An Open Letter to our Angel

Dear Tita Elsa,

I remember the first day I met your Daughter. I remember she had a hat on, a black vest, a white top, black pants and one of those sneakers she loved most. I remember her being the first person who really spoke to me, and made me feel that this place could be considered home. She shared her lunch with me that day, and we conversed about our lives, and she made me feel like we’ve known each other years before.

We hail from two different countries but nothing became a barrier for us to establish the kind of friendship that we have today.
You know Tita, your daughter and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye. We had countless of petty fights. There were days when we didn’t like each other. But every time the storm passes, we’ve grown to be patient, we’ve both learned our differences, and even if we still fight sometimes, we know how to handle the situation. Its funny though, because my husband could attest to how affected I am when we fight. And I’m sure her sisters are witnesses to her side as well. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who really, sincerely, genuinely cared about me as a friend – until her. We treat each other as Sisters. I know that I can't be the same person that she is to me. She always puts me first before herself. Its not everyday that you find someone like her. And I know she is someone to be valued because of her rare traits.

I think you’ve noticed that this letter, although addressed to you, says a lot of things about your Daughter. I had the privilege of meeting you a couple of times, and I regret not having the time to sit down with you for a chat. But I know this, from what I’ve heard and based on the days I’ve seen you, exchanged smiles and shook hands, I know you are a woman who possesses a pure heart – the best ones. It’s the same one my Mom had, and always will have.

When Nof called me that dreadful Friday, I froze in my seat. I panicked. I remember when my Mom died a year ago...also on a Friday. How Nof was the first person I called. I tried to remember the right words to tell her when I was in her place. And then I remembered that there were no right words. There was nothing I could do at that moment, but pray. But she was frantic. She was mad, sad, she wasn't herself at all. Hearing her broke my heart so much, I felt immobile. Her voice, words, her pain echoed in my head the entire day, and the days after that.

I wanted to see her that day, Tita. The day after that, and then I got sick, and finally, on the fourth day - my Husband and I walked to your house. I was talking to myself on our way. I was nervous, I tried to fight it off, convincing myself that I should be strong for Nof. I felt so heavy when I didn't see her, days before that.

You know, when Mama passed, I felt even more love towards my siblings (if that's even possible, because I love them with everything I have), because, as I told them : I didn't need to just look at the mirror everytime I miss her, but I look at them, and I see my Mom in them. We are left with Six Elsas, as your nephew told Nof. I feel the exact same way.

We saw this Butterfly on Tuesday and it stayed in
Nof's office for a really long time.

I said all these things about your Daughter because…she is a reflection of you. I am so glad that I’ve been blessed with the honor to meet her because she is one of a kind. Special indeed. And seeing the way she is, already says a lot about you. I always said that even if my Mom lived to a hundred, the number of days she existed in the world will just NEVER BE ENOUGH. And I am so sure that your children feel the exact same way.

You know what, Tita? I would share my heartbreak with your Daughter about losing my Mom, and even when she couldn't relate then, she would cry with me and sympathize. I didn't want to feel alone, like no one understood me - but the last thing I wanted was for her to go through the same thing I did, and still am.

But I am thankful that God brought us together. The paths we are on isn't easy. To fill in a Mother's shoe is never easy. But we serve a great God and I know he brought me and Nof each other because aside from Him, and the families we are blessed to have, Nof and I will be each others' wall. I know at most times, I am not very good in expressing myself verbally, but I will try as much as I can to be there for her, even when I don't know what to say. For my words, or any others' will not be enough. I only rely on God who has given me the comfort that I needed, in times that I needed it most.

You may be physically absent in this world, but this is one thing I know for sure : WE WILL NEVER SAY GOODBYE. Now, Nof and I each have two angels. I know that apart from God, and our loved ones who are fortunate enough (like you) to be with our Creator, you will be watching over us, ALWAYS.

I've spent a couple of days with your family, Tita - and I must say, even if you already know this, You and Tito have done a great job raising them all.

We may have lost you on Earth, but Heaven definitely gained an Angel with you up there. One of the best.

I say this all the time about Mama : The hole that her passing left on us will never be filled again. It is a kind of heartbreak that we will live with forever. I feel like it is much easier to deal with rather than to try to accept that you, and Mama are physically gone.

I love you Tita. I know you and Mama are keeping each other company up there. Please give her a hug for me.

Love, Abbie

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful. Was going through some of your blogs... Whatever you're going through now I hope and pray for your continued strength and faith. I admire your character, Abbie. God bless x