Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn

And here I go again, thinking out loud.

I've seen Before Sunrise several times but I've never got around to finishing it. Last week, while doing my nails - I decide to finally finish the movie that didn't have an ending in my head. (Also, let me state the obvious that it is definitely one of the best movies of our time. Ever.) 

I didn't understand the feelings I had while watching this. To be completely honest with you, I kept wondering what the heck I've been doing my whole life, like maybe I should get out there and experience things like this. Here you have two strangers who have possibly lived their entire lives on one day. Seriously, the simplicity of the whole thing to me felt so grand. Sometimes the simplest things in life are the hardest ones to get.

I know, I should know better. But how can I be this old yet be so immature when it comes to my ideals on love? I feel like Celine in '95, so full of hope. It seems like regardless of the many times I've been hurt, I still end up feeling all innocent, but at the same time I get number by the minute.

Its the same question, ringing in my head over and over and over. Am I asking for too much? Is this so hard to do? Because I'm not very hard to please. In fact, I appreciate the smallest of things. Should I be the one to adjust? Should I let go of my wants, and needs in this aspect and just...settle? Is it too late for me to be asking these questions? Am I the one with the problem? 

Today I woke up and realized that I didn't know anything at all. Everything I ever believed in was a lie, or something that never even existed. 

I'm not even hoping for an out of this world kind of declaration of love. Hollywood has made it so hard for us to dream about it these days. We don't want to be dreamers our whole lives. It comes with a very high price, and yet its all I am. But contrary to that, all I'm after is the supposed simplicity of love, that should come with any relationship. That effortless spark between two people, that should have been there in the first place all along.

No matter how invincible we feel when we're in love, believe it or not - we all have our limits. There is only so much we can do, until the love we give doesn't seem to be worth it anymore. Words lose its meaning, the spark begins to die. Their touch is no longer electrifying every single nerve in your body. And its no one's fault. It suddenly feels like it was never meant to happen...or last.

How do you live with something like that for the rest of your life?


1 comment:

  1. Hay Ate Abbie... I don't think I have the right words to comfort you. All I know is, it's still okay for you to hope that something magical will happen... Everything is going to be fine, in time. We all deserve to be happy, ate Abbie :)

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