This is silly, but my Ask.Fm friends (or friend, I don't know if its just one person), has repeatedly asked me to upload a photo of my pits. Its not close to Anne Curtis' (that woman is perfection), but anyway because I'm uto-uto and game (mostly uto-uto), I decided to go ahead and upload this pic I took today through Photobooth.

I hope this makes you happy, whoever you are. LOL.

Me and Sis Pitt
(I am the corniest person alive)


Stay With Me

Stay with Me 
Sarah Jaffe

You say go, I'll go
If you wanted to take it slow
We'll take it slow
Put your hands over my eyes
I'm happy to be blind

I'll be damned
It's happening again
In minutes we'll see ourselves
In a whole new light
And pieces from our shelves
Will take flight

Please stay with me
Stay with me 


Hey, Remember That Time When...

a.k.a. Exchange (4) 

"Are you ok? Are you dying?", you asked, smirking.
"Yeah, almost. My heart is beating fast, wait...", I said, gasping.
"Are you happy?", I asked under my breath.
"Of course", you replied. "Its you."

We then looked at each other for barely a minute before you echoed my thoughts and said, "Again?"


My Relationship with 2AM, my iPad Mini, and Spartacus


We Were Right

Allow me to be all cheesy (you know how cheesy I normally am? Lets multiply that by a thousand). But seriously. THIS.

I keep explaining how there might be one great love in our lives, and maybe we're all just Pocahontases waiting to happen.

Tragic maybe, but...also fulfilling.

I know I may not be speaking accurately of Pocahontas and John Smith's story, but Disney's adaptation made it my number one favorite cartoon. I mean, I love Aladdin. But its only second to Pocahontas. There was something very mature about its story, at a young age, you wouldn't really know what it was like to sacrifice love for bigger, greater things, and almost all Disney Princesses ended up with their Knights, their Princes, but Pocahontas... I remember feeling so torn, but deep down there was a deeper sense of feeling whole, having felt what it was like to know John Smith, knowing love, that it existed, and how it could be so great, it allows you to let it go, PHYSICALLY.

Jon Secada / Shanice

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh if I never knew you
(There's no moment I regret)
If I never felt this love
(Since the moment that we met)
I would have no inkling of
(If our time has gone too fast)
How precious life can be...
(I've lived at last...)

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you 

I was listening to this song all night, as I passed familiar roads, and my favorite vacant lot,closing my eyes, taking a deep breath.

You know, looking back... I would ask myself how both Pocahontas and John Smith let each other go like that. Pocahontas chose to stay, regardless of her Father's blessing. John Smith chose to recover home. I didn't understand it much then, but the pain was there.

And yet, the moment Pocahontas ran to the cliff, and the wind blew past her, to John Smith on the stretcher, you would realize that it wasn't just some cheesy, Disney thing. Underlying all this during one of the most painful scenes in Disney History (and yet my most favorite of them all) was the true message of what love is, and what love could be like.

You know, from the moment they met, that piece, the other half of them was already complete. And when they parted, the fact that they had filled each others' lives did not, and will never change. They are apart, but complete.

Is it a travesty to know that some of us are meant to not have the greatest love of our lives the same way Belle had hers?

You see, we cannot afford to be like Cinderella these days, or Jasmine for that matter. Sometimes our Diamond in the Rough isn't Aladdin, its John Smith.

If there was any song written for this one person, for this part of my life, this song would be it. And I don't know where things are... I don't know. 

All I know is, if I hadn't met this person, I know that I did not know what it was like for my soul to feel whole.

There was probably a reason why Pocahontas always meant so much to me.

I love you, Bibi.
You are the biggest piece of my puzzle.



"She doesn't have the prettiest eyes, hers wouldn't make you look twice, but you should know, that those imperfect eyes - oh, oh how they are brought to life at the sight of your face. Because it is all she ever looks for in a sea of people : Your face, the only confirmation that she is alive. She is here. Because you are."



With the number of years I've walked through Earth, I'd think that the whole point of this journey is to find love and be completed by it. 

It wasn't until lightning struck me that I realized that the other half we are actually in search of is the other half of ourselves.

