Reality Check

I've been working since 2006. Worked in two different companies before landing a job in one of the best Offices in the Middle East. Worked there for five Years, before I ended up jobless a little over three weeks ago. 

I've been reflecting on what the experience was like, as a whole. In the other two companies I worked for, I barely stayed a year. I was always on the lookout for better opportunities, a greener grass (maybe a Garden or something). You'd understand why it was quite difficult for me to leave this one. My job was a mixture of hard and easy, stressful and stress-free. But it was the people I worked with that made letting it challenging. 

Then again, I knew I needed this break. Three weeks passed, and to be honest, it felt like a month (DUH, its close to a month, but you know what I mean). Then again, I knew I needed this break (repeat to self). 

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the brink of losing it because all I see are the confines of my flat on most days. I'd itch to go out with friends but when I'm out, I'd be itching to go home. I'm dealing with some serious shizz, that's for sure. 

One of the things keeping me sane is the fact that I know that God never left my side through all this. Even if I've been quite distant (again, not something to be proud of), its amazing how He's ALWAYS there. I've managed to stay calm through most of this by His grace. 

Also, I'm AMPED that I'll be heading to my dear Motherland (to stay for a month) in a few weeks. Oh my goodness, all the food I'd eat. ALL THE FREAKIN' FOOD. And to see my Family again, wow.

I'M SO EXCITED! And I feel so blessed. As much as I love it here... MANILA, I'M COMING HOME!

There's also something else I'm excited about. My superficial self is taking over and... okay, it won, sort of (but Ma, you'd be proud of my Restraining Powers, seriously). I'm going to do something very, very mature later. Something only my Superficial self dreamed about. Its really shallow but, I'm really happy that its finally happening. Huzzah!

Been testing the waters of Hosting recently. And boy oh boy is it not an easy thing to do. Being a Host has always been so challenging for me because I can't connect with people while I'm on stage. It feels like the Audience turns to crickets when I'm up there, mumbling.  I feel so small, smaller than an ant.

But, I'd like to share these photos with all y'all :

November 8, 2013 : Moneygram had this ah-mah-zing idea of bringing Robin Padilla to Jeddah (and renting out an entire Amusement Park to accommodate everyone for free!) to make our fellow Kababayans super happy (even just for a day). It was SO hard to keep my composure (let alone, utter a word) being less than a meter away from THE Binoe! His photos (as well as his appearance on screen) doesn't do him justice. Ang lakas ng Sex Appeal! And he is just the nicest. Describing him as such is an understatement. That photo was taken while I was singing the chorus of "Maging Sino Ka Man" to him. Well he sang "Wonderful Tonight" for me, I thought I should return the favor, ha ha! I keep looking back to that day wondering how I survived without falling on stage. (Photo Credit : Pinoy Tambayan)

November 22, 2013 : F.A.M.E., A Filipino Community in the MidEast held its third season of Western Region's Got Talent, and I was given the honor to be one of their Hosts. This is me and Sir Fred, who I shared the stage with that evening. We had a Production Number in the beginning of the show and yes, I was required to dance. Little did they know that it was my first time to dance in front of a large crowd. I lolled at myself while watching a footage earlier tonight. Dancing in four inch heels? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! No wait, the challenge is actually "DANCING". (Photo Credit : Francis Anthony Jr.)

There's still so much to learn when it comes to Hosting (and not to mention, so much more kapal ng mukha to avail). Back in college, I was never really good with on-cam projects. I choose to hide behind it, armed with a pen and paper but hey - it doesn't hurt to try new things (and eventually love them later on).

That's it. It is now 5 minutes to 5 in the morning. Gotta get up in 4. 

God Bless you guys.

I missed talking to you like this.


I've Got

5 minutes to 4 A.M. in the MidEast.
5 minutes to 9 A.M. in the Philippines.

No matter where you are, or what time it is, this song (and the Music Video) is guaranteed to shower you with good vibes.

Let this song take control of your bum bum! Shake it off, yeah!


Exchange (14)

"Okay, goodnight", I said, as I watched you slip off your clothes, leaving them on the floor. "I'm gonna sleep now", I continued.

"No, wait for me", you pleaded, letting go of the last piece of clothing along with the rest. "I'm tired, I wanna sleep with you".

And then you jumped in bed, went under the sheets, and with my back on you, you comfortably wrapped both of your arms around me, and rested your face on my neck.

I know I'm yours, but this moment, among many others, screamed "I AM YOURS. ALL YOURS."

You're home to me, Bibi.
I wanna kiss your lips forever.



The smile plastered on my face is yours. 
You did that.


We Were Always Dreaming Of A Day That Would Never Come

Its that kind of night.
(Thanks, Awkward. Team Matty for life)

I feel like laying down on the floor, candlelight, white christmas lights, eyes closed...while listening to this. Maybe a glass of wine, too. Beautiful. Sad, and Haunting, but beautiful. 

Are you with me?


"God Was Somewhere Else"

I was watching one of the interviews of one of the Mayors after he visited Leyte. He opened with this remark. I dissent.

To say "Its Terrible" would be an understatement. There are no words for an ordeal like this. All these warnings, reminders, they did and possibly could not prepare us for anything like this. But God wasn't somewhere else. Understood, the Mayor was upset, he was emotional. But that was such a strong statement to say. And very, very disrespectful.

Do you not believe that it pained God to see His children suffering the way they did when the Typhoon hit the Philippines?

There are times when God could do miracles, and there are times when God can only do so much - the rest is up to us. 

"Why?", you ask? 

I don't know. Only God knows. Maybe its easy for me to say this because I'm not there, I didn't lose a loved one from the Storm Surge, I didn't lose a home, I have not starved for the past couple of days - maybe it IS easy for me to say. But I have had my share of loss, I have dealt with the pain of losing someone I loved dearly, practically watched her life taken away. I know its different from the kind of loss people are dealing with now, but we must NEVER, EVER doubt God's presence in our lives. Because most of the time, when we "feel" like He is far from us, try asking yourself who moved.

I admit, I have not been feeding my Spirit as much as I used to, as much as I need to and want to, but God has never left me. He is always there, He is always reaching out His hand, but I have shied away from Him. And that is not something to be proud of.

I know God is capable of so many things. He could have stopped the Typhoon. He could have made it milder than it is. But that's not what happened. We cannot blame God for that. He knows suffering the same way we do, don't you ever forget that.

Call unto Him. 
It is the only way we could all be helped and saved.
Pray. Do your part. If you cannot give, PRAY. Praying is Giving.


Reaching For You From The Endless Dream

Did my run of The Blacklist marathon last night and when I heard this on the third episode, I stopped and listened to this song for about 3 hours straight.

Its for those nights when you're all alone - drowning and wrapping yourself in thoughts; beautiful, and everything else in between.