed to be surrounded by people who God has gifted us with, people who makes His love and glory so apparent, to a point that when they hug us, we feel like God is comforting us himself.

Its amazing how God works in our lives, you know? I'm trying to ask myself if I'm just in self-denial. But actually there's also a lot of self-help going on. Especially prayers. A part of me is saying I should grieve and blame myself, because I was partly at fault. Everything happens for a reason but its not like God wanted this to happen to me. He let it happen anyway because He wanted to teach me a lesson. Besides, I'm very sure God has already performed miracles at this point and His mercy and love for me (and for you) is once again apparent.

You know, if you give yourself a chance to see God's love for you, you will be amazed. We were given the free will to do things, which is why you can say we are partly responsible with the things happening to us. You can't blame it all on God. You can't ALWAYS rely on God to do things for you because you have to work hard as well to keep your faith. You have to meet your creator halfway. God already gave His son for us, its not like He has to come down from Heaven dressed in a suit and cape to match to rescue us from all these evil things.

What was God trying to tell me? Well, a lot of things. Now that He gifted me with a phone I can carry around in a bag that would be with me at ALL times, which is convenient because I can surf the net and play games with it, I should leave my laptop at home to avoid another situation like this. Second, it was to know the real value of the blessings He has showered me with. Third, and most importantly - He taught me how to rejoice in His name AT ALL TIMES, even in grief.

I was really affected, and I won't deny that. I barely slept in the past two days, barely ate, and I was depressed. I won't say that I don't miss my laptop or that I have fully recovered (I stop myself from thinking about the moment I found out it was gone, I seriously expected Ashton Kutcher to spring out of nowhere), what I'm saying is, in His own amazing, and quite clever ways - God always makes things easy for you. Just let Him show you how.

Its not easy, actually. I have so many memories with that laptop. One, was that my Mom had to bug my brother repeatedly to get it for me. In fact, I haven't even started paying him yet (yup, it was stolen from me and I haven't paid my brother for it yet). Then there's the part where right after taking it from the box, I handed it to her and she placed it on her lap, I watched her smoothly gliding her hands across the aluminum body and then we smiled at each other. And how can I forget - my Apple ID is a photo of me and her. I'm not sure if I'll still get it back, or if I'll be blessed with a new one, but whatever happens, and if my baby Proenza doesn't find its way back in my hands, I just pray that whoever it ends up with, will love it and care for it as much as I did, even more. If the person who stole it from me does not harm me in any way, and just did it out of poverty, then I pray that the money they get out of what they did will help them. I just pray for the best for everyone. And I pray that God touches their hearts, that they find better ways to earn money, and not hurt other people by stealing valuable items. I pray that it stops now. And I pray that I can fully recover and move on from this, without worrying so much.

I'm not gonna say "I'll miss my Proenza", because who knows, God could make that kind of miracle happen for me. I'm not expecting, I'm hoping - but I'm leaving the rest to our ever-knowing God.


I hate you, Jarir Bookstore

You used to be my happy place. I know it was a stupid thing for me to leave my laptop in the car's trunk but it never really occurred to me that something like this could happen.

I'm actually speechless. NO ONE DID ANYTHING. No one tried to assist us, some of the staff even took it lightly, like it wasn't a big deal. AND TO HEAR THAT IT WAS THE THIRD TIME TO HAPPEN? NO CCTV CAMERAS BEHIND THE BUILDING AND NO SECURITY GUARDS ROAMING ABOUT?


Yeah, I understand that its outside the bookstore's premises, but ITS YOUR PARKING LOT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! You're supposed to do something at least!

I really hate you guys now. I REALLY DO.

Please pray for me and my laptop. Please. I need prayers right now because I'm about to go nuts. I do pray and know that at this very moment, from the hour they professionally broke in the car and the car's trunk, God is doing something great. BECAUSE HE IS BIGGER AND STRONGER THAN ALL THE EVIL-DOERS COMBINED! Miracles are happening right now and I claim it!

GOD IS DOING SOMETHING RIGHT NOW AND I CLAIM IT. Nothing is impossible with God. NOTHING! I know the devil is trying to distract us from the many things we are committed with and with everything that's happened to me, YOU THINK I'LL TURN AGAINST GOD? NEVER! He will never leave me and everything that happens according to His will is for the best.


Because He is with me. NOW WHO CAN GO AGAINST ME?

NEVER LEAVE YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS UNATTENDED ANYWHERE. I have so many regrets at this point but I know entertaining them won't do me any good. I'm sort of on the brink of losing my sanity and I am very restless and helpless. I can't sleep and I feel like the other half of me is pacing around the room and biting my nails.

Prayers for me, please. Prayers for the people who stole my laptop. Whatever it is, however it happens, I just want my Proenza back. The first person to have ever held it was my Mom.




I've no photos of the phone itself, I was so excited when I got it. My Dad and Husband hurdled around me like little children on Christmas Day. It was a cute moment.