Everything I believed in life, well, if not most of it - is a lie. A big fat, juicy lie. As soon as it dawned on me, I broke. I am irreparable. But then I am meant to be broken. I am meant to break into pieces, because it is the only way I can piece myself together.

Like a puzzle. 

I know God has a purpose for me going through this. I don't blame Him for anything. But mostly I just wish I knew when this will all...get better.

I've found the other half of me, I believe.
But I haven't found me. 
Not yet.


You Will Miss Me When I'm Gone

Loving the beautiful, beautiful of Cajsa Siik. It was my work-out song tonight. Don't ask me why, I don't know either. Usually people listen to music that makes you want to punch the heck out of somebody, but sometimes I even listen to Enya. I like to confuse myself, I guess.

But who cares about me. Listen to this lovely woman and the heartbreaking ease in her voice.


Is She There Yet?

She ran to the nearest Loo. On her way out, she saw two beautiful girls standing by the desk. 

She hurriedly shut the door closed, locked it, and stood by the door frame. All her force, on the door, already shut behind her. She pushes it with all her might, arms stretched, head down, one leg in front of the other, and her eyes closed. And then it started to well - oh, the tears. Tears that were no longer a stranger to her.

She locked out everything. 

She locked out those two beautiful girls, the one she will never become. She locked out voices, faces of people she saw on a daily basis. She locked out her family, her friends, the love of her life, and possibly the love of his. 

She locked out her pain, her fears, her frustrations. She locked out her thoughts, or so she thought.

But they came banging on the door. She freed herself, leaning on the wall to her right. Closed her eyes. Continued crying. But it did not go away.

It pained her knowing there wasn't really anything she could do. It pained her that all her witnesses were her beloved departed, or the confines of the room, and the mirror - with her distressed reflection staring right back at her.

She locked them out, or so she thought. But locked herself in.

Maybe there is no way out.
Maybe she should eat the cake on the floor which says "Eat Me"
Or is there a vile that says "Drink Me" instead?
Should she shrink, or grow?
Either way she must get out.

Wait. This is oddly familiar.


Just One

"This is so unfair", she said, her voice muffled between her sobbing and her hands covering her face. 
"So unfair", she added. 

No, this isn't the first time she's cried for him, but its the first time she's crying in front of him. 

"You always do this, you know? You trap me. I'm trapped and I feel like the clock is ticking. I can hear it ringing through my ears, I feel like I'm going deaf, you know? All I hear is 'Tic Toc, Tic Toc, hurry up, time's running out' and then I turn to you and you're not there! Apparently you like doing this to me."

He's sitting on the corner of her bed and he doesn't make a sound. She knows he's probably thinking of what to say. He's never really lied to her before, besides, she can tell when he's lying. He just doesn't like hurting her with the truth, that's all. But he knows that she's been really understanding of him and their 'situation', for lack of a better word for what's going on between them. He told her he loved her, and he knows she loves him, she's made that point apparent a lot of times. He just doesn't know if she really sees her worth to him. But its so hard. This is not what he expected. He doesn't regret it but...jeez, he's really torn.

"Well?", she finally said, cutting him off from his train of thought, or lack thereof. He's rambling. He's rambling in his head. The heck.

"What do you want me to say?", he finally answered.

And that was all she needed to hear. His voice, his voice filling the space between them. She thinks quickly. She doesn't really want to talk about anything anyway, she just wants to go back to the little nook they make while they go on about their lives. There was no "small talk" between them, whatever comes out of his mouth was magic to her, even if he says really stupid things. 

No, she wasn't spellbound, but on most days it did feel that way to her. She knew it from the first time they met. They've come so far but she's all clueless now.

"Well?", he finally said, cutting her off from her train of thought, or thoughts, so many thoughts. She rolled her eyes and sighed, then crossed to him, breaking the invisible barrier that was there earlier.

"You have a 'Skip to Next Chapter button' remember?", she whimpers.

He sighed. Then he beamed that smile that makes her knees all wobbly as he proceeded to hug her, and kiss her into oblivion.


There's Nothing So Merry About A Merry Go Round

As soon as I find myself back here, well, of course, back where you put me,
I couldn't help but wonder if this is where you'll always place me in your life.
It's not the first time, but every time I'm brought back here, it feels like I've never been here before.
And then I always wish, I always pray, I pray hardest -
that things will get better than the last time I was here.

