Hypnos Grants Me Life

I don't remember when Hades and I started to become friends. But he would often pay me a visit when all the lights have gone out, when I allow the small ignited flame of hope to die for a few minutes. Sometimes I would call out to Hades, and he would gladly grace me with his presence. 

I don't blame Hades entirely for wanting to be with him. I would watch myself over and over, and wonder what it would be like to take that step, where I would no longer require him to keep me company in the hours of my chosen solitude, but in turn be with him for eternity. I think Hades was no stranger to such. The drama of having to choose probably baffles him. And yet he was almost always kind to me. He probably enjoyed the way I would write letters to people who lost over him. And I'm guessing he liked leaving his kingdom from time to time, you know, claiming people himself. But I think he was always fond of me, and yet I am confused whether it was because he liked to torture me this way, or maybe because he knew I would be with him soon enough, either way. Or maybe because he already knows me too well. I'm a coward. He liked to watch me fail every time. It used to piss him off, but now, like my bully friends, he laughs at my attempts knowing I'll never go through it. 

Then there's Hypnos, who gets here approximately 20 minutes after Hades. I don't really understand why it takes him that much time to come, but Hypnos has always won me over Hades, and I'm not sure if its because Hades allows it, or maybe because Hypnos knew he'd always win anyway. Or maybe he's made an agreement with Hades to spare me? I don't know, I'm probably an exception to their rules. I wonder why that is. 

Hades seduces me sometimes, although I know he lures me under false pretenses. He doesn't make me promises, but the idea of ending it all just made everything so...peaceful. I probably give more importance to my physical body than the soul that is keeping it alive. But on most days, it doesn't even feel like I have a soul. I've already died. What's the point.

Hypnos, on the other hand - makes promises ALL the time, all the freakin' time! "Come with me and forget for awhile, you'll feel better after I've taken you back from my kingdom". Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before, Hypnos. I've got to keep my eyes closed to be in your world because as soon as I open them I'm back to my ugly, ugly, ugly reality. 

Sometimes I wished Hades would betray Hypnos, you know? When we're on one of our trips, I'd find Hades waiting on the other side of the bridge, where we were bound to never return. 

I don't know if that meant I'd have to be left in Hypnos' kingdom, probably on the outskirts, the less fancier area, where the Unicorns are banned from stepping on. 

But do you know what my greatest fear is? My greatest fear is what if I finally mustered the courage to be with Hades, and then Hypnos comes earlier than he usually does and they go on a war, and just as I thought I was gone, I am brought back. How do I live through something like that? 

And surely, when that happens - neither of them would become friends of mine.

I wouldn't know who to miss more.

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