Months before I ended up buying the phone, I started to buy and download apps from iTunes. My friend Jayson calls it faith.

Anyway, here are a few samples. You can say that 60% of why I wanted an iPhone 4 was because of the apps. Yes, I know that other Android phones offer the same apps, but... GAAH TOO AWESOME.

So much is going on, really - but I thank God for the blessings and the trials He's been making me deal with for the past few weeks : Facing the seemingly never-ending issues with my self-confidence and self-worth in all aspects.

Meh. Drama, drama, drama.

SO HOW WAS YOUR VDAY? Andrew and I made no plans whatsoever. But later that day, he slipped a sweet comment on my Facebook wall asking me out. HOW ADORBZ. He treated us (me and my Dad, my other Valentine of course) to the nearest Pizza Hut branch (which was a 5 minute walk from our flat, just like almost everything else : Krispy Kreme, the several Malls and Flea Markets) and we had a blast. We talked about our plans for the next 2 years and Mama, mostly. I knew she was with us, like she always is.

Anyway, I just pray that everyone's having a fab week. If you're on What's App and Kik, leave me your usernames (for Kik) and DM/PM me your numbers (for What's App) so I can add you guys! Also, if your link isn't on my Reads yet, please give me your URLs as well, I've to update.

God bless the internet. God bless, you guys!


My Prayers Were Answered Too

My Mom, early 80s with her teddy bear named "ALEONET", which was
the name of our Video Rental Shop back in Palawan, a combination
of her and Pops' names.

When people find out about my Mom's passing, its sort of safe to assume that their first thought would be, "That probably is one prayer God didn't answer".

If you were one of them, then I feel sorry for you. Assuming that you don't know what happened with my Mom, assuming you didn't see her struggle, and how she fought the disease, I guess I can't blame you, but I think it also shows how you tend to focus on the negative side of things.

My Mom was the type who ALWAYS looked on the bright side, no matter what happens, no matter what happened.

Just recently, by coincidence, I saw an old friend of Mama's, and upon realizing who I was, instantly shifted to her "pity face" and said "She was so young". Based on her reaction (not that I'm assuming, it was just apparent), her words also meant "What a waste".

Sure, my Mom was only 51 when she went with God, but looking at it positively, its always the best ones that go first. Did you not think that I already knew that, that my Mom could've done so much more, especially raising her grandchildren (which I believe I've looked forward to since my menstrual cycle began, and no, not in that sense you crazy person), and was also my way of making her fight harder, whispering to her, "Ma you're still gonna help me raise my babies".

Obviously, that was not God's will. Did I hate God for that? No. NEVER.

Me and Mama, early 90s, in our house in Palawan.

But does that mean that God didn't answer my prayer? No. Because He did. Just in a different way.

A few weeks back, I was assigned to exhort for the weekly Prayer Meeting. God revealed His message to me, which was "Praying for God's will". I referenced on several verses as my introduction, Matthew 7:7-11, which I know we are all familiar with, Mark 11:24, Romans 8:28...And then there was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 which says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Remember when Jesus was about to be crucified? He went to Gethsemane, and prayed to God : In Luke 22:42, Jesus uttered the following words : "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but Yours, be done".

Even Jesus prayed for His life, that He would not go through what God had planned for Him for us to be saved. But in the end, the ever humble Jesus remained the same : lifting everything up to Him, no matter how hard it was.

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

The message is simple : GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. All secret things belong to God, so for us to try to understand why we go through things, well sometimes God gives us the answers, but some things we never fully understand, but we accept. For we know in the end, in the end of all this - its for the best.

No one could imagine the pain that God felt seeing His son tortured, humiliated, and crucified, paying for sins He did not commit.

And this is why I can never blame God. Because I know that God, that Jesus Christ KNOWS my pain - for They have felt it too. God humbly sent His son onto the world in the form of a man. We read about His life, and we see it in movies, and yet we forget the main core and moral of the story : It's that Jesus Christ was also a son of man. He felt the things we feel. The pain, the hunger, the suffering. He prayed for Him to be pardoned of God's will for Him, but in the end...God's ultimate plan for the rest of us prevailed. And it was for the best.

A very pimply me and Mama at the Condo, whose right eye I just smudgeysmudged.

My family and I, along with my friends, we prayed for a miracle. We prayed for the disease to disappear miraculously, just like some of the stories we read and watch and hear about. I've longed for Mama to be one of those blessed people, standing in the pulpit, tearing up and testifying of God's goodness and greatness.

It didn't happen. God took her, almost a year ago. So I stood in the Pulpit. So my Father stood in the Pulpit. AND WE TESTIFIED OF GOD'S GOODNESS AND GREATNESS IN OUR LIVES. It wasn't easy to do, I mean we were broken in front of God. But for me to explain to you just how amazing His comfort is for us, I'm breaking down right now as I type this.

Yes, God took away my Mother. Apart from Him, and the rest of my family, she was also my ultimate source of strength. She was more than a Mother. She was everything to me. She was everything to us. And for us to lose her? I could've killed myself. But I had a seed of Faith planted in me by my parents. It took time to grow, it still is. But knowing that its in me? I will be forever grateful for that.