Please don't break me.
Please, don't be that person.


Don't You Know Me?

Don't you know me by now?

How can you not love this movie (and this scene, one of my favorites, one of the best. Goosebumps, goosebumps every time). If you haven't seen say you're missing half of your life is an understatement.


A Sunken Boat of Letters

"Try to be happy", they say. Like those three little words could help. "Focus on what makes you happy", like those six little words could help. "Help yourself", like those two little words, and actually helping yourself could help yourself.

Well, for me - that is.

What makes you happy. Is there anything in this world that can make you happy and not break you into a million pieces these days?

I remember hugging a pillow so tight I actually pretended it was another person, drowning it in my tears. It was sometime in 2004. Who knew it would be happening again 9 years later. I thought that moment was the loneliest, and saddest of my life. I have never felt as isolated, as detached as I was - until today.

This month, actually.

All those scenes in movies summing up emotions on feeling a lover's skin on yours, and all that passion two people just pass on to each other... no movie, no script, nothing can ever express the way I feel when I'm with you. 

When I look into your eyes, as you attempt to tell me how your day went, and your hands land on my leg, and you make all these hand gestures as if they support your story, those things always make up our conversations. You could tell me anything and it will sound like you're narrating a Fairy Tale or something of that sort.

And when you listen to me? That attentive face you make and that stupid smile that I love so much, it makes it so hard to concentrate or get to the point. Sometimes I even pretend that that's it, that's all there is to my story,  just so I could just kiss you already. I always love the non-existing sound you make when you listen to me. And then you laugh at my silly remarks, or the jokes I try to crack, and I love your laugh. I love your smile, I love how it reaches your eyes, and I love the color of your skin under my dim light. I don't really use that light when you're not around.

And when I'm on your chest, and I can hear your voice through your rib cage, as if echoing the sound of your heartbeat? Ah, nothing will beat that.

And when you say something I don't really agree with, I just look up at you and you answer with "What?" with your judging face mixed with your signature sarcastic smirk that drives me nuts. And I just let it go because, always win me over anyway. Even if I'm right, even if you're being really silly. YOU ALWAYS WIN ME OVER.

And how you tirelessly run your hands up and down my arm, to my waist, or my thigh, and how I can tell you're falling asleep because you slow down, or completely stop.

You know, its these moments you've given me, amidst all my drama, its these moments that make me smile all to myself, a reflection of the happy dancing my heart does at the thought of you.

I still mean it when I said you are one of the very few things that genuinely makes me happy. Everything I told you on your birthday two years ago, I still mean every single thing. I still feel every single thing. 

I look at you from across the room, or wherever we are, and I can't believe how blessed and grateful I am to have so much of you that no one else does.

That's how much I love you.
And yet all this just makes no sense.
There wasn't a word invented for the feelings you have planted in me.

You are my love letter. You are the letter I will never finish writing.


The Only Chaos

I am a mess everyone volunteers to fix.
But halfway through, they realize I am too much to put up with.
So they leave me undone.

They always leave me undone.



Seriously who does this these days?

Come on, we've all got inner Boy Abundas / Barbara Walters in us. Ask me something deep. Ask me something sensible. Ask me anything! Anything at all! 

Okay not everything that comes to mind. Seriously, some of the questions are like way below the belt. And I mean literally.

AXE AWAY! Click here :
See you on the other side, Gnarlnians! 


The Handwritten Series (1)


Exchange (3)

I crawled to where you were, sitting on top of you.I wrapped my legs around your waist and you hugged me tight as I buried my face in your neck.

It didn't take long before you realized, and then asked, "What's the problem?" 

I sighed, before inhaling your scent, savoring it, tasting it. I shook my head. 

"Nothing", I said.

"What? What is it?", you asked.

"Nothing", I repeated.

I moved my head to kiss you on the cheek and I felt a smile forming on your face.You laughed out a little, and then you looked at me.And then you kissed me.

And I that moment, how it made all my worries vanish into thin air.


Smile, And Maybe Tomorrow...

So a new acquaintance on Ask.Fm requested that I do a cover of Nat King Cole's "SMILE", which as you might recall, I sang in front of my Mother's Urn days after her cremation.

