In Celebration Of Breaking Bad

I'm halfway through the Fourth Season and have pretty much managed to get off of Twitter (thank heavens I'm not on Facebook) to avoid some major spoilers. I remember when I found out the fate of my dear darling Robb while I was in Dubai and had no idea whatsoev of the Red Wedding. I wanted to fly back to Jeddah armed with a blank loaded revolver and shoot my friend and pretend he'd die as a result of his blabberblabbing. It pretty much blew the rest of my day. I recall the way I reacted and my boys ended up giving me weird faces.

It's been awhile since I felt so compelled to religiously watch a TV show (its been awhile since Game of Thrones last aired, obviously), and with the cliffhangers Breaking Bad has, I can imagine throwing several things at the telly out of frustration IF I hadn't had the fate of watching it as it was about to wrap up. 

Yes,  (I share the same sentiments as this one fan who wrote Bryan Cranston, as he read a letter out loud to Conan last week), I have the hots for Aaron Paul (SURPRISE!).

And seriously, how amazing is Bryan Cranston? Such a versatile actor and that's an understatement! Can you imagine Mr. White pulling off moves like this?

I was a fan of Malcolm in the Middle, too!

Anyway, for those of you who have seen the Finale, I know, I know. You don't have to tell me - I am definitely watching prepared. And I mean with a box of tissues.


Hashtag Selfie

I haven't uploaded a Selfie on the Interwebs in what feels like YEARS. Well I have, in Path, where I have a very, very small circle of friends (which I love).

Here's a grainy photo I took two days ago after a tanning session.

This doesn't qualify as a "Photoblog" entry but I would kill myself if I made a "Selfie" category.



For Now I Am

Thanks to Shinji for making me curious with "Masters of Sex" (where I heard this song), and unlike "Sleepy Hollow", it fared very well in my book. Can't wait for Episode 3.


Sorry To Burst Your Thought Bubble

There are certain moments that flashed right in front of my eyes as soon as I got your message. I wasn't sure how to react to it, I wasn't sure if I needed to react to it at all. But there was this familiar feeling of pain that stung me. It then triggered familiar tears, familiar moods of depression.

I don't know, but after all the shit that's been going on lately, I'd think as long as we were okay, I was okay. But you vaguely told me that we weren't, or that maybe, there wasn't even a "We" to begin with. Not ever? Not anymore? Not for the meantime? Who knows. 

All I know was that I couldn't sleep at all last night. I'd wake up in the middle of my slumber and try to blame it on something. The TV was too loud, my rashes were itchy, I got a notification on my phone. But those weren't the reasons at all. YOU were the reason. You and that stupid message you sent me which didn't even have an explanation. What's going on? I deserve more than one sentence, at least. Make me understand. "Why", you ask? "Because", is my answer. Because. I need it. Are you telling me after everything we've been through, that's all you're gonna say? Are you even going to explain yourself one day, someday? I'd like you to make me feel like shit for thinking of you this way, because I don't want to think of you this way. I know you too well. Sometimes, too well that I'd wish I was wrong. 

But yeah, I love you. 
I still do. Which makes everything I said invalid. 



More than a week ago, I woke up with the intense need to reconnect with the World.

So I deactivated a few online accounts, removed a few apps on my phone, and quietly stayed in bed for a few minutes before getting up to carry on what I call "The Jumpstart to a Working Day" (a.k.a. making sure I get ready in 2-3 songs because I don't want to piss off the Driver on a daily basis by waiting for me downstairs for more than 10 minutes).

I felt like my roots were slowly dying because my head is always up there, in the Clouds, a.k.a. Space, a.k.a. Cyberspace.

I miss writing on my journal, I miss blogging about what I do almost on a daily basis. I miss writing letters and making conversation with people. I miss seeing their expressions to my stories, I miss reading their body language, feeling their hand on my arm when they want me to pay attention. 

I've been going out with my friends, managed to make new ones too, but not as often as I wished. 

I've had so much time to myself, not to think - but to be quiet. I have absorbed everything I needed to, filtered the ones I didn't have to bother myself with, and then I cracked.

In my moment of brokenness, I gathered pieces of myself that were worth restoring, worth keeping, and then I swept the rest of the mess into a pile, and blew them away, like fairy dust - only this one can actually induce Asthma and not the promising rainbow puke that can only come out of a Unicorn's ass.

I felt like a Phoenix. Like there's this version of me that emerged from all this pain and somehow I'm sort of liking it. There's still a trace of the old Abbie somewhere in this new persona. From time to time I still cuss out of frustration, I still find the urge to scream with a pillow stuffed to my face - but these days my Passivity towards the bullshit life throws at me amazes me sometimes. 

My friends ask me why I decided to do all this, sometimes I point my tiny finger to "Technology". Technology brought people closer, I get that, and I'm thankful because it was technology's advances that made it possible for me to know people more in ways I couldn't even imagine, or thought possible. 

But then "keeping in touch" made us "lost touch", literally. And that's what I'm aiming for right now. Like falling asleep with the Telephone's handset on my head... I really miss that. 

As much as I love how things seem to be quite easy these days, sometimes I just wished we all tried harder to connect.


Did Not Need The Magical Epiphany Toilet For This

"I have found Peace in this Chaos. It will be quite a struggle still, that's for sure. But its the way of the World. Dance to its Music, but YOU must make up the Words.

Who says sad Melodies can't have happy Lyrics?"