Immersion

More than a week ago, I woke up with the intense need to reconnect with the World.

So I deactivated a few online accounts, removed a few apps on my phone, and quietly stayed in bed for a few minutes before getting up to carry on what I call "The Jumpstart to a Working Day" (a.k.a. making sure I get ready in 2-3 songs because I don't want to piss off the Driver on a daily basis by waiting for me downstairs for more than 10 minutes).

I felt like my roots were slowly dying because my head is always up there, in the Clouds, a.k.a. Space, a.k.a. Cyberspace.

I miss writing on my journal, I miss blogging about what I do almost on a daily basis. I miss writing letters and making conversation with people. I miss seeing their expressions to my stories, I miss reading their body language, feeling their hand on my arm when they want me to pay attention. 

I've been going out with my friends, managed to make new ones too, but not as often as I wished. 

I've had so much time to myself, not to think - but to be quiet. I have absorbed everything I needed to, filtered the ones I didn't have to bother myself with, and then I cracked.

In my moment of brokenness, I gathered pieces of myself that were worth restoring, worth keeping, and then I swept the rest of the mess into a pile, and blew them away, like fairy dust - only this one can actually induce Asthma and not the promising rainbow puke that can only come out of a Unicorn's ass.

I felt like a Phoenix. Like there's this version of me that emerged from all this pain and somehow I'm sort of liking it. There's still a trace of the old Abbie somewhere in this new persona. From time to time I still cuss out of frustration, I still find the urge to scream with a pillow stuffed to my face - but these days my Passivity towards the bullshit life throws at me amazes me sometimes. 

My friends ask me why I decided to do all this, sometimes I point my tiny finger to "Technology". Technology brought people closer, I get that, and I'm thankful because it was technology's advances that made it possible for me to know people more in ways I couldn't even imagine, or thought possible. 

But then "keeping in touch" made us "lost touch", literally. And that's what I'm aiming for right now. Like falling asleep with the Telephone's handset on my head... I really miss that. 

As much as I love how things seem to be quite easy these days, sometimes I just wished we all tried harder to connect.


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