In My Head

In my head, we are seated oppositely at a Restaurant, waiting for our food to be served. You are looking at me like you're looking at me for the first time. You've just woken up from a long nap and your drowsy eyes are lovely. I couldn't help but smile at you. I reach across the table to hold your hand, and stroke it. From beneath the table, you playfully step on my foot repeatedly before you smiled back at me. We stay like this for a few minutes only to be interrupted by the realization that we are in public.

In my head, we are running to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, where we always dreamed of going. You stop to catch your breath, pulling me to my knees as I do the same, but we look at each other and laugh knowing we've made it. You carry me up and you place your hands around my neck, gently pulling me to you. And then you kissed me. And finally, finally, we're kissing in public. Finally we're letting the world know that my lips belongs to yours, and yours alone. And we savor it, and we devour each other's lips and suddenly there is only you and me in the world. And its not as scary as we thought.

In my head, we are laying side by side on the sand, getting a tan, and you look over to me, not saying a word. I mimic this, only I end up looking at you with one eye because the sun was blinding me. I can name a number of imperfections seeing you under the sunlight as I study your face tirelessly once more, and just like the many times I have, I held my breath, still thinking that you are the most beautiful, most perfect boy I have ever seen in my life. I lay on my side, turning to you, running my fingers across your perfect tummy, and I repeatedly kiss your cheek because I love that every time I do, you smile with your eyes closed.

In my head, we are on a train ride to somewhere. We've decided to go backpacking, this time around Asia. I lean my head on your shoulder and take mental snapshots of every scenery. I was too lazy to get the camera out of my bag. Moments later, we fall asleep. I was puzzled, not knowing how to take it all in : the beauty of what was outside our window, and feeling you close to me, smelling your scent, the usual mix of your sweat and perfume that drives me crazy. My tummy churns at the thought of us like this : the simplicity of this moment, and the constant realization of how much I adore you with every bone in my body.

In my head, we are laying quietly in bed. You're watching nonsense on YouTube and I turn to your direction, watching you. I fall in love all over again seeing you smile and laugh like this. You let me have my fun in silence before you noticed what I was doing, and then you lay on top of me and stare at me, saying nothing. I run my hands through your tangled hair, and you're burying your face on my neck. We lay like this for minutes, until I make a gesture for us to lay on our sides because you're cutting off my air supply. We start to jabber about small things, big things, funny things, I don't even know what makes our conversations, but we never seem to run out of things to talk about. To each other, we are bottomless pits, an entire lifetime together is not enough to discover what goes through our heads.

In my head, we are spending one of our lazy, peaceful afternoons on a weekend in the tub. We chose to go with 'clear water' over our usual added flavor of bubble bath. I'm behind you this time, wrapping my legs around your waist. Your head is on my chest, and we say nothing to each other. We don't hear anything else but the sound of cars passing by out our window, and the sound of water, disturbed by our movements. I wrap my hands around your hair, pulling them up. Its always been one of my favorite things about you. We stay quiet for minutes, enjoying the very perfect moment we were sharing, and it feels like time stopped, and  everything in the world was right. 


In my head, in my head is where I retreat to exist.
In my head is where I would rather be.




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