Speaking of which, I'm working on another song at the moment. I've roughly finished the Chorus. The Verses are pretty tricky.

I almost cried singing this song, because it hit home. 
Oh, maybe tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow.


The Best Memories Come From The Craziest Ideas

 "And from this spot, a song was Born"






"What's up? How are you?"

"Fine. You?"


"Good to know."

"How's everything?"



"Don't act like you care."

"I don't understand."

"You see, you always do this. You ignore me for months, and then you talk to me like nothing happened. You ask me how I'm doing, and then you listen to me, and then I believe you, and then I trust you. And then you leave me."


"Please...I'm begging you, please. Please stop it. Please stop pretending like you care, please stop making me love you even more, you don't hard it is to keep my distance. You don't know how fucking hard it is not to talk to you when I knew you were sad, when I knew you were sick, when I knew you were going through things, and I wanted to be there for you. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO TELL MYSELF I HAD TO BE STRONG. That I had to stay away because its what you fucking wanted."

"I didn't say that I wanted you to stay away."

"YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. And I was stuck here asking myself what I was supposed to do. I send you a message and all you replied was this "<3" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I called you, and you rejected it. You never even explained why. So please, you have killed me enough. You've done this to me so many times and all I ever do is let you in, all I ever do is trust you, is believe you, and all you ever do is let me down. YES, I KNOW MY PLACE. YES, I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE WITH ME. But I have feelings too. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK ITS OK FOR YOU TO HURT ME? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK ITS OK FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR DISTANCE WHENEVER YOU WANT, JUST COS WE'RE NOT TOGETHER? BUT I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME TOO! SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IF YOU WANT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE, BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE AND TELL ME YOU WANT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE! ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE'S EVER LEFT ME. SO BE LIKE THEM! FEEL FREE TO BE LIKE THEM! PLEASE! I'm begging you. Please. I still love you. And I will never stop loving you. But I don't know if I can still take you treating me like shit and all you'll ever say is you're not perfect. I wasn't asking you to be perfect. All I'm asking is that you don't make hurting me an option. YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A RIGHT TO HAVE A PLACE IN YOUR LIFE! Please...I love you. Please tell me to stop." 




"What's up? How are you?"

"Fine. You?"


"Good to know."

"How's everything?"

"I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss you terribly."

"I miss you too. Miss you more."


Exchange (2)

You were resting on your back, I on your left leg, your stomach as my Pillow. You were staring at the ceiling, I on the wall.
We had just poured our hearts out to each other and remained quiet for a good two minutes.
And then, as if on cue, you and I, at the exact same second, took a deep breath... and then Exhaled.


Because It Never Does

This isn't the first time I've heard of Toro Y Moi, but last night was the first time I heard one track. And I was sold. GOOD VIBES COMING YOUR WAY!


Inspiration : Olivia Palermo

Don’t get me wrong. Kate Moss is still glamorously sitting on the pedestal I’ve built for her in my head when I was 9. No one will take her place. Although, there is someone who has slowly been taking a place in my heart as well. Maybe because my taste in Fashion has decided to go along with my age (I’m 18, duh), I am now veering toward the “Classy” side of things. 

But classy doesn’t necessarily translate to “Uh, Boring?”. I am never lady-like. I eat with one leg up the chair (especially when I do not use silverware with my meal – how very Pinoy of me), I don’t religiously follow beauty regimens, I do not conceal my laughter, I laugh worse than a Hyena. I never really saw myself as someone who gracefully walks the streets like I’m the Duchess of Cambridge. And I like that about myself. I have embraced my flaws, I have accepted the person I am not. 

But maybe a little change is good. I don’t know. Its never a bad idea to have a little…class. But don’t get me wrong, I am never NOT going to raise my leg up during a scrumptious meal at home. Pretentious? Not really. But there are certain things you can manage to change when you are around people. It doesn’t really mean not becoming the person you are, but it does feel good when you know you are presenting yourself in a way, not for anyone. But for you. 

Olivia Palermo isn’t just a Fashion Inspiration to me. Its her charisma, you know? You admire her clothes, you stare at her gorgeous, gorgeous face for hours and hours on end, wished your hair was naturally camera ready like hers 24/7.

