Foster the Kids...Children...People!

Common mistake I've been making the first few days I heard of them, thanks to my McLovin' boys. Dayum, I haven't said that in a while. Anyway, here are my two favorite songs off their album TORCHES :

Eargasm! Their songs are such pick-me-uppers! They seem to be whispering, "Chill the F out, Abs! Here, sway to this". Ha!


Our Meadow

This all started back in college. Being away from my parents and most of my friends, there were times when short visits to the chapel to have a one-on-one conversation with God wasn't enough. I ended up imagining that I would meet with God in this meadow.

I would picture out me and God, our backs faced against my view, mostly in silhouette figures, trees and grass surround us at the top of a hill, and we overlook all the pretty, wild flowers and its a sunny, sunny, sunny day. There were times when I would joyfully talk to Him and tell him how my day went even if He already knows. I knew that He preferred it when I told Him myself. And of course, there times when I would sort of drown him in saltwater while I hugged him tight, and He would just sit there in silence, allowing His heart to just communicate with me with the words that I needed to hear.

During our practice for the Praise and Worship Night, I felt God telling me that He's been waiting for me in our meadow for months now. I couldn't hide the fact that I had forgotten about it, or have shoved the idea of visiting Him there aside. Remembering our special place made me miss Him even more. I've been distant from Him in the past couple of weeks because, well... He knows why.

But the thought of our Meadow somehow managed to light up the darkness that seems to be building around me these days. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside. And it simply gave me hope that one day, things will fall into its proper place.

I knew God wanted to let me know that regardless of the things happening in my life, that I will always be welcome to see Him in the meadow. Who am I to make God wait? I'm nothing, but His love for me is what gives me the right and the courage to face Him amidst all this.

I love you, Papa God. I can't wait to see You again, and feel the pure love that You have for each one of Your children filling up all the empty spaces and holes and healing each of my wounds again.


All I Know Is This

One day, I'm gonna look back at these days and smile. And cry. And smile. I will want them back so much, and I'm possibly going to live having this, carrying this around... The only regret was that wishing I knew all this from the beginning.

Oh my gosh, I've never felt this much emotion, rushing and gushing through my veins... and my, my heart. I have a love-hate relationship with this feeling. My heart's pounding and my tummy's churning, its all that bittersweet, achy-breaky, mind-boggling, nerve wrecking feeling you get and can't let go of.

There's just SO MUCH and I can't process it.

On the other hand, I was on a different level of high last night, because I started to clean the house! My room first, of course. Putting aside most of my stuff. I look forward to having a clutter-free house.

Also, I'm painting the receiving area! LIGHT BLUE! As soon as I get my salary, we're gon' go on a serious grocery shopping and I'm heading to Ikea as well to get me some stuff for the flat. I feel like my Mom will be very pleased. I think she was, watching me throw things out. LOL.

I can't wait to show you photos, too! I posted the progress of the time I redecorated my room in my Multiply account back in 2008 but I don't think its a very good idea to do that now, considering that my house is worse than it was.

Regarding my give-away (with ANAGON, of course) I'm so sorry that one's put on hold like the rest of the other sensible things like the Fashion Feature on an awesome Saudi Fashion Blogger... I'm de-cluttering my house, this helps cleaning up my head too, cos you know, I find cleaning very therapeutic. It gives me a sense of control somehow, and I think better.

Also, it drives me nuts in the best way possible. I JUST LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING A LIVABLE HOME! Ha!

And finally having friends over again, because its been EONS since that last happened.

Goodness. God help me. Srsly, I need divine intervention. I'm so excited! I'm gonna print out photos that I'ma be sticking on my walls.

Life is so beautiful. It could hurt a lot, too. But like thorns on a rose, I never really liked taking them out. They're part of the stem. You can't always watch out for the things that may hurt. Sometimes, seeing them there makes life more enjoyable. More interesting.

And again, more painful. But that's just the beauty of it, right?


Be My Lover, My Lady River

Take me away, take me away...


What's Up, Ketchup

The lack of 'life' in my site saddens me. I have nothing to give you guys but this Photobooth Dump-of-a-post (and yes, sadly its all of my face. I feel bad for you guys. But I have to do this), LOL.

