I'm with Jesus


Don't get me wrong. This isn't where I'm going all self-righteous on you. Just thought I'd express my thoughts and feelings whenever people peg Spiritual (not religious, there is a difference) people as "Baduy", and that's just among others.


I don't think I can blame my friends and other people as well for thinking that way. Most people who practice the same faith as I am have been misunderstood countless of times. Probably because they turn out to be really self-righteous. And I won't be a hypocrite to say that I have those urges too at times, which would be totally wrong because my slate isn't perfectly clean and I've no right to judge anyone or whatever.

Here's the thing. As some of you know, I was once "living the dream", and I knew I was going places. I knew it in my heart that it was a passion I was wanted to pursue. And words aren't enough for me to describe how it felt to be doing what I loved most.

I temporarily left all that behind (using the word "temporarily" because I do intend to go back to modeling when I settle back in the Philippines, I believe I'm never too old to still continue fulfilling my dreams), to help my parents, and now - keep a promise that my Mom asked of us. I'm happily married, working abroad... Thank God my life is stable. God provides us with exactly what we need, and I am content. I know I could have more, but I am content. And no, I am not 'settling' because I'm at a point in my life where I know that I would be able to do other things later, because I've got priorities. I'm not exactly given the luxury to slack off, and I'm not one to complain (as I always say).

Getting back to the subject, a few of my friends have told me that they noticed how much I've changed over the year. Some of them expressing how my Christian friends have 'affected' me (and not in a good way), saying that my 'dependence on God' was making me weak, and it was unhealthy.

I'm still dumbfounded as I type this.

First of all, I won't really take it against anyone who doesn't believe in the same things I do. I'm not here to point fingers and say who's going to burn in hell. I have friends and best friends who have different beliefs - I even have bestfriends who are atheists. Honestly, I have wished and prayed that we had the same beliefs. But I told myself that I wasn't going to push them to anything.

For most of my friends who acknowledge God in their lives (no matter what religion), I see that they became stronger, God-fearing people because of it, and I respect them for that. My parents always said, no matter what faith they practice - if God is manifesting in their lives, then good for them. Pop always preaches, "If this is where they grow, then let them be. No religion teaches wrong." And this is true. Its not the religion, really. Its the person.

My friends back home are still pursuing their passion, and I couldn't be any more proud of them for that. I won't deny that I feel a little jealous sometimes because I do miss modeling, I miss receiving texts from Stylists, booking me for a shoot. I can't wait to get back to that life.

While they're blessed doing what we've always wanted, I'm all the way here - but I'm blessed too. God is giving me so much as well. In a totally different aspect, but just as awesome. God has chosen me to be a part of something that could bring Him glory - the one He's been wanting His children to give, the only thing He wants is for us to love Him, and for us to show Him that.

Maybe I have changed. But don't get me wrong - I'm still the same person. I still eat dessert before the main course, I still listen to indie music, I still like songs with really gnarly lyrics, I still watch profane, twisted films (my recent favorite is Gaspar Noé's "Enter the Void") I still laugh to Barney Stinson's inappropriate banters, and at Sheldon Cooper playfully insulting his mom for being so religious. My friends and I still throw green jokes at each other, but of course not around my churchmates or else that'll be really disrespectful. If there's one thing I don't do anymore - that'll be cussing.

And I still dream of becoming a model again.
Do you see what I'm trying to get at?

I tried to explain it in this entry but I guess some things aren't meant to be said. I'll just have to keep it to myself, but I will say this : Being with Jesus will always be awesome.

I'd better leave it at that. God Bless you guys!


2 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this part:
    No matter what faith they practice - if God is manifesting in their lives, then good for them.

    Lovely entry. <3

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  2. I was back-reading through your posts since I have a habit of rather going through my favorite blogs once a week(s)/month instead of the daily check type of thing and well this hands down made me overjoyed. :D

    I have seen your growth dear. It's been evident with how you write and express yourself, and well one sentence sums it up, "Praise and glory to God!" You have no idea how it makes me glad to see a fellow sister in Christ proud enough to say she is in love with Jesus & not being ashamed of it at all plus being a fashionista. With the world/generation we live in, there's always the back-bitings, the side comments and what-nots but then that's why life is so much more beautiful in a way. It lets us hold on more to God. :)

    God has a special purpose and plan for each one of us. And along that plan of His, there is always growth. Continue to grow with the Lord dear and may His glory shine through. You are such an amazing example of a beautiful daughter of Christ! :D

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