Here Goes

I'm confused. Is this really how my life should be? Someone else dictating how things should go for me, without me having a say in it?

Take away my right of having a child, and now I can't even have a dog? 

Since I found out that it was possible that I would never bear offspring, I sort of lost all will to live. Suddenly, I was questioning the road I was in. I didn't know what on earth I was still doing here. I know I didn't want to have kids anytime soon, but to NEVER have them? EVER? And for that to be decided FOR me... I just...what am I striving for then? I was already lost to begin with, and having a child sort of gave me hope that I was going to put myself together, be a normal human being who does chores and cooks, and all that.

I know I haven't been very responsible. But is it so bad to want to be MOTIVATED to be that way? I know it should come naturally, but I'm a special case. I'm a love machine. I feed on love. But what the heck.

So what now?

I have so much love to give, really, and no one to give it to who could reciprocate it. 

But a dog can. And now even the right to have a dog is being taken away from me?

THE.FUCK.IS.THIS.LIFE.

/rant over/

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