Six Days Vs. The Universe

(originally written on the 21st of June)

This trip is going to change my life, I just know it.” was the thought that ran through my head every morning from the moment I booked my flight.

It was my first time traveling with friends. It was my first time traveling for fun. It was my first time traveling, period. I did not know what to expect but deep down, I felt it. The changing winds. You know, like when Pocahontas was lead to John Smith for the first time?

But it wasn’t a Disney moment. I needed an escape. A temporary pause from the chaos going on in my life. I’ve been feeling alone in the company of friends, family, loved ones – that I needed to actually BE alone somehow, in another country, to make it feel less complicated. And then it occurred to me that I wasn’t feeling “alone”, I was feeling “lonely” which was far worse.

I went through so much in six days to a point that I ended up crying out of nowhere one day because it suddenly dawned on me, the reality of my life and the path I was in. This wasn’t where I thought I would be in my 20’s : Realizing the possibility that I could end up single the next year, or worse – that I may never have kids. I felt like the cursed Titan, Atlas – whose punishment was to carry the world on his shoulders for eternity.

With the passing of my Mother three years ago, there really was no one to talk to. My spiritual relationship wasn’t in its healthiest state as well, and I had no one to blame but myself. I knew that God had better plans for me, but for the first time in my life, everything was hazy. I always feared the unknown, but now I dreaded it.

During those six days in a somewhat foreign country (it was only a 2 hour flight from where I was, but still a major change of atmosphere in my opinion), I went through almost EVERY possible emotion known to human beings. It was the most bipolar I have been in years. Like I was built up for that moment of Bliss and Clarity only to be shattered later – like Drew Barrymore in Ever After.

I flew back to Jeddah feeling restless. If anything, those 6 days were both the worst (hopefully those would be the worst) and the best (hopefully there would be more of those) days of my life. It stirred an emotional and psychological whirlwind in me.

You don’t see where I’m getting at, do you? I wish I could explain it in detail.

I flew back to the Country I was residing in, feeling like I left a part of my heart, and my Soul at Ibis Al Barsha, at Umm Suqeim, at Wild Wadi, at Dubai Mall. Being there with people who meant the world to me was like a dream. Like a dream knowing you were going to wake up later.

Looking back on that week, there was something so surreal about that trip. I was with my favorite people in the world. 

And then after that... I don't know.