More than just an Air Supply Hit


In love, its true when they say that "The First Cut is the Deepest". But I got to thinking how, regardless of the number of scars, deep or not, when it comes to love - it always hurts.

Putting aside of the length of time you've been together, you can be in love with someone for a week and it would mean more than a past lover who you've been with for years. It always comes down to the depth of your relationship. How much love you shared with each other, how much passion you had, and all these fuzzy, warm feelings in your gut, that will always be there even years after your separation from each other.

I may have ended up with Andrew after being broken up with him for about 8 months in late 2007, but the process is no different. The drama I had to go through wasn't new to one's ear. Unfortunately I was one of the many. But the thing is, no matter how similar our stories are, the way we feel isn't the same, if there's one thing we have in common, its that our pain can never be put into words.

Betrayal, disbelief, unable to accept that you're going through situations you'd thought would never happen to you, it takes time before you take it all in. And then you think to yourself, "so this is what its like", and then you think, "this is just like in the movies, but nothing like it at all." I have tons of those moments in my life.

But there's something refreshing about being heartbroken. I went through a phase when I would do everything that I could to regain my self-esteem, to pick up the pieces. Just like you, my first resort was talking to my Mom (at the time, even my Dad didn't hesitate to join in all the latest news I had to share about my heartbreak, and would immediately counter me with a corresponding verse in the Bible, which was and is always comforting). Then I spent my month's savings in a 2 day shopping spree at Topshop and River Island, where my Mom didn't find it in herself to object whatsoever. I mean, imagine your very heartbroken daughter lying next to you in bed, almost mute for about two days, and then suddenly comes up with five things to say, "Ma, let's go to Topshop". Wouldn't you oblige? Man, she even helped me damage the place. I'd never forget when we've already paid and she'd spot something and call me out to say "How about this?", and it didn't just happen once. Talk about supportive.
We even got ourselves several matching tops. She's the best shopping partner. EVER.

Countless of days I'd stare at myself in the mirror, analyzing myself, not just literally 'reflecting' on who I am - and then I'd try what KC Concepcion said she religiously does , chanting the words that somewhat goes like, "I am beautiful and this is going to be an amazing day!" I added a little something something as well : "You're absolutely gonna regret this". It sounds pathetic saying it now but it built up so much self-confidence back then.

And most importantly, I learned how to cry out to God. Locking myself up in the pantry, headphones on, listening to Hillsong Albums while having lunch, which almost always end up tasting weird due to the saltwater dripping down my face and to my plate.

No one is deprived of being heartbroken. Its a part of life that we must accept. But take advantage of the time that you now have for yourself. Surely, just like me - you've lost yourself with everything you've invested, and how you always see things in twos when you were with your lover. But now there's just you.

Its sad, but its exciting. The unknown seduces you into hoping for the best that's yet to come. Because everyone will have a happy ending if you don't resort to rebelling against everything that's happened. You know what they say, "Life is beautiful, but even roses have thorns". True story.

I have a couple of friends who has just entered Single Town again. But instead of being sad for them (in which I partly am because I know how it feels), I mostly feel psyched. One day soon, they'll be finding the people that God made just for them, and He will bring them together, although nothing will be easy (its not supposed to), they will find comfort in each other through the rough times, balancing everything with the irony of having such a hard time being with them but at the same time, enjoying it.

God gives us so much hope in the world through the lives of others. I'm sure we're not the only ones who has gone through this, all you can do at the moment is pray, work on your relationship with God and yourself (you've definitely got to know your worth), and the rest will follow.


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