But you know there is more to her than all that. Putting her Fashion sense aside, one look at Olivia and you know why she's an "IT" girl, even believing that that label is an understatement for such a perfect human being.

This look is probably my peg for this year.
Look how effortless! I am in love.

Fashion-wise, I think pulling off looking trendy yet classy is so tricky. Because there are certain things you just can't compromise. But then again, you know its because these people just has it in them to pull it off.

I still dream of the day I can perfect looking all effortlessly classy. Sorry, but you know that there are some people who try too hard to look the part. Who knows maybe I'll be one of them. 

Goodness, I hope not.


Exchange (1)

Finally deciding what to eat, I closed the menu and said, "I love Cheese." You laughed lightly and smiled at me, whispering "I love you" across the table, too low for anyone else but me to hear.


Slow Dance With Me

Saw "Celeste and Jesse Forever" last night, and I had saltwater for Midnight Snack. Anyway, I'll write about that another time. This song made me want to grab anyone to just slow dance with me.

I don't know what it is about slow dancing with someone that really gets to me. Its just two people, dancing. But slow dancing is the next most intimate thing to kissing. Two people swaying to the same rhythm, same pace, and you're so close to each other, and things are like really tense but really calm, and you can smell the scent coming off of his neck...its pretty intense.

Most people (well, myself included, until this dawned on me), want to Sky Dive, Bungee Jump, Travel, etc. before they die. I, on the other hand, would just really want to experience cheesy, movie-like slow dancing with the love of my life. Preferably alone. And there will be sparkles in our eyes, then we're going to smile at each other and not utter a single word. We'll just listen to each other's breathing, and its going to go on for minutes and minutes on end until it feels like we've been swaying for hours. 

And if God decides to take me right there and then, then you know that I have lived a full life, and died happy.

And yes, I don't mind topping your list of "The Cheesiest Person That Ever Existed".

I live for cheesy. I live for corny.


Tales From The Friend Zone

Can you believe I haven't blogged about this yet? How sad. I was so psyched to be a part of this project by THE Ramon Bautista and THE RA Rivera.

Tales from the Friendzone is a YouTube series released every...oops, that's a sensitive topic (heehee), but it tackles about people and certain situations...of being in the "Friendlier" side of things, to put it lightly.

A lot of you would say "its funny" but it does make a lot of sense (duh). These things happen in real life and it sucks (see kids? This is why you should never love. People love and then die). The whole point is to either get people across the "Friend zone" or to help them accept being in the Friend zone (boo).

The experience shooting this was something else. It is quite one of my favorite moments in life because during breaks we would talk about life, especially during the drive to Baguio, where I bore my soul (hashtag : chos, but seriously I really did tell them about things I was going through), and it helped knowing I was with two geniuses who had different takes and opinions on my situation, which was awesome (also confusing, but awesome nonetheless).

Leaving Baguio, and leaving their company  was so hard for me. It was as if my life made so much sense in 2 days. I miss them already!

All photos courtesy of RA Rivera

If you have time, and you haven't seen all the TFTFZ Eps yet, get to it why don't ya?



Yesterday, I watched myself die. I was kneeling in front of the bathroom sink, tasting my own tears, when it flashed right in front of me. The gory death I have chosen to go with. Not pills this time. 

Googling it, it says to be a choice of 2% of team "Permanent Solution to "Temporary Problems" Heck Yeah, Suck On That, Life!". Not sure how I would endure the pain, but at that moment I was courageous enough to go through it. There were no voices in my head forcing me, it was just me. Me and my heart, actually. It was begging me, in fact. It wasn't my head. Boy, my head was making loud protests. But my heart was all like "Do it for us, you know we cannot take anymore of this, Abbie. Just do it, once and for all."

I mourned my death afterwards. I saw my loved ones upon hearing the news, but not their reactions. They had no faces, and I couldn't tell how they felt. For the most part to me, it didn't really matter. My presence or absence made no difference. 

I outgrew the fear of being forgotten. It didn't matter to me anymore because I knew sooner or later, I would be forgotten anyway. The world no longer made sense to me. Striving no longer made sense to me. Money no longer made sense to me. People no longer made sense to me. Love no longer made sense to me. Life no longer made sense to me.

