You Know You're Abbie Almasco If (V.01)
Inspired by an old blog entry by one of my favorite women on Earth (hint : It's Kat Dennings).
1.) If a Guy hits on you, you immediately assume that its because he thinks you are Cheap and Easy (although you are not but you're really twisted like that), making you an easy target. Or maybe because there was no one else he could hit on. In other words, it does not boost your confidence at all.
2.) Everyday is a constant battle between wanting to know more on History, Art, and other things that matter versus reading on current trends and other superficial shit that you know you somehow loathe (but you have the Regina George syndrome on all things Superficial).
3.) You believe that you were born to roam around the World, but hate the fact that you have ZERO Savings, and ZERO Saving skills because YOLO.
4.) The voice in your head yells "PRETENTIOUS!" when you're having an Epiphany because your middle name is CONTRADICTION.
5.) Your back-up plan is to move to Greece, work at the local market to sell Vegetables and Fish, walk around Barefoot, spending afternoons by the beach with your Dog and a glass of Wine.
6.) You wake up with weird allergies all over your body. You also wake up with bruises you don't remember causing.
7.) You know you can never survive in the Cold.
8.) You wear your big ass heart on your sleeve and you don't give a rat's bum bum that people think its a weakness.
9.) You're a Hopeless Romantic, you believe in Slow Dancing and Making love by Candlelight and you are one of the few remaining of your kind.
10.) You believe in Unicorns, and you are one of the few remaining of your kind. Shun the Non-Believer! Shun! Shun!
11.) You broke the same time Ally did during Episode 22 of Season 2.
12.) You're Stupid, and you like that you are because someone says "Like You" when you call him Stupid.
13.) You discovered your wild side by 2012, which made you realize that you are in fact, a Rebel. But for all the right reasons (or is that what all Rebels say).
14.) You lost count of the number of times you've received phone calls and voice notes/messages at 6 in the morning only to listen to all of your best guyfriends moaning sexually in your ears which could go on for a full minute (Hello, JDC. I love you too).
15.) Nothing grosses you out like Dry Feet and Dry Cuticles. And Racism.
16.) A Masculine Neck turns you on, and you discovered that upon realizing you've seen what a Masculine neck should look like.
17.) You are a self-confessed Prude, but you are not when you are with the Love of your Life because LOVE.
18.) You wish you were born a Saudi, because you are in love with the luxury of their Culture and Traditions. And because the Women are blessed with Beauty you can't find anywhere else in the World.
19.) You don't have a "type" when it comes to the opposite sex. One look and it just hits you - a strange connection. And this has happened even to guys who aren't "Good Looking" according to "Society".
20.) You secretly hate "Society". Well you secretly did, 5 seconds ago. And you like to dress "SOCIETY" with quotation marks because you think it points out that you're being sarcastic.
21.) You can put Clueless, Mean Girls, and some of your favorite Sex and the City episodes on mute and you can say all the lines because MATURITY.
22.) You've defended almost everyone most people hated on, including CHRIS "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE" COCKER because MATURITY. Also, because you respect his courage to be himself and to say what's in his heart.
23.) You wish you were born during the Elizabethan or Victorian era because people valued Love the same way you do (also yay, Pouffy dresses).
24.) You are intimidated by people who are so sure of themselves.
25.) Cocky and Overconfident people make you realize how much you hate people. They also make you realize that they are the way they are because they actually don't know shit. About anything.
26.) You can't wait for the day when you can finally say the words GAY, LESBIAN, TRANNY, etc. without offending anyone (or sounding like you are doing so to offend someone) because they are finally accepted by most of SOCIETY (you just hate Society, you hate it with all your guts).
27.) You just HATE repeating yourself. "Didn't hear me that one time? I can do two. Again? Nevermind."
28.) You scream or sing the words "LET'S EAT!" or "HUNGERBELLS". And time is not a factor.
29.) Your dream in life is to have conversations like Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in all the "Before" installments because most of Celine's lines were inspired by your heartbrain, and you say this to yourself with confidence.
30.) You wish that Fine Dining restaurants allowed you to ditch the silverware to use your hands and have comfier chairs with enough room to raise one leg up while stuffing your face with fancy food.
31.) You believe that the one of the very few who knows how to spend their wealth wisely is Bianca Araneta Elizalde.
32.) One of your proud moments in life was being mistaken as Heart Evangelista for more than 5 times. You really take pride in that. You seriously do.
33.) You are a Jejemon but with Breeding.
34.) You strongly believe that when it comes to almost anything, you know that people can say what they want, but if they don't know the INTENTION, they don't know shit.
35.) You want to seriously erase a few family members from your memory because their very existence baffles you (also because they have spoken ill of your deceased Mother). Feel those devil horns on your head? Yeah, they put that there.
36.) With the way you are with your guy friends (you know, their ease of being around you and vice versa), you sometimes wonder if you have an invisible Penis.
37.) You like to talk in various accents and wonder if people find it offensive.
38.) Reading the word "STUFFS" makes your eyes bleed. Hearing it has the same effect to your ears.
39.) You believe in Animal Rights so much but hate that you can't give up Chicken and Cheese, the only two things stopping you from going full-on Vegan.
40.) You think Sansa is stupid for not jumping on Tyrion's bones because you are attracted to him like crazy. Sure, you love You know nothing Jon Snow (which is actually his real name, GRRM left that out) but seriously : TYRION.
41.) You want to be on Broadway.
42.) Instruments? You can't play them for shit.
43.) You strongly believe that watching Vines for a whole day is never a day wasted because LAUGHTER (also, its become a habit for you to do during Weekends).
44.) You love that you are an Introvert because SIMPLE PLEASURES.
45.) You only want to go back to Dubai if you're with the same people you went with the first time because going without them will make you feel heartbroken.
I'll probably realize more later.