My Prayers Were Answered Too

My Mom, early 80s with her teddy bear named "ALEONET", which was
the name of our Video Rental Shop back in Palawan, a combination
of her and Pops' names.

When people find out about my Mom's passing, its sort of safe to assume that their first thought would be, "That probably is one prayer God didn't answer".

If you were one of them, then I feel sorry for you. Assuming that you don't know what happened with my Mom, assuming you didn't see her struggle, and how she fought the disease, I guess I can't blame you, but I think it also shows how you tend to focus on the negative side of things.

My Mom was the type who ALWAYS looked on the bright side, no matter what happens, no matter what happened.

Just recently, by coincidence, I saw an old friend of Mama's, and upon realizing who I was, instantly shifted to her "pity face" and said "She was so young". Based on her reaction (not that I'm assuming, it was just apparent), her words also meant "What a waste".

Sure, my Mom was only 51 when she went with God, but looking at it positively, its always the best ones that go first. Did you not think that I already knew that, that my Mom could've done so much more, especially raising her grandchildren (which I believe I've looked forward to since my menstrual cycle began, and no, not in that sense you crazy person), and was also my way of making her fight harder, whispering to her, "Ma you're still gonna help me raise my babies".

Obviously, that was not God's will. Did I hate God for that? No. NEVER.

Me and Mama, early 90s, in our house in Palawan.

But does that mean that God didn't answer my prayer? No. Because He did. Just in a different way.

A few weeks back, I was assigned to exhort for the weekly Prayer Meeting. God revealed His message to me, which was "Praying for God's will". I referenced on several verses as my introduction, Matthew 7:7-11, which I know we are all familiar with, Mark 11:24, Romans 8:28...And then there was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 which says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Remember when Jesus was about to be crucified? He went to Gethsemane, and prayed to God : In Luke 22:42, Jesus uttered the following words : "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but Yours, be done".

Even Jesus prayed for His life, that He would not go through what God had planned for Him for us to be saved. But in the end, the ever humble Jesus remained the same : lifting everything up to Him, no matter how hard it was.

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

The message is simple : GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. All secret things belong to God, so for us to try to understand why we go through things, well sometimes God gives us the answers, but some things we never fully understand, but we accept. For we know in the end, in the end of all this - its for the best.

No one could imagine the pain that God felt seeing His son tortured, humiliated, and crucified, paying for sins He did not commit.

And this is why I can never blame God. Because I know that God, that Jesus Christ KNOWS my pain - for They have felt it too. God humbly sent His son onto the world in the form of a man. We read about His life, and we see it in movies, and yet we forget the main core and moral of the story : It's that Jesus Christ was also a son of man. He felt the things we feel. The pain, the hunger, the suffering. He prayed for Him to be pardoned of God's will for Him, but in the end...God's ultimate plan for the rest of us prevailed. And it was for the best.

A very pimply me and Mama at the Condo, whose right eye I just smudgeysmudged.

My family and I, along with my friends, we prayed for a miracle. We prayed for the disease to disappear miraculously, just like some of the stories we read and watch and hear about. I've longed for Mama to be one of those blessed people, standing in the pulpit, tearing up and testifying of God's goodness and greatness.

It didn't happen. God took her, almost a year ago. So I stood in the Pulpit. So my Father stood in the Pulpit. AND WE TESTIFIED OF GOD'S GOODNESS AND GREATNESS IN OUR LIVES. It wasn't easy to do, I mean we were broken in front of God. But for me to explain to you just how amazing His comfort is for us, I'm breaking down right now as I type this.

Yes, God took away my Mother. Apart from Him, and the rest of my family, she was also my ultimate source of strength. She was more than a Mother. She was everything to me. She was everything to us. And for us to lose her? I could've killed myself. But I had a seed of Faith planted in me by my parents. It took time to grow, it still is. But knowing that its in me? I will be forever grateful for that.

Mama on the day of our wedding, thanks to my friend Aevan Caro
for capturing this moment.

Yes, we did receive our miracle. My Mom lived a year and three months longer, a huge difference to the "15% chance of survival", which was according to her Oncologist. We prayed for a longer life. God gave us that. My mother saw me marry. My mother saw me and my siblings and Father live under one roof again after a decade.

My Mama, still the most beautiful woman alive after losing
so much weight, t
aken on the 12th of April 2010.
(Papa and I took her out
on a date in Market!Market!)
The next day would be the last for me to see her.

May 2010, a very haggard me holding Mama's urn for the first time,
minutes after the cremation

I miss her everyday. But I know that God wraps His arms around me whenever I feel sad, and He gives me a kind of comfort that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD can give. He also blessed me with an amazing Father and Husband to physically wrap their arms around me when I need it most.

I do understand your sympathy. But don't feel sorry for her, saying she could've lived longer, saying she could've done a lot of things, which is true, I know. And I hate it when women her age hears her story and thinks to themselves "Thank God that's not me", because if you realize where she is now, wouldn't you feel a bit jealous? She is with God, worshiping Him before His Holy presence. Feeling no pain, no sadness, no suffering. No more worldly curses and trials and all that. Just pure, indescribable bliss. She is done. She has passed the test with flying, blinding colors.

Please don't get me wrong though : If God answered your prayer and blessed you with the exact plead you laid down before Him (and maybe more), then I'm really happy for you. I will keep praying for you, that God continues to bless you and your loved ones with a longer, and healthier, sick-free life. But please know that just because God didn't answer my prayers (the way I wanted), doesn't mean He didn't answer my prayers at all.

Our God is amazing, great and mysterious I tell You. And no matter how many times I say it, no matter how long this entry is, it will never be enough.

I love you, Lord. God bless you guys.


  1. This gave me tears. Not the negative one. The filled with love one :) I'm so happy for you, abbie. It's a hard struggle, but you lifted it all to God and remained faithful.

  2. I'm so glad you were blessed Avalove :') God loves us all. He really does. And I love YOU, girl! :)

  3. awww abbie... *hugs* naluha rin ako dito. it's good to hear that you are doing better now. stay strong as always ha?! >:D< im sure wherever she is.. she's happy and really proud of you. :)

  4. This is truly amazing, and I am every so happy that you're taking it in as a positive. Keep faithful as you are doing lovely! <3

  5. This post moved me to tears. You are such a brave young lady!


  6. Abbie.. :-) I've admired you ever since I saw you in Seventeen Mag model search. I admired you even more when we became friends on Multiply. You're not just a pretty face. You're beautiful inside and out. I admire your relationship with your Mom. Thank you for always inspiring me -- in fashion, blogging and in life in general. :-)

  7. hello, this is moving.. :) You're a very strong woman, emotionally and spiritually.

  8. aww.. this is such a heartfelt entry abs.. :'( your mom must be super proud of you. you're truly an inspiration!

  9. Good you see it that way :)
    There's nothing wrong in being sad, but be sad but possitive. THere really is a reason for everything, God has plans :)

  10. You're so brave! This is so moving. God bless you!

  11. This was one of the MOST moving posts I have read. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I am ashamed to say that I am not religious at all. I do question whether if there's a Higher Power out there. I guess you could say I'm on shaky grounds and am unstable when it comes to this realm of thinking. I am envious of ppl like you who have such a strong foundation with God and the Church. I can only hope one day I see clearly and bring myself closer to God. Your mother is in a better place. Even though she may not be here on Earth any longer, she leaves her legacy on through you. And from what I can see, she did a fine job in raising you :)

  12. I've just read all your comments and crying right now. This is so sweet of you all to say :') God bless each one of you, we all may not have known each other personally, or for a very long time but please do know, from my heart, I pray for each one of you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    Thank you.