Pain In Bliss, Bliss In Pain


I do not know where to begin.
I was right about how this changes everything. I was right.
I am terrified. I wasn't prepared for this, for the emotional baggage it would bring me. Don't get me wrong, I carry the weight with sheer bittersweet bliss.

As I tangled myself in the layers of blankets, I uncomfortably sunk my head on the bed, deciding not to use any pillows. I watched you sleep from my side, the dim lights of our room clashing with the sun that was just about to rise.

It was my favorite time of the day.
But I felt empty.

My hands were burning with desire to feel your skin again. 
My feet, heavy.
My heart, my heart...

I stood by the window, caught in the curtains, finding my way to watch the people who were already walking at 5, nearly 6 in the morning. The number of cars passing by on the left side of the street. The clothes hanging at the back of the building right in front of ours.

I turned my head, back to you. We spoke for hours before sleep took over your body, but it was not kind to me then.

I was aching to touch you.  
I watched you peacefully, returning to my bed.
And then depression took over, luring me to its darkness.
Blinding me to sleep.


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