Sooner or later this will all be gone, everything will vanish. Everything will be forgotten. So what's the point?

I go through my Twitter feed and it depresses me even more. What are all these things we post about, trying to make a name for ourselves, trying to make a difference, trying to prove ourselves to the world? The world is such a drag. Its become so superficial that we are left without a choice. I am not exempted from this. I have succumbed to it. I have been too weak to fight against the current (and I am sure I'll regret saying this later, but whatever. I'm putting it out there anyway).

"I miss the old you", my closest friend told me. She was right. I miss the old me too, but the old me is long gone. I feel like I keep dying, then I'm brought back to life as a different version of myself, and the cycle goes on and on.

Its starting to get tiring - biggest understatement of my life.

Remember that scene in Life of Pi, when there was a huge storm and Pi screamed to the sky, "What more do you want? I surrender!" Heck, that was me. That very scene depicted this point in my life. 

What have I done? I'm not perfect but how many times must I explain that I have done everything out of love? I will say this again, and again, and again : My heart is so pure. Its not perfect, its not all white, but it is very pure, trust me. 

I don't know what I'm going to get out of this. I don't know how, I don't know when...I don't know how, I don't know when.


Hulk Mode, Among Others

I have never felt this scared in a long time.

The last time I felt this way was when I gazed upon my mother's face while she slept at the Hospital she was confined in for the nth time in the year she fought Cancer.

There were questions, answers, possibilities, miraculous scenarios flooding my head - drowning it. Everything scared me. Every thought, every hopeful reply I would give myself - battling between staying realistic, and staying hopeful. 

And they say its a lot easier to accept the loss of a loved one when they're ... sick? 

"Abbie, look at it this way, at least you were able to prepare yourself, spend more time with her".

Can you re-think that again? 

How in the world will you ever prepare yourself to lose a loved one? Let alone - A PARENT? The one you always believed to be invincible?

Believe it or not, I always thought I would die ahead of my Mother. There was NO WAY I would live without her.

And maybe that's why I'm...

I still can't bear to think that some people in my family find it in their guts to speak ill of her now that she's gone. ESPECIALLY AFTER EVERYTHING WE WENT THROUGH. Wow. SOME FAMILY I HAVE. I sure as hope they're reading this because if it isn't God stopping me from spitting on their faces, then I don't know who else is. Seriously. You disgust me. I am ashamed to share the same name as you. I am ashamed to carry your blood in my veins. I just pray that NONE OF YOU GO THROUGH THE SAME THINGS I HAVE. Or I won't waste a second to talk shit about the loved one you lost after their death, REGARDLESS OF YOUR PAIN. TASTE YOUR OWN POISON, BITCHES.

You know, I don't play nice. Because I am nice. But I guess I am done with that.

Reality is taking over me. It has killed the Dreamer I have always been. Such a cruel thing, Reality. It feeds on people like me, destroying us. "I'm sorry to burst your bubble", it says. Sarcastically. Like a slap in the face and a kick in the gut isn't enough. I've puked out all the rainbows. I've painted my skies gray. I let you take over me. Is there anything else I haven't ticked off of your list? Don't give me that look, Reality. Don't you even.

Its too complex, don't you think? Wizards of Waverly Place's soundtrack says "Everything is not what it seems", and its a show about magic. Au contraire, its the opposite of magic.

All I know is that this is what's become of life. Regardless of what people say about destiny, I know this is where I am supposed to be. There is nothing I would want to change (okay, that's a lie - I want my fairy tale like all the other people oblivious to reality. I want my Unicorn Glasses back, Life! GIMME IT!) but all I know is, although crappy - this is my journey. Accepting it is liberating, but knowing that you have to actually put your right foot, then your left, then your right, then your left...its pretty...its...

So where are the balls I always thought I had? 

Hello, I'm Abbie. I am forever 18, I love Dolphins and my past time has been crying in between office breaks at the nearest vacant bathroom stall. I am a wreck and I have no other choice but to get out of bed every morning and look presentable because apparently I owe it to the people around me. As cliche as this is, I have also mastered the art of fake smiling and have blindly fooled people that I am going to make it out alive.

Why can't I just let myself rot in bed, curled up in my sheets, in sweet, sweet isolation? It won't hurt anyone if I do.