Hebrews 13:5

*late post / entry typed on the 20th of February

At times like these I know I should be feeling something else. Severe depression - after everything that's happened in my life in a span of 4 years. Relationship issues in the past with my then boyfriend, now Husband, Andrew in 2008. Having my heart broken in 2009, Losing my Mom in 2010. Losing my laptop to theft in 2011, which was 2 days ago, by the way.

Petty, normal, usual to some. I'm sure there are far worse that others have gone through, but each one has his/her own path and we all face different challenges. For me to judge that their problem is petty is quite rude. But I won't deny that I sometimes judge people for being so superficial when they make such a huge fuss of thinking what to wear to a party. I guess I'm not alone in that. Sorry, I'm not being all self-righteous but I guess you're feeling me a bit.

Some people might think these things would never happen to someone who is trying their best to keep a close relationship with their Creator.

I was brushing my teeth at work today when it dawned on me that believers are never really exempted with trials.

People go through the most unbelievable situations sometimes - but the difference is, people who try hardest to hold on to their faith end up feeling the kind of comfort that no one else could give. We are blessed to be surrounded by people who God has gifted us with, people who makes His love and glory so apparent, to a point that when they hug us, we feel like God is comforting us himself.

Its amazing how God works in our lives, you know? I'm trying to ask myself if I'm just in self-denial. But actually there's also a lot of self-help going on. Especially prayers. A part of me is saying I should grieve and blame myself, because I was partly at fault. Everything happens for a reason but its not like God wanted this to happen to me. He let it happen anyway because He wanted to teach me a lesson. Besides, I'm very sure God has already performed miracles at this point and His mercy and love for me (and for you) is once again apparent.

You know, if you give yourself a chance to see God's love for you, you will be amazed. We were given the free will to do things, which is why you can say we are partly responsible with the things happening to us. You can't blame it all on God. You can't ALWAYS rely on God to do things for you because you have to work hard as well to keep your faith. You have to meet your creator halfway. God already gave His son for us, its not like He has to come down from Heaven dressed in a suit and cape to match to rescue us from all these evil things.

What was God trying to tell me? Well, a lot of things. Now that He gifted me with a phone I can carry around in a bag that would be with me at ALL times, which is convenient because I can surf the net and play games with it, I should leave my laptop at home to avoid another situation like this. Second, it was to know the real value of the blessings He has showered me with. Third, and most importantly - He taught me how to rejoice in His name AT ALL TIMES, even in grief.

I was really affected, and I won't deny that. I barely slept in the past two days, barely ate, and I was depressed. I won't say that I don't miss my laptop or that I have fully recovered (I stop myself from thinking about the moment I found out it was gone, I seriously expected Ashton Kutcher to spring out of nowhere), what I'm saying is, in His own amazing, and quite clever ways - God always makes things easy for you. Just let Him show you how.

Its not easy, actually. I have so many memories with that laptop. One, was that my Mom had to bug my brother repeatedly to get it for me. In fact, I haven't even started paying him yet (yup, it was stolen from me and I haven't paid my brother for it yet). Then there's the part where right after taking it from the box, I handed it to her and she placed it on her lap, I watched her smoothly gliding her hands across the aluminum body and then we smiled at each other. And how can I forget - my Apple ID is a photo of me and her. I'm not sure if I'll still get it back, or if I'll be blessed with a new one, but whatever happens, and if my baby Proenza doesn't find its way back in my hands, I just pray that whoever it ends up with, will love it and care for it as much as I did, even more. If the person who stole it from me does not harm me in any way, and just did it out of poverty, then I pray that the money they get out of what they did will help them. I just pray for the best for everyone. And I pray that God touches their hearts, that they find better ways to earn money, and not hurt other people by stealing valuable items. I pray that it stops now. And I pray that I can fully recover and move on from this, without worrying so much.

I'm not gonna say "I'll miss my Proenza", because who knows, God could make that kind of miracle happen for me. I'm not expecting, I'm hoping - but I'm leaving the rest to our ever-knowing God.

1 comment:

  1. This was an amazing read. God's plan is always perfect! MayHe bless you ten-folds for all your losses! =)