As Easy As 1, 2, 3?

(originally written on the 7th of June 2012)

"Am I a hopeless romantic or am I just running out of things to think about?", I asked myself. Because nothing else can affect us the way Love can, and I mean that in a good, and bad way. With that being said, then you probably know why I'm back here, writing about Love. Wagas ang pag-iisip, pananakit, at pag-iyak dahil sa pag-ibig.

I don't want to die having questions about love. These days I realized that I fully did not understand the meaning of it. Or maybe that's just me being bitter. 

See, I saw this on Pinterest about two days ago :

They say you love each person in your life differently. No matter how many relationships you end up being in, you will love them, but never the same way. I believe that.

I remember the way I felt about my first love, and its something I still ache to feel until this very day. Its a mind-blowing kind of love, something so pure that you're willing to do anything to keep it. I don't know if I talk this way because apparently, people always want something they can't have, but I don't know.

For some reason, I feel like the stupid, illogical girl who believes that relationships and feelings based on "Love at First Sight" lasts longest, and is the strongest kind of emotion that there is. I remember reading in Brida, how you just know that you've found/met your soulmate. That's how I felt, for three different guys in my life, all on different levels,  but nonetheless the same spark. The same longing.

I definitely agree with this text. But what if mad, passionate, extraordinary  love is something that is too perfect to exist? What if its only meant to run its course, just enough to make you the happiest person alive or enough to have something to go back to? "Don't cry cos its over, smile cos it happened"? And that's what makes a great love story. Fairy Tales do not exist. If they do, then they do...and then it ends.

Do you prefer a love that is maddening you with desire, a burning passion for the other? Or do you want something that is calm, peaceful...or is that settling? Am I confused? Or going through a phase?

Maybe Fairy Tales are meant to come true, but sooner or later you get back to reality. Is it still practical to live in a dream these days? Has love become a lesser priority? 

See, I thought I outgrew this whole thought on the kind of love that I wanted to have. But what if I feel like...its something I'm never gonna have, but I still ache for it?

I feel trapped. Am I asking for too much? To be swept off my feet, to make every kiss feel like the first and the last time, knee-weakening, heart racing, and all that? Maybe I don't deserve that? Maybe in this generation, it no longer exists? To make the little things matter, to want to wake up feeling like you want to cry because you're so happy and you feel like you're drowning in love?

What is happening to me?

1 comment:

  1. Trust me, that "mad, passionate" kind of love does exist.. :) Zee and I have been together for 8 years (it'll be our 8th anniv on July 7) and we still feel the same way for each other. Sometimes I even feel like parang kahapon ko lang sya sinagot. :) Don't get me wrong though, we're not perfect.. We have our days. We fight over useless things sometimes but on most days, we really do make an effort to make each other feel super loved. That's how its supposed to be anyway, right? Being in a relationship is also being responsible enough to make your partner feel like you will always be there for him/her as a friend, as a lover, as a confidante. If you don't feel that way, there must be something wrong.. Like maybe kulang kayo sa usap.. You have to be open to each other, especially with guys-- they can be so clueless! LOL! Girls sometimes expect guys to do stuff for them to make them feel kilig or special pero not all guys get that.. When you've been together for years, its only natural na either one (or both) of you feel too comfortable na.. Tapos unti unti na nawawala yung "spark". And that is when you need to come up with something new to keep the "fire" burning. :) I'm really not sure what you're going through but just remember that lahat naman ng bagay nakukuha sa maayos na pag uusap, whether its between you and your family, friends or husband/wife. Don't lose faith in love. :)