I guess I always knew I was attracted to you. I knew it from the first time we met. Your hair, your smile, those would just come second. I looked at you and that was it. I was sold.

But I never really realized the depth of my attraction to you, not until months later, after countless of days talking 'til the wee hours of the morning. Your "Good Morning" messages would be the best part of waking up. I laid in bed and smiled like a child on Christmas morning.

It was that fateful day in October that I knew it had overcome me - this emotion. This sense of longing that made me realize that it was not only my heart crying out for you, but my soul.

I was upstairs, decorating, when you came looking for me. You walked to me and smiled. I gave you a hug, I felt your breath on my shoulder, and every strand of hair in my body stood. I clearly remember that letting you go was a challenge, as it would be whenever we hugged.

A few hours later, you helped me carry out an Amplifier to the lift. This is where things got harder...

For a brief 30 second elevator ride from the Ground Floor to the First, being alone with you in a confined space and barely a meter away, I would always go back to that day wondering how I managed to restrain myself from taking you, all of you, right there and then. It was so intense, we were like two magnets, fighting all this force. It was draining, addicting.

It wasn't lust. It wasn't that at all, but it was such a strong emotion I've never felt in my life. Looking at it from an outsider's perspective, I would say it was "normal". Attraction is something we all understand, but then I realized its an emotion not all of us know of, and its pretty scary. I didn't and still don't know what to do with all these feelings. There's just too much.

On some days, I'd wish that it simply flies away somewhere, or disappear, but then I know that I possess something so rare, so deep, that I wouldn't want to not know this feeling. Its excruciating, realizing its such a complicated situation to be in, but at the same time I am thankful for it. 

I have found a love that a lot of people look for in their lifetime, and now, I don't really care what happens to me. An entire human's existence has been summed up in this emotion, in knowing this emotion. It is everything I needed in this life.

And I don't know if you know what that means to anyone.

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