Its really sad that I only get to see Ombres fully featured in Local Fashion Magazines this year. I've sported this for over a year. I kinda miss it though but it feels good to see my hair happier and healthier after my haircut!

One of the happiest. For real.

SO MESSY, huuuuu.

I saw this Mustard colored nail varnish in H&M. I barely had any munny that day so I went home, and custom-made the color. TADA!

Right after I got my haircut.

So that's about it for now. Short and sweet. I'm so happy I had brekky today! Chocolate Croissants, Coffee and Milk! Yay, happy bell-belly!

You can tell I've missed Photobooth so much, eh?


Who Am I? Just Guess!

Love the "Bring It On" reference right now. In a situation like this, its hardly something you cheer for. Not even close.

I know I've learned my lesson somehow, venting out to real people and not my laptop, writing about my life in my journal, but there's definitely something therapeutic about blogging a few things regarding your personal life and sharing them with your readers, or whoever comes across your entries.

A couple of weeks ago, I read an e-mail from a reader (who I'd like to consider as a friend), and it really touched me that one of my entries got to her. Honestly, I felt like I wasn't alone. Knowing that God never left me helps a lot (more than enough), but knowing that other people get me too, that's like a bonus. Sometimes, all we want is to be understood.

I thought I was past the Mid-life crisis stage so imagine my surprise when I woke up one day and felt like I had absolutely no idea where my life was headed. I'm 20-hmm-hmm - and clueless. What I'd like to do in 2 years (that's when we settle in the Philippines)? I stare out into space. You know what's even funnier? I don't even think I'd like to leave Saudi Arabia. YES, BELIEVE IT.

What is it about Saudi Arabia that I love so much? The simplicity of life here. I can stay at home for days and not feel so bored, and if I do, I can simply just hang out with my friends, drive around, go to sea sides and talk for hours, chill in each others' houses, go to malls... ALL THESE SIMPLE THINGS. And life just goes by, one day at a time, in its own pace, there's no pressure to do whatever... In the Philippines, it feels like, there's just this need to establish yourself... and I find that tiring to do.

And the scary part is this, you guys - I don't even know if I want to raise a family of my own. Do I want kids?... OH MY GOODNESS. There, I said it. I can't believe this is how lost I am. I guess its because these past few days there were like, a lot of things going on...and it just made me realize that I was missing out on so much. Mid-life crisis in its finest.

Is this wrong? WHY NOW?

The thing is, I know what God wants for me. I do, I know He wants the best of the best of the best, and I believe its what I have right now... But... my brain is crowded with so many "What ifs". AND THAT BLOWS.

I love that my friends tell me, "Just be strong, Abbie", "Its not okay, but this is life". And the acceptance of it all just hurts too much. Surprisingly, its also pretty easy when you think of it. Its easy, but its not.

Hyperventilating again. Hee.

I want my Parallel Universe. I want it now.


Oh, So Emo

All bare-faced and gloomy (well, sort of). This is a testament of my mood these days. LOLJK. I obviously cannot stop touching my hair.

Also, please ignore the messy mirror behind me. I'm swimming in Lake Sadness.

I'm sorry. Boo.


I'm Tired Of Wishlists

(*late post, obviously)


My Superficial Self made me promise that in 2012 I will be bringing these goodies home (And no, no. This isn't a wishlist. Its more of what I'd like to call, "I'm making this shizz happen, God help me") :

A Balenciaga Giant City/Work Bag

A Gold Watch from Michael Kors
(Andrew already promised he'd get me this.
I want the watch in the middle!)

Chanel Black Satin

Ray-Ban Aviators

Chloe Perfume
(I've already had two bottles of this.
I want to make it my signature scent!)

Doc Martens Boots
I had them when I was in Grade School.

Hello Kitty Instax

Necono Digital Camera

Diana F+ Instant Camera

And no, you need not to dare me. I'm already putting myself under so much pressure. My priority right now are the instant cameras. Because there are so many beautiful things I'd like to capture in hard copy.

I'm old school like that.


Down The Rabbit Hole She Goes

The thing about Wonderland is that you get all excited about being in it at first and then it just gets weirder by the hour.

There you are, wanting a sense of adventure. You want magic. Fireworks. You want to be thrilled about something in your life once again, because reality has left you empty, holed. You're in a dark alley bleeding to death, robbed off of everything you have.

And then you find a rabbit jump out of nowhere, a cute little rabbit, White, Fluffy, Pink Nose and Ears, Paws...(enter your preference of what makes a rabbit cute) something you end up getting all smitten by.

You fall into the rabbit hole. And the same thing happens over and over, and over - only a different experience every single time you're there. You forget what its like, and you end up wanting more.

All of a sudden you turn into an entirely different person. You look at the mirror and you no longer know who you see. All of the things you said you'd never find yourself doing, you suddenly enjoy. And then you take a step back and wonder how the heck you got there. Why you got there. And you rephrase your last question to, "Do I even want to get out of here?".

We all get trapped into our own Wonderlands almost all the time. Its become an escape for us. Sometimes we safely get back to the lives we really should be living, sometimes we don't. Sometimes, we dream our lives away wishing we could be in Wonderland forever. Sort of like Inception. Your very own Parallel Universe. Your very own dreams, coming to life - or so you thought.

And there's magic everyday, and fireworks, and so much excitement, like riding a roller coaster for the very first time, and you've gotten so addicted to it that if you had died feeling all these things, then you know you'd die happy.

Wonderland makes you realize that you've been missing out so much in your life, and it makes you regret all the decisions you made that now hinders you from staying in Wonderland forever, or better yet - bringing it to your reality, and making it yours.

I'm tired of almost always having to refer to Alice in Wonderland in situations like this. I remember having done it since college days, back in '03. Only that had two rabbits. An entirely different story.

All I know is that most people don't get out of Wonderland sane. They leave broken hearted, maybe feeling even more emptier than the time they were in the real world. Probably because Wonderland was too wonderful to let go of. Its kind of like having tasted perfection, and then finding out that it can never be really yours.

And then you start to wonder...What have you been doing your whole life. Why didn't you end up finding something right that could've lead you to the real Wonderland, not the one existing in your head.

But I'm happy here. I won't regret staying.
Not a single bit.


And Then There Are Days Like This.

When darkness tries to own you. In a span of these 4 "new" days, I have begun to question how 2012 is going to be. It had an amazing kick-off, but I hope this is just a rock on the road, and not something that'll lead downhill.

At this point, I feel more lost, more confused than ever. Its something I've been writing about in my journal over and over, but I feel the need to get it out there.

My life is sucking the life out of me, if that even makes sense. I'm questioning my beliefs (not Spiritual, to clear the air, its the only thing I am so sure of right now), but I guess, as cheesy as this is - my belief, or faith in humanity. I begin to question the things I fought for in the past. The things I tried so hard to keep. Now...I don't see the worth in all that.

What's the use when you're unappreciated.

And wo, what have I stepped into? Something I won't regret, yes. But how will I be able to move on after this?

I knew I was shutting myself out of reality that was too hard for me to face by living in a bubble for the past months now. Being a true blue masochist, separating reality from Neverneverland hasn't been a part of my daily routine. I'm a dreamer, I've been dreaming my life away for as long as I remember. But its not healthy.

I'll sleep this off.


Happy Girl, Happy New Year

Starting the year with a short video blog of a super hyper me for 2012! Shot this last night though (the 31st). I was really, really, happy!

Drew and I had to walk to iWeaver in Madinah Street to get my baby. Do you remember one of the saddest days of my life? I don't want to think about it, but if you didn't know, read ahead.

I won't tire of saying this but I'm really, really blessed that my brother (who bought me my first laptop and paid for it with his own money), told me that I didn't need to pay him back, and just save instead so I can get myself a new one. I felt really bad because my Mom was the first person to have held my MBP, and knowing that my Brother exerted so much effort to get it for me, and bring it home to the Philippines all the way from the States, the laptop's price tag came secondary to me. It was all these sentimental values that was attached to it.

But it didn't take too long before God told me why it had happened. And I accept it. I've learned from my mistakes, and slowly learning to let go. Believe it or not, it still hurts sometimes.

Anyway, since we're starting off with video blogs, I'm adding this silly video of me and my Sister from another Mister, Nof - using what seems to be our favorite effect in Photobooth at the moment.