Mama on the day of our wedding, thanks to my friend Aevan Caro
for capturing this moment.

Yes, we did receive our miracle. My Mom lived a year and three months longer, a huge difference to the "15% chance of survival", which was according to her Oncologist. We prayed for a longer life. God gave us that. My mother saw me marry. My mother saw me and my siblings and Father live under one roof again after a decade.

My Mama, still the most beautiful woman alive after losing
so much weight, t
aken on the 12th of April 2010.
(Papa and I took her out
on a date in Market!Market!)
The next day would be the last for me to see her.

May 2010, a very haggard me holding Mama's urn for the first time,
minutes after the cremation

I miss her everyday. But I know that God wraps His arms around me whenever I feel sad, and He gives me a kind of comfort that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD can give. He also blessed me with an amazing Father and Husband to physically wrap their arms around me when I need it most.

I do understand your sympathy. But don't feel sorry for her, saying she could've lived longer, saying she could've done a lot of things, which is true, I know. And I hate it when women her age hears her story and thinks to themselves "Thank God that's not me", because if you realize where she is now, wouldn't you feel a bit jealous? She is with God, worshiping Him before His Holy presence. Feeling no pain, no sadness, no suffering. No more worldly curses and trials and all that. Just pure, indescribable bliss. She is done. She has passed the test with flying, blinding colors.

Please don't get me wrong though : If God answered your prayer and blessed you with the exact plead you laid down before Him (and maybe more), then I'm really happy for you. I will keep praying for you, that God continues to bless you and your loved ones with a longer, and healthier, sick-free life. But please know that just because God didn't answer my prayers (the way I wanted), doesn't mean He didn't answer my prayers at all.

Our God is amazing, great and mysterious I tell You. And no matter how many times I say it, no matter how long this entry is, it will never be enough.

I love you, Lord. God bless you guys.


I am a Snot Factory

Here are a few fun things that happened since my last entry :

1.) I got promoted. Well, sort of. I can't really say that the position is mine 'cos I'm still the Executive Assistant to the Manager. But they're also making me handle the Events for the Village and I am psyched. Also a bit scared because them peoplez got them god complexes which is always a challenge but I know that God is definitely with me on this, and He's also blessed me with super awesome co-workers who are actually my bestest friends. Besides, Chris Tomlin did say "If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us", din't he?

I love my grey nail polish! That's me pointing my Rudoplh Nose.
The natural light didn't make it so obvious.

2.) For the past three days I turned into the ultimate snot factory. See, it all started after I broke my fast and immediately started on a mouth-watering, cold cup of Mirinda Citrus. Yeah, it was all fine but the next day it was a different story. My throat felt like it was baking pizza or something. I've never felt my throat burn that much! Thanks to my bestfriend who gave me this really awesome, all natural Ginger Powder that I ended up drinking about twice and voila, the next day... I still had fever (ha!) but I felt so much better, still had to stay at home though because I didn't want to feel worse, so I ended up watching all these movies from the night before.

3.) Yeah, I saw 9 movies : Freakonomics, The Tourist, The King's Speech, Its Kind of a Funny Story, Same Same But Different, Enter the Void, Cinderella, Serbis and Despicable Me for the past two days. Before I got sick, I also saw Valentine's Day and liked it! How can you not love Taylor Swift, she's so funny.

So now I'm all sniffly and red nosed, walking around the office, filling up the bins with TPs. Gah.

By the way, I'm getting all crazy from MAC's latest collection which I've seen yesterday :

Tempting. The other half of ABBIZZA promised me something! Girl, if j00 reading this, help me get me hands on them bebes! Ha! Actually I tried making a few phone calls to several MAC branches a few hours ago and they've only just launched their Mickey Contractor Collection (as I've mentioned in my previous post) so no word yet if the Wonder Woman Collection will be available soon.

I've been looking for the perfect blue mascara for ages.

Drat. I didn't bring anything for lunch today and it'll freakin' cost me about PHP400 for my favorite Seafood Chowder Soup which isn't enough! ... Did I hear someone say McDo?


Let's Talk About Something Else

My friend, and Birthday Girl Honey "Hotney" Andrade featured me on her blog a day before her b-day, the 31st of January.

I also like that she focused on other things aside from Fashion (which I am passionate about, but the questions she asked), and it made me reflect on my life the past few months...the past year, actually.

God-related entries aren't very much appreciated by people but I do love to talk about God and how He manifests in my life, and I thank Hotney for giving me the chance to do that out of my blog as well. She has a lot of blog readers and they interact with her so much, which is why I know that other girls would read it and probably think of how great God is, like an additional reminder.
Read the entire feature here.

Thank you so much, Hotney. And I do pray that God blesses you with so much more knowing that you are given the gift and the opportunity to relate to other people over the world. God Bless you girl, wishing you a blessed and awesome year ahead!