Sorry To Burst Your Thought Bubble

There are certain moments that flashed right in front of my eyes as soon as I got your message. I wasn't sure how to react to it, I wasn't sure if I needed to react to it at all. But there was this familiar feeling of pain that stung me. It then triggered familiar tears, familiar moods of depression.

I don't know, but after all the shit that's been going on lately, I'd think as long as we were okay, I was okay. But you vaguely told me that we weren't, or that maybe, there wasn't even a "We" to begin with. Not ever? Not anymore? Not for the meantime? Who knows. 

All I know was that I couldn't sleep at all last night. I'd wake up in the middle of my slumber and try to blame it on something. The TV was too loud, my rashes were itchy, I got a notification on my phone. But those weren't the reasons at all. YOU were the reason. You and that stupid message you sent me which didn't even have an explanation. What's going on? I deserve more than one sentence, at least. Make me understand. "Why", you ask? "Because", is my answer. Because. I need it. Are you telling me after everything we've been through, that's all you're gonna say? Are you even going to explain yourself one day, someday? I'd like you to make me feel like shit for thinking of you this way, because I don't want to think of you this way. I know you too well. Sometimes, too well that I'd wish I was wrong. 

But yeah, I love you. 
I still do. Which makes everything